This one is about the music.

Man. I've heard some cool covers in my day but D A M N ! if this doesn't take the cake. The only thing wrong with the original version of Tom Sawyer by RUSH is Geeedy Lees' terrible voice. With that gone, it's remarkably better, but play it by a Jazz Trio with mad mad skillz and you realize what jazz was meant to be. The excitement of music you know -- of music you've been raised on -- being all fucked with, played better, stronger, faster then ever before, that is what got people into Jazz in the first place. I can feel it here, that feeling they must have felt in the 30s, 40s & 50s. This whole album is loaded with it. Tears for fears, David Bowie... and you would never believe what they did to Chariots of Fire... the baseline, holy moses the base line. Fuck! I might send it tomorrow.

The best news is they are coming to Halifax. I near shit.

This is vibrant and alive, this can engage an audience in the same way Jazz used to and now (mostly) doesn't. This is the way it was and the way it should be... amazing, improvised, reinvention, of our own music, nothing fucking stale about this shit. I'm fucking ready to have my brains blown out by this show, I don't think it's gonna fucking dis-a-mutherfucking-point.

Today's Song of the Day is "Tom Sawyer" by The Bad Plus off their 2007 album "Prog."

Crazy Fact: They are coming to Halifax. (There is so much shit on YouTube, dig it.)

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All that Guff

Though I'm a little sick of the "this historic day" frenzy, there is something I gotta say about this historic day. For all the guff the US gets about its' "main problem" being race, this shows it's true colours and that that's all crap. Lets see the french, german, british, japanese whoever get a black leader. Not bloody likely.

I think there can be no doubt that the US has shown them, that they have turned a corner. Not only in the way that where for the last eight years we have seen the worst the US has to offer, it's ugly, greedy, violent, ignorant, arrogant side and now with a single democratic act shown evidence of change, evidence of a mature people, an accepting people and a choice to step away from that ugly recent past. But also a corner is turned in terms of the history of a country, and for a country that has made such an impact on the history of the world, with such a history of firsts, this first is particularly powerful. If this man who would be king, was born 200 years ago in the United States would have likely been born into slavery, matured into a slave and died unknown. 140 years after a civil war to free all people, 40 years after a civil rights crusade to make all people equal, we have a US president, a black one, elected by all people.

I think this democratic act shows American to be a people more mature than expected, which is nice. Let's hope they've finally elected a government worthy of them, so far, the outlook is good.

Today's Song of the Day is "Bye Bye Badman" by The Stone Roses off their 1989 debut album "The Stone Roses".

Crazy Fact: In 1996, Johnny Squire finally left the band (to form the Seahorses) breaking it up.

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Money buys a better shower.

Everytime I get in the shower I feel like kicking Caleb in the balls. Everytime I get in the shower I know, without a doubt, that progression is a fact. Life is getting better generation after generation, incrementally better.

There are out-of-touch idiots out there (many of them are my friends who I love dearly) who do not think this is so. You can give all kinds of examples like Child mortality rate (burying your child is probably the saddess act in a human life), fucking SOAP! (which is surprisingly new invention, without which... I can't even really imagine the horrible pervasive smell of humanity.. ick) Chocolate!! c'mon! Jesus never ate chocolate, no roman emporers, none of them it's from the 'new world' some with tomatoes, suger, potatoes and corn. What a shitty life! or how no fucking salt on your food. jesus. salt was worth the same as gold for thousands of years... jesus. Forget medical advances... anyway. They all say no no no.. blah blah buh-blah blah...

Get in the fucking shower. That is some Goooood shit. See how happy you are without a shower or any use of indoor plumbing or hot water for a year. Any of us who survive, would bearly survive and it would be an utterly stinky, labour intensive, year.

Well the shower just got better, but you have to be a zillionaire to have one they are 25,000 CND for one of these 'shower cabins'. (go to products, then shower cabins, especially check out image 2 of the 'geo-tray'. OooOOoooh maaaaaaan..

Man-o-man, it's the best reason to sell-out I've seen in my whole G.D. life. 

The future is now people. Again, life just got better (to all those who can afford it.) Of course it's from Italy, of course.

