Thursday, March 31, 2005

marche et mange

We must've got lost EVERYTIME we left the house. But what a place to get lost. jeesus. If I have to get lost, I will gladly get lost in paris. For all the day, everyday, all we did is walk and eat. 23 Degrees and Sunny everyday.Total bliss. The metro is for suckers. cars are for fools. We could stop at anytime and stare at a plaque on the wall that was there since before Halifax was founded or take pictures of Dogs, find a statue or garden off the beaten path, catch a wiff of a crepery and get one for the walk. or Fromage or best yet Chocolate. wowwy wowwy wow wow. the chocolate, if for know other reason is a reason to go. Jeesus the chocolate, if I didn't walk 40 Km/ day I would have brought back a more than just memories with me. yum.

Today's Song of the Day is "Piggies" by The Beatles off their 1968 album "The Beatles"

Crazy Fact: Paul McCartney sucks my bag every single day.


Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Send out the Clowns

Our second apartment by Place D'Italie was full of Clowns.

It was like our apartment was the 'art' equivalent of a clown car. Art is used very loosely here, you must keep in mind this is like comparing the Shakespeare and to the ad lib yammering of a brainless Video DJ. Nonetheless. Clown Art. Everywhere Clowns. Creepy Crowns. Crowns that seem to watch you. Move when you're not looking. Pull down there pants a little further, scheme behind your back. filled with malevolence behind a unctuous facade. The walls of the room were bubbling with malice.

Pif: Celery, I'm not sure if I have the words.

Celery: Creepy doesn't do it justice.

Pif: I know.

Celery: I counted 102 pieces of clown 'art' -no wait, look another stained glass sucker to the window thing, 103.

Pif: ick.

Celery: Let's go.

Cabinets filled, walls covered, on the tv under the tv, bookends, in the bathroom, kitchen, everywhere. Wherever your eyes rested a new and terrible discovery, there was literally no escape. It was so creepy that I swear it was depressing... Paris just didn't quit, like nothing i'd ever seen, in a way I never expected, again and again.

Today's Song of the Day is "Kinko the Clown" by Ogden Edsl off the 1995 compilation "Mower of the Ogden Edsl."

Crazy Fact: I know NOTHING about Ogden Edsl.


Monday, March 28, 2005

London Derry Air.

Dude, I totally didn't like London as much as Paris. Except when I went into a bar. I felt a lot more at home in a rock 'n' roll pub style bar. And as I walked around like a big-assed tourist camera in-hand pointing at rats and buckaham palace and strange candy wrappers, I thought to myself dude these guys are speaking english. I was so used to struggling with french in paris... no wait, that's not what I was thinking, I was thinking 'dude... where the queen? Maybe she's sitting on the throne right now or maybe she's taking a crap.' wait, that's not it, I don't remember what I was thinking but whatever it was I had this song going through my head the whole time.

Today's Song of the Day is "London's Burning" by The Clash off their 1979 album "The Clash."

Crazy Fact: The American division of CBS decided there album, The Clash wasn't fit for radio play, so it decided to not release the album. The import of the record became the largest-selling import of all time.


Sunday, March 13, 2005

How Can I Possibly Concentrate?

DUDE! I forgot to tell you something, I'm going to Paris!


Why the HELL do I have to fly from Ottawa first? That's just lame. actually I don't fucking care. I'm just kinda trying to come up with a rant, for all I care we could stop in Moncton and North Bay I'm going to FUCKING PARIS!

I'm just trying to think of something to say besides:




'cause as it stands that's all I got.


I'm going to try and blog from La belle Paris (is it feminine? Je'n c'est pas.) But we will see. My eyes might have exploded in The Lovre or my brain may have fried in a café.

Me, in the Center of Style. Trouble. The holes in my clothes may be 'punk' here but there I'm sure it just plain 'street urchin.' I am primed for some Grade 'A' snobbery, parisian style. I can't wait. it will be awesome. I'll feel blessed by their snobbery.

Me: Dude that woman didn't look at me when you told me to Eat shit. ThAT wAs AWESome! And that tall salt-pepper guy in the Kick Ass blazer just spit on me! He hit me Right in the Eye! He's got Skillz. Let's do it again!

It's going to be like fair rides, terrified and exhilarated at the same time, totally out of my element. I am one with my embarrassment. It's pointless to fight it. It's utterly inevitable, much french is abhorrent, my english isn't even very good. I'm a slob and never been particularly good at caring what I look like. I'm going to go around crying and screaming and freaking out from one painting to sculpture to monument to another like the tasteless white-bread North American I am. I'm fucking doomed. I fucking love it.

