Does any male actually measure their penis? I mean does anyone get a stiffy and then get out the ruler and measure it? I usually have other plans under those circumstances. I couldn't imagine, well, I guess I could IMAGINE doing it, but, but, but to actually do it, isn't that like marking your own term paper? Look at that, a perfect specimin! A+! Perfect, not too big, not too small, perfect for any occasion, all weather, low maintenance, dependable, always hanging around but never too much to handle. It my most favoritest penis.
Talking about measuring penises reminds me of one of my least favorite places in the world, actually, scratch that, not one of, but my very least favorite place to go in the world... that I've been to, I think jail or a battlefield would be worse, but I'm a pampered, law abiding (generally) first worlder. So for me, it's my hell. It's the male locker room.
Man I hate that place. I am pretty modest guy so this of course would be a little more of a sore point for me. From my research the average female's desire to get into a men's locker room is equal and opposite to the average man's desire to get into a woman's locker room and I believe this is justified. I've been in there ladies, it's not pretty. All shapes and sizes, ladies, picture it, and for a moment here I'm not talking about penises. Why the HELL do these guys stand around naked and brush their teeth or gel their hair or (and this happens) pose in front of the mirror. These guys are FREAKS, they talk to you all naked like they are standing around the water cooler. Look buddy I don't want to talk I'm naked. ok. ALL I want to do is escape this creepy limbo between the pool and the street. I can't deal, I feel like at any moment someone's going to start talking about penises in the same way they talk about cars, everyone is on the verge, it's on the brink of going from generally uncomfortable to utterly unbearabley creepy:
Strange Naked Man: Hey you got a lot of milage out of that thing!
Pif: AAAAAAAA! (somebody steal me and hold me for ransom.)
Bare-Assed Socialite: When's the last time you took it for a spin?
Pif: Oh God PLEASE make it stop.
Some Guy Who Won't Get Dressed: Looks like THAT sad little puppy needs a check-up.
Pif: I think I'm going to be sick. (bleaaaack)
Naked Guy: (in a loud, matter of fact, hand-on-the-hip-finger-pointing-tone) Say there stranger, how big is your penis when it's fully erect?
Pif: I don't know. Please go away and read my rant on the subject at http://songotd.blogspot.com/
Today's Song of the Day is 'Your Feets Too Big' by Thomas 'Fats' Waller off his 1929 Album 'The Joint is Jumpin'
Crazy Fact: Fats Waller pioneered the use of the pipe organ and Hammond organ in jazz -- he called the pipe organ the "God box."
njoy
1 comment:
Dude, I was at a Berliner beach this summer that would give you nightmares for the rest of your life.
Firstly, naturally, it was clothing-optional...but all of Germany is, really.
Secondly, it was small... and packed... mostly with men of all ages, most of them naked, creatively pierced, and quite loudly homosexual.
I think you might have actually died there. All the same, the lake was far too small, I imagine the water was completely toxic. Yes, sadly, I kept my shorts on.
The horror. The horror.
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