He Retarded Me with Science.

I sit in calculus class understanding everything. Totally following everything he says (with a little work, granted, but by the end of the class I understand.) So today I stay after-class for the "optional tutorial.' Cool. I'm sure I need all the help I can get. 60 or so in the class. 57 leave. So me and the remedial remainder stare at him blankly as his asks what he wants him to do for us.

The 3 Retarded Borg: 'uuumm...'

Teach: 'I fink I'll do anuva derivative equaytion, fat way we can look limits too'

The Collected Retarded: (we nod our head in understanding as he solves the problem.)

Teach: 'Ok so you guys do this one. It's a simple one.'

Sure. I write it down. I look at it. I get to work. (pause) I have NO IDEA what to do.

It seems the universe turned on the retardation ray. It's a heat lamp right above my head. Whenever he looks at me the temperature goes up. If he speaks directly to me it is as if I stuck my head into a sun. I am utterly overwhelmed. Utterly retarded. I don't know how to speak or think or move. I can only sense two things: fear and retardation. At this point, these dependant variables are nearing infinity. I just want to say the thing that makes him go away. As soon as I do or say that thing (even though I don't know what that was I was incapable of rational thought at that point). I take my head out of the sun, pack up and leave. I try not to run.


Today's Song of the Day is "Let's Get Retarded" by Black Eyed Peas off their 2003 album "Elephunk." (I had to.)

Crazy Fact: Eazy-E's Ruthless Records signed the group in 1992, but many in the Ruthless camp were puzzled by the group and the enthusiasm of Eazy (of NWA), who had no problem reconciling his own gangster style with the peace-minded breakdancing of these cats.

njoy