Today's Song of the Day is "Sans Souci" by Peggy Lee and The Gordon Jenkins Orchestra off the 1952 Compliation "Black Coffee and Other Delights."

Crazy Fact: She's Cinderella. Her mother died when she was four and endured a difficult stepmother after her father remarried. (and two evil step sisters. And if Benny Goodman was the prince, then she married the princes guitar player, but I thought prince played guitar on his own albums? So Does that mean Peggy lee married Prince in 1942? that was before he was born? Fuck this world gets crazier ever freakin' day. wow I didn't even know that was legal. eek. I knew prince was sexy, but that's some sex appeal to get married before you were born. Damn!)


Saturday, March 12, 2005

damn i'm happy.

damn i'm happy. (repeat (at the risk of repeating myself))

Please hear this song as:

The little-assed birds,
Sing the pretty-assed songs.

I think it's better that way.

Today's Song of the Day is "The Littlest Birds" by The Be Good Tanyas off their 2000 "Blue Horse."

Crazy Fact: The musicians played together for the first time in 1999, busking outside the Lilith Fair venue in Vancouver.


Friday, March 11, 2005

Stuff Your Freedom Fries up you ASS!

I'm a little worried about being thought to be an american. My French is awful. Bloddy awful. I'm white as hell and don't have an British Accent. Americans are calling themselves Canadian to get by over there. It bites. I'm desperate to speak french for that reason, it's all I got.

And speaking French is kinda like chop-sticks. A little bit hard to do, easier if you keep working at it and it really lets you know your doing something outside the ordinary. You know your really accepting another culture and trying to understand it from the inside out.

I love eating with chop sticks it makes it really special. Well, French is mental chopsticks. The Chopsticks of the Mind.

Today's Song of the Day is "La Femme d'Argent " by Air off their 1998 Album "Moon Safari."

Crazy Fact: These Guys are from France. I'm not sure if I told you that's where I'm going. (!!!)


Thursday, March 10, 2005

The Old Country

Tomorrow I pick up my P A S S P O R T.

Having never left this chunk of crust I've never needed one before. I'm totally getting on a plane and flying over the ocean to the old country. Jeesus fuck!

I think if I let it sink in my heart will stop.

Today's Song of the Day is "Paris, Texas" by Ry Cooder off his 1989 Soundtrack of Wim Wenders movie of the same name "Paris, Texas."

Crazy Fact: Ry Cooder played on Let It Bleed and Sticky Fingers by the Stones.


Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Healing the Routine Canal.

Wow. Routine is a hard thing to maintain. Well kind of. It's like this. There comes a point in your life when things settle into a pattern, a comfortable pattern, an important and productive pattern, then you get a new job or new house or new friend and everything has to shift. Like an ice-flow. Some things are squeezed out and submerged to make room. That's just the way of things.

It's odd to see what drops out. It's at moments you are forced to re-evaluate the importance of certain behaviors. And the routine doesn't lie, certain things just drop out and you don't really think about it anymore. It's a crucial moment, because it's easy to make the wrong decisions at this point. Then months later you realized there is someone you really miss, or it been 6 months since you've read a book or you haven't hiked or biked or been to the gym or played hockey or took some time to yourself in 3 weeks.

Must remember solitude. If you don't these bad choices can go unchecked (at the very minimum.)

Must remember solitude.

Today's Song of the Day is "Standing In The Shower... Thinking" by Jane's Addiction off their 1988 album "Nothing's Shocking."

Crazy Fact: bassist Eric Avery would not participate in any of the Jane's Addiction re-unions (there's been 3 of them)


Monday, March 07, 2005


I want a parachute.

I wonder if they'd let me get on with full parachute gear on. It would make me feel a little safer as much as everyone else on the plane feel a little more nervous.

Or how awesome would that be:

Flight Attendant: A refreshement?

Me: Sure I'll have a water.

Flight Attendant: Is there anything else I can get you?

Me: A parachute, thanks.

Flight Attendant: ...

It's really not in my best interest NOT to wear a parachute but dollars to Mutha Fukkin' Doughnuts, it I was wearing one I'd get pulled into a the little room and interrogated.

Them: Why are you wearing that parachute?

Me: Not to answer a question with a question, but, Where the HELL else I am I going to wear it?


Today's Song of the Day is "Parachutes" by Coldplay off their 2000 album "Parachutes."

Crazy Fact: Lead Singer Chris Martin frequently battled nasty colds and voice exhaustion throughout 2001, which led Coldplay to cancel a series of American dates and scrap a European tour.