Today's Song of the Day is "Postcards From Italy" by Beirut off their 2006 album "Gulag Orkestar".

Crazy Fact: Zach Condon is the grandson of jazz guitarist Eddie Condon.

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Mad Science Skillz

HOLY HANNA you will never believe the names of the course I'm presently enrolled in... Neurocomputing, Genetic Algorithms, Machine Learning. So, in a nutshell I'm making the terminator, er, I mean, computers which are based on the functions/ behaviours of the human brain (computational neuroscience), programs which can replicate themselves and struggle for survival and dominance in a given environment (genetic programming) and that learn (Machine Learning)... so yeah, give me some miltary funding and I'm building skynet.

I feel like I should be looking out for Sarah Connor's little red laser sight.


Why did I do it? Not because I can. But because it would get me published. Isn't that sad. That would be an awesome answer:

60 Minutes:
Why did you do it? Why did you build the deathray?

The guy who ruined everything:
Well... it was the only Research Assistant position left and tuition these days is a bitch.

60 Minutes:
So you ruined everything for 2000/ month? Was it worth it?

The guy who ruined everything:
no, no. It was only 1500/ month, like I said it was the last RA position I could find.

Well, get your family and friends on the sotd list cuz this list is going to be the "safe list", the "do not destroy list" when I make ED-109 or Hal or Skynet or the Matrix. Fair warning humans.

I'm a FREAKIN' Mad Scientist!


Today's Song of the Day is "Ego Tripping At The Gates Of Hell" by The Flaming Lips off their 2002 album "Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots".

Crazy Fact:  In 1993, They lip-synched performance on the teen soap opera Beverly Hills 90210, where supporting character Steve Sanders (portrayed by actor Ian Ziering) uttered the immortal words, "You know, I've never been a big fan of alternative music, but these guys rocked the house!" (!!!!) Awesome or WHAT!

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Villian thy name is Meatloaf.

When I was a kid my cousin Chris had Meatloaf's "Bat Out of Hell". I looked at the cover and was sure it was the sounds of hell itself. I was sure I could never withstand whatever this diabolical "Meatloaf" clearly the spawn of hell, hath wraught upon the world. As sure as Saturday morning cartoons there would be no way my innocent ears to bear hearing these sounds of ruination, this music of the damned, it would change me for the worse, fovever. One look at that cover was all the proof I needed.

I was so right and so wrong.

Many many years later I heard those horrible, curséd sounds, I was shocked. That COVER! THAT cover... is for THAT music.... no... it can't be. IT CAN'T BE!

I was right it was the worst music I'd ever heard, and I was right it was ruination, it was the ruination of the human race. I expected Cannibal Corpse and got the Four Seasons. It was impossible. I was scared of the g.d four fucking seasons, my whole life. but "bitch tits" had "Two outta three ain't bad" and "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" on here... not "Creeping Death"... not "Leper Messaih"... not even "Crazy Train"... but some of the worst music ever EVER written:

...But you've been cold to me so long
I'm crying icicles instead of tears
And all I can do is keep on telling you
I want you
I need you
But there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you
Now don't be sad
Cause two out of three ain't bad...

"The horror... The horror." It's fucking fucking fucking horrible. That fact that people listen to this at all breaks my heart. It causes my natural respect for the human race to dip below a requiste level to believe we are worth saving at all. Bath us in flame oh antichrist, start again, do over. So I was right it is from hell, I was right to be afraid of it. I betcha the devil is utterly un-cool. That's his last laugh. He is a whiney powerless fucking geek.

The fact that what I believed to be the "hardest" rock album cover of all time was really just two pieces of whitest crustless whitebread, the bookends of utter spiritual and emotional poverty, the empty, tastelessness husks, the outward component of an aesthetic equivalent of a ketchup sandwich. I  haven't judged a book by it's cover since. Oh 'tis a lesson I will neary forget. T'was the bitterest of teachers.

Turn, Hellhound, Turn, BACK to the fires which spawn'd thee!

Today's Song of the Day is "Down To The River To Pray" performed by Alison Krauss from the soundtrack from 2000 film "O Brother, Where Art Thou?"

