Boozers Take Heart

We've all been sucked into these articles 'Five wrong things to do in bed' or '12 quickest ways to lose weight' or whatever but I followed one of these wayward links to an unlikely end:

Researchers Say They May Know What Causes 90% of Heart Attacks

Blah
Blah
Blah...pinpointed to one or more of the following:

Smoking (ok, I knew that. I quit that shite.)

Abnormal cholesterol (sure sure, nothing new.)

Diabetes (I no got. I no care.)

High blood pressure (I'm pretty sure mine is low... actually I have no idea, but whatever...)

Stress (yeah yeah, this one pretty much ruins EVERYTHING, so no freakin' surprise here doc.)

Abdominal obesity (so far, so skinny.)

Sedentary lifestyle (Hmm... not capable of sitting still... might be ok.)

Eating too few fruits and vegetables (shit, mom was right AGAIN! dammit)

Abstaining from alcohol (yeah yeah booze is the source of all evil, blah bl...w-wait a minute, come again? "Abstaining!?" no it can't be! I-I must have this mixed up, this word can't possibly mean what I think it means, let's look it up...

"Ab·stain: To refrain from something by one's own choice."

Well well well, Doc, you crazy bastard! That's the best news I heard from your ilk since "No, I guess we don't have time to do the prostate exam, today." Shit dawg read on...

'Studies have shown that men who drink up to two alcohol drinks a day and women who drink up to one a day have a lower risk of heart disease. One drink is generally considered to be four to five ounces of wine, a 12-ounce beer, or 1 ounce of liquor.'

Two drinks a day, huh? Well, that's a start... and EVERYONE knows you can bank them so if I don't drink all week that means 7 for friday and 7 for saturday right? and those are just the healthy ones! That not my limit anymore that's my new starting point. Or if you don't drink all week that's 14 drinks (Hypochondria and Alcoholism make strange bed fellows):

Pif: lisssen osifer I's under dockers (hick) orzderzz. I hasta dink at leeeeasht two, that'sh TWO, more a dees beersh before I go (hick) home or I could DIE of a heart attack! yeah, you heard right (hick) DIE! Shcoutsh honour. and and I's gots the (hick) the hic-ups and I un know iff I kin make (hick) it. You knows duh CPR? beshter (hick) calls duh 9 1 1 jush in cashed. Bartender, I'lll haff doze lashed two ta go (hick), k?


Today's Song of the Day is "One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer" by John Lee Hooker off his 1974 album "Free Beer and Chicken." (Great Name!)

or

Today's Song of the Day is "Jersey Girl" by Tom Waits off his 1980 album "Heartattack and Vine."

You guy's vote by clicking on the comments link right below this line: