Speech (Part Two)

When it's time to go to the ceremony I cram the fragments of my speech into my Tuxedo pocket.

I try to work on it before we go in.
I try to work on it while we are taking wedding photos in the gardens.
I try to work on it in the car to the reception.
And I, of course, talk about my wedding speech panic endlessly.

Whilst sushizing at the head table the best man, Wren, tells me he has written a speech and I can stand down.

"Thank GOD!" The swell of relief was intoxicating. I told everybody in the world that I didn't have to do a speech and how I'm now totally freaking out at how relieved I am, I get to caleb,

"Oh my god, no worries buddy, Wren's got a speech. We're good."

He put his hand on my shoulder and says, "Pif it would mean a lot to me if you also spoke at my wedding. I want to hear the one that makes you cry."

I felt like it was a scene out of the godfather. Like the "No Sicilian can refuse a request made on the day of his daughters wedding, but different. bastard.

The speeches start. FUCK! I tell Ariel, the MC, to give me time. He does. I start to write. I cut out everything that make me want to cry and rebuild feverishly.

Wren does his speech. It's a tear-jerker, show-stopper. fuck. I was going to put it up here but I left it in my Tux pocket. It was the whole "you sang me to sleep/ kept our family together/ held me when I was scared, you're the best big brother ever" sort of thing.

ME: "I'm going to PUKE that was so good! Jeesus!"
CALEB: "FUCK! I have to follow that?! Lord help us!"

Caleb is an asshole. His was just as good, it was to the mother of the bride. I work on my speech.

Robin get up and does his and it's funny and roasting and embarrassing for Caleb and perfect. I work on my speech.

And then finally, there's me, the one who thought about it the most. And it was just ok, like not good, not terrible just a little below average. It's totally anti-climatic, I get up, the mic squeals, hearing yourself speak is awful, I talk about how awful it is to hear your own voice. Everyone's looking at me, I talk about how everyone is looking at me. I say my four paragraphs. I run offstage before I toast. Run back raise my glass and be line for the back of the room. It's awkward. it's over.

I should have gone up and improvised. Writing is for suckers. Same goes for forethought.


Today's Song of the Day is "Smooth Operator" by Sade off her 1984 Album "Diamond Life."

Crazy Fact: She was born in Nigeria,

njoy