Crazy Fact: In 1983, when she was 12 years old, she won the Illinois State Fiddle Championship and the Society for the Preservation of Bluegrass in America named her the Most Promising Fiddler in the Midwest.

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Diamonds in the Rough

I'm not a huge fan of Kevin Smith films but he has some Gems in those films to be sure.

I just saw Clerks II which was not 'super-haha' for me but 'ok funny' but the funniest moments were very funny. They all surrounded the young innocent Elias and his interactions with snarky dirty-minded 30 something Randall. The best of the best, was when Elias admits to Randall that he hasn't had sex with his girl-friend because of the "Pussy Troll" her Christian parents put in her "pooter" to ensure her chastity, I laughed my hole off. When he said "Pillowpants" would bite his weiner off if he did, I nearly peed myself. PILLOWPANTS! Brilliant. No french-kissing either or "Listerfiend" will bite off his tongue. Awesome. I think there was a butt troll too, I forget it's name.

The acting between the two main guys was just so flat it was hard to watch at times but there are certainly moments of brilliance.

Like in Mallrats, I found main guy's ranting irritatingly (who am I to talk) posed, emotionally monotoned and dated. But the 'Stink-palm' still makes me hold back laughs. The "Stink-palm" is when you put the palm of your hand right on your asshole and rub it around for a while just before you give a big hand shake to someone you don't like.

Fucking funny.


Today's Song of the Day is "Jambalaya (On The Bayou)" by Hank Williams off his 1952 compilations "40 Greatest Hits".

Crazy Fact: Hank was buried in Montgomery, AL, three days later. His funeral drew a record crowd, larger than any crowd since Jefferson Davis was inaugurated as the President of the Confederacy in 1861.

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Sir Salieri

What a turd. 

Sir Paul McBloodyCartney gets worse with every passing year. With every passing year he sees what a useless tit he is. His long life is his curse. It is a Joy to see him see how he will be remembered, watching him of him scratch at meaningfulness, clawing desperately to be seen as something more than a dipshit with a mostly useless talent for writing those oh so pretty love songs. 

He is a modern day Salieri, his better days, his BEST days, his only days worth a damn, were in collaberation. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying John is Mozart, he wrote plenty of solo crapola, but clearly the he is more meaningful figure of the two, representing something a little more than vapid pop sentimentality.

You can argue that John doesn't deserve it or whatever but of the two John deserves it more than Knight of the douchenozzles, sir Paul, revisionist turd bucket.

He fucking drives me nuts. All his vegan street cred he got from Linda, and promptly lost when he married that one-legged blondey before Linda's corpse was even cold.

BTW I'm ranting about Sir Splogeater's claims that "I politicised the Beatles." Read this shitfeast:

"For instance, Vietnam. Just when we were getting to be well known, someone said to me: 'Bertrand Russell is living not far from here in Chelsea, why don't you go and see him?' and so I just took a taxi down there and knocked on the door."

He added: "He was fabulous. He told me about the Vietnam war – most of us didn't know about it, it wasn't yet in the papers – and also that it was a very bad war.

"He was fabulous"?!!? "A very bad war"?!?! oh yes very very naughty war, we shouldn't be having those should we, sir Paul. Fortunately there are all these FABULOUS people, a taxi ride away, just sitting about, waiting to tell people to tell you about it. 

What a STEAMING pile of shit.

Today's Song of the Day is "Piss Up A Rope" by Ween off their 1996 album "12 Golden Country Greats".

Crazy Fact: For the tour supporting this album their backing unit was dubbed the Shit Creek Boys(which included steel guitarist Stuart Basore, guitarist Danny Parks, fiddler Hank Singer, and bassist Matt Kohut)

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Car Crash

A few new facts. According to the NY Times, the amount of overall traffic in New York City has decreased even though the total population has increased. Hmmm... what does that tell you? People are making due without the almighty automobile. It seems. Which brings me to a rare, logical conclusion... People are Awesome! I never get to think that, let alone say it. wow.

In case you had any lingering doubts, the crime rate in the Big Apple has also dropped during this same time period and people, now feeling safe, are out and about in larger numbers than in previous years. SOoo if you were thinking people were just staying home and therefore there was less traffic as a result. Sorry dude. Again, I must conclude a most unlikeme thing... People are Awesome!