Sunday, March 06, 2005


Paris Week Continues:
Ok, so now I'm gonna go to Paris AND I'm gonna see Dennis!


That is fucking NUTS! 14 months of dennislessness comes to an end. wow. Mon DIEU!

Today's Song of the Day is "Rose Rouge" by St. Germain off their 2000 Album "Tourist."

Crazy Fact: We've Rented an Apartment on Rue Servandoni which is off St. Germain. (I think.)


Friday, March 04, 2005

What a View! (Don't Look Down.)

Life is peaking. This peak is so high I'm a little afraid of the enevitable drop. Or maybe life's been in the crapper for a really fucking long time and it's going to stay at this level. hmmm. Proabably, a little of A, a little of B.

I am going to paris.
I have a girlfriend.

These two things are amazing and unrelated. I'm going to try to to think about either too much or my head might pop off. If I think about both at the same time my limbs detach and dance around the room intermittenly playing keep away with my head. It's extremely painful, so I'm doing that as little as possible.

I think I'm going to die on the steps of the Musée du Louvre, if not, then I will in front of Leonardo. Promise.
So bury me beside Jim Morrison.

It's Parisian week here on Song of the Day. Our team is tirelessly collecting and carefully selecting the best of the best (actually of whatever the hell I've got.)

(Here's Yesterday's Crazy Fact: In 1927, Count Basie played piano at a silent movie house to make ends meet.)

Today's Song of the Day is "Love Me Two Times" by The Doors off there 1967 Album "Strange Days" (I think.)

Crazy Fact: Jim Morrison (who OD'd in Paris and is buried there) is the 4th most visited monuement in the whole city.


Thursday, March 03, 2005

Je suis une Gateau Chocolat pour mon amis.




I'm going to
in T W O W E E K S .

I have no words yet... except thank you celery. You are making one of my dreams come true.

Today's Song of the Day is "April in Paris" by Count Basie recorded in 1955.

Crazy fact: I'm going to paris.


Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Cold Feet (Part Two)

That's the tequila was for, it was ball enhancer. With every swig I was closer to my big be-nutted viking ancestors. Well, between the hot tub and the tequila, it was pretty clear my babied north american self had to get there through mexico though. enh whateva (swig. glug. swig)

Pif: This tequila is really fucking good. It doesn't have that nasty tear off your face thing to it.

Ali: It's good isn't it? My girlfriend brought it from Mexico.

Caleb: Ok lets do this!

We are pumped. It's like a conga line of steaming mostly naked skinny men. as all seven of us jump out of the tub one after another and gingerly half run on the icy snow through the cold night. whooping and screeching are way down the 30 or so meters to the dock.

I cruise down at top barefoot don't stub your toe speed and I stop dead on the edge of the dock. I peer down into the black cold lake. The moon is nearly full and casting and ghostly cold snowy glow across the lake and into the mountain that surround us. I stare at that water and try to convince a couple billion years of evolution that THIS is a good idea. There is no convincing. The boys are chanting "do it, doo it DOOO it!" as an act of pure will (fueled up on the finest tequila I've ever had in all my drinking days) I leap into the void.

My brain was instantly filled with every chemical it has at it's disposal, and every gland in every corner of my body pumped something out, adrenaline, dopamine, endorphins, (all just use the all inclusive 'whatever' at this point) I didn't even feel the cold. Everything they say is true. it's amazing. truly. I went back inside and started jumping and howling and screaming wildly like a new man re-birthed. Everyone was in the exact same emotional condition at that moment. That emotional condition is "!!!"

Finally I look down. Not only did I not feel the cold, but I also didn't feel my toe nail pulled up, bend backwards and bleeding. I wonder when I did that? I continue howling and shaking defiant fists at valhalla. I'm totally unable to snap out of it. I look down again, yuck, I should fix that. I keep beating my chest and yelling at the gods in a euphoria of indescribable victory. I look down. Fuck it's bleeding everywhere. eww. I stand empowered, triumphantly calling down the wraith of the heavens. Indestructible, with fear laying defeated, bleeding at my feet... literally, oh that's MY foot. shit time to clean this up.

After about 15 minutes the buzz started to slip, I returned to my mortal, fearful form and nervously bandage up my blackening toe, thinking only of the flesh-eating disease.

Fear's vacation was welcome, even if it was a short one.

Today's Song of the Day is "Cold Brains" by Beck off his 1998 album "Mutations."

Crazy Fact: Beck Handsen's grandfather Al Hansen was an important figure in the Fluxus art movement, best known for launching the career of Yoko Ono.