Your Mama's So Old Her Birth Certificate Expired.

The crazy fact is particularily crazy IMHO.

Hey! My Birthdays coming. I'm saying good bye to my thirties! oh wait...no... I got eight more years until I am blessed with the almighty 40. In which, as I am led to believe by the dark one (what a weird guy, sheesh) I will actually look my age. I can't freakin' wait. 8 more years of this HELL and not only that but according to this contract ummm, lets see... mrm... mzza... mzz amuz.. mrmrm ...AND A Eternity of suffering in the inner most furnances of hell, after my slow and painful death! This Deal SUCKS! I must've been drunk when I signed it. That old devil, he is a crafty one. Shit.

Anyway, I'm sick of handing over the stupid ID and hearing "Oh your appreciate this when your older" well that was F U C K I N G ten years ago and I AM older and trust me I STILL don't appreciate it. This, of course, amuses my crew to no end. The Authoritian ID checker asks for my ID, my people look on with greedy eyes waiting for the reaction of the poor bouncer, gas station attendant, cop or lottery ticket vendor (Yes, they ID too... I'm not joking) nearing salivating in anticipation, then our much decieved ID checker with Raised eyebrows and stammering embarrassment, croaks out some cliché about how happy I should be. It's crap. I'm not happy about it, I'm ripped off. No adulthood for you little bitch! Well fuck you God! I signed this deal with my friend Satan, maybe you heard of him you old COOT and he's settin' me up just fine.

My favorite reactions are the ones from the monsterous, stone-faced bouncers that totally lose their cool, smack themselves in the forehead, and scream "Holy Shit!" Out of pure shock. Then I feel the power of merely existing. I am the monster. And one look at the truth of my being is enough to send their small minds spiraling, dismayed into the chaotic nether-regions of doubt and eerie self-examination... "Am I THAT old?!" I snatch back my ID and pass through... Victorious!


Today's Song of the Day is "Misguided Angel" by The Cowboy Junkies off there 1989 Album "The Trinity Sessions."

Crazy Fact: Who says you can't make a great record in one day -- or night, as the case may be? The Trinity Session was recorded in one night using one microphone, a DAT recorder, and the wonderful acoustics of the Holy Trinity in Toronto. CRAZY CRAY-ZEE! That's double-nuts crazy!

njoy