They are taking the bus, taking the subway, walking, biking, running carpooling to an energy efficient foot stompin' greeny green tune. Screw you manufacturer!

It seems another suspicion I've had for many a year has been verified, validated and vindicated. Drivers are criminals. All of them. see SEE! I told you.

Taking the bus makes you smart (see Repoman). Walking makes you feel kindness and generous toward your fellow earthlings (try it, you'll see). Driving leads to ROAD RAGE!!! (read previous phrase with monster truck tone of voice). Running leads to serenity and the occasional embarrassment. Did you know that 100% of ALL white collar criminals own/owned a drivers license? Did YOU? All of them. see SEE!

Every single crime either you or I can think of, needs a car to commit: the 'high-speed' chase. the 'Hit-and-Run'. the 'carjack'. the 'drunken driving'. the 'auto-theft'. the 'drive-by shooting'. the 'poppa wheelie'. the 'doing doughnuts' (which is also fattening). do I REAALLY need to go on? All of them. see SEE!

They simply *must* be stopped. (exit nutso Victorian school marm)

All for your reading pleasure my peeps. hmm... I think I'll drag on Zombie Week for a few more days, I keep forgetting to talk about them.


Today's Song of the Day is "Haitian Fight Song" by Charles Mingus off his 1957 album "The Clown".

Crazy Fact: This song rocks. At one of his concerts in Philadelphia -- and a memorial to a dead colleague at that -- he broke up the show by slamming the piano lid down, nearly smashing his pianist's hands, and then punched trombonist Jimmy Knepper in the mouth. 

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Free market my hole.

Now the Canadian Government wants to give 2-3 BILLION dollars to GM to stay in Canada.

W

T

F

!

For every GM or Ford plant that closes a Honda or Toyota plant opens... so why are we doing this? They are not Canadian companies - they don't get my money - and these companies build a product people don't want - the don't get my money. Stick with the winning team, the winning teams are not from the U.S. 

And they may not survive EVEN IF they get our money! Huh?

They say even IF they get our money they will still have to close their North American plants for "a while" and they MAY go under anyway. no No NO! No money for you douchebags!

The market has spoken. You suck. Go away and let a company with vision and profits take your place. I hate this crap. It just shows you how deeply our economic system is soaked in Bullshit! The "Free market economy" story they tell us is crap. It's convenient story they tell every time the want to screw over the little guy or turn a blind-eye to the arts, and one they forget to tell every time they bailout some enormous earth-eating corporation or hand-out some government contract to their pals. 

P.S. I like zombies.

Today's Song of the Day "Surprise! You're Dead!" by Faith No More off their 1989 album "The Real Thing".

Crazy Fact: Courtney Love was at one time the lead vocalist for Faith No More. No lie, in the early years, pre-1985.

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Sinking in the USA

It was communism or economic doom and the U.S. Senate chose doom. Either they had to buy-in and control the American auto industry or let it sink. 

glub-glub-glub. 

Now the questions is Which one will sink first? I'm hoping GM. Ford says they are "ok for now" and Chyrsler is owned by the very rich uber-secretive privately owned Cerebus corporation. I would love to see GM sink electric car killing mutherfuckers.

American cars a a perfect representation of what is destroying the planet. Shit has got to change and jobs in shitty industries have to go. It's great news. That being said should one of these planet destroying monsters go under, an estimated 3 million jobs will be lost. HOLY shit that's a lot of jobless.

Maybe communism is coming to the USA either road they take. If they can't take the business end of the competitive free economy the aspouse so patriotically, maybe they should change there tune. That fact is the there cars suck ass and they should sink. Many of those jobs will simply move to Toyota and Honda as they fill the void with there better product.

In other Zombie-related news, Zombies eat brains so the can be happy dead, we eat bacon so we can die happy.

Today's Song of the Day is "Evil Ways" by Carlos Santana of his 1968 debut album "Santana". 

Crazy Fact: Carlos Santana was originally in his own wing of the Latin Rock Hall of Fame. (BTW the link under the title is semi-NSFW (sound only) in case you'd get fired for the words "Jizz in my pants" being repeated over and over and over.)

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