The Quandry of the Bathing Cat.

Why the HELL to cats hate water so much? It's madness. If you have seen a wet angry cat then you can appreciate the genius of this:

How To Bathe a Cat:

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape).
CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any
purchase they can find.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power wash and rinse' which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.

http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/about/best/van/238094636.html

I'm getting married in three days. Fortunately it doesn't feel even remotely real yet. Maybe I'm the cat. maybe the toliet bowl is the cemomony but after those three or four flushes I can "rocket out" dry off and I'll be a better cat than I was before I went in.


Today's Song of the Day is "Hang Onto Yourself" by David Bowie off his 1972 album "The Rise And Fall Of Ziggy Stardust And The Spiders From Mars."

Crazy Fact: In 1977, he helmed Iggy Pop's comeback records The Idiot and Lust for Life, and toured anonymously as Pop's keyboardist.

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Going to the Chapel and we're taking a vallium.

Here is a video of me after the ceremony is over and I realize I never EVER have to do that again.

http://www.elfyourself.com/?userid=b540ee109ac06238d3d5676_20061207

This also the outfit I've picked out for the honeymoon suite. And if your coming to the wedding this is the dance we are all going to do in celebration of this joyous day... except the ceremony part of the day. I want to skip the ceremony. I can't really find many allies on this one. I'm incredibly nervous about this ceremony business. I like the being married part, I just don't like the ceremony part. I need a way to calm the nerves so I don't have a panic attack. I'm thinking vallium. That's the only thing in my bag of tricks so far, but if anyone to lend me a trick ot two, it would be super handy. I've always said I'll need a diaper or a gurney to make it through the ceremony. I thought I was joking. Now I'm not so sure. I'd perfer a stretcher to a totally panic attack meltdown, like space mountain, where I scream like a bat uncontrollably. It was ok in the dark and on a rollercoster, but in a hall in front of all my friends and new family... not really an option, more like a very real nightmare.


Today's Song of the Day is "Psycho Killer" by Talking Heads off their 1977 album "Talking Heads: 77".

Crazy Fact: In 1976, keyboardist Jerry Harrison, a former member of Jonathan Richman's Modern Lovers, was added to the lineup.

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It's been that long.

Hey everybody. I only have one exam left and I get married in just under two weeks.

This is one of those situations where you have too much to say so you say nothing. Where to start? Well I'll make make small talk instead. Three things that I find astounding:

They are making a Moon Base. ( Dude!!!)
They found flowing water on Mars. (Evian has bought the rights... Joking)
Sarah quit smoking. (Love that girl.)
Boeing has invented a solar panel that captures 40% of the suns energy (Ok 4 Things. That's up from 18%)

That's the kinda solar panels they have in the world which burns no oil. That stops interfering in the affairs of the middle east, that doesn't create CO2 and allows you to generate your own power. I like that world. That world also has a base on the moon, which is very very 70s TV of them.

Ok the C++ is calling me.


Today's Song of the Day is "The Prettiest Star" by David Bowie off his 1973 album "Aladdin Sane."

Crazy Fact: I'm Alive.

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Bell Curve

On the day I had to write the mid-term exam in question I found out the following three facts:

1. Last year the highest mark was 28/40
2. 3 People passed it
3. The average mark was 35% (out of 100%)

I was already scared shit-less. This just made it worse. I wrote everything I could find on to index cards. I studied them like I've never studied before. Because the week before I found out 3 other facts:

1. The class I'm taking is widely regarded as the hardest course in the school. (Must be an exaggeration... right?!)
2. Professor: "I've made the easiest exam I've ever made in my career... but I said that last year... and the year before... but the point is that it's the easiest yet." (I shiver as a swift cloak of fear darkens my future.)
3. Many, many students fail the course... one guy in my class is taking it for the third time.

Now I've written it and I blew it. The most frustrating part is that it wasn't because I didn't know the material, but because I didn't finish. So 25% of my mark will be a zero.

I can't shake it. It's driving me crazy. It's precisely the reason why academia is rotten in the middle. Success in academia proves you are successful in academia not that you understand a given topic. enforced anti-collaberation and performance under strict time-contrants... how close you can reach an unreachable goal are the domian of academia. I am bad at tests and passing work on time. These two things will keep my marks down. The conselation prize is that there are no tests in the "real world" and I've met very very few deadlines that couldn't be pushed back a few days. and furthermore, individual effort is much less valuable than group productivity. SO my failings will be inconsequential "out-there" but man is it hard on me in here.

At this point my only hope is that the bell curve swings me above water.


Today's song of the Day is "Gayane Suite No. 1: vii. Adagio for Gayaneh" Conducted by Gennadi Rezhdestvensky, composed by Aram Khatchaturian in 1941.

Crazy Fact: The Plot of this Ballet is the main character Gayane, helps entrap a spy bent on stealing Soviet geological secrets.

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I have to come up for air...

It's been so fucking long since i've done this I just had explain.

I've never worked harder in my life 12 hours a day one break to eat, one break to walk home then eat then work till the drugs wear off.

It's both envigorating and exhausting. I'm giv'n er. Really giv'n er.

One story from this all the echos with me everyday. I'm taking a course called CSCI 3110 Algorithms. It's the most failed course in our Computer Science Department. On the last assignment one half the class failed one quarter of whom got ZERO on their assignment, to which he commented the marks are still higher than he would have liked.

zero. No 'E' for effort here. FUCK!! it's terrifies me.

Last class he was writing a 'rigorous' proof of the 'master theorem' on the board (which solves recurance relations the "easy way" please note the irony when I say that) and NOT ONLY did he RUN OUT of lowercase roman letters and had to resort lower case greek alphabet to continue, but he got it wrong... HE got it wrong. SO will start again from the top next class.

One big problem for me is I don't know what lower case ALPHA, lower case THETA and OMEGA so when he points to the mysterious mess of symbols on the board and says in a feint german accent:


HIM: "the important thing to notice here is alpha.."

IN MY HEAD: "WHICH ONE! which one- where is he looking- what's he point at is that "L" looking one? Maybe maybe it's the "w" looking one. maybe the half-infinity-thing? WHICH ONE!"

HIM: "As our geometric series approaches infinity our q goes to 2 and we know can drop constants..."

IN MY HEAD: "YAAAAAH I understood that! WHERE THE FUCK IS ALPHA?!"

HIM: "So theta of n log a minus small omega to the base of b minus 1 over n to the i log q to the base b..."

IN MY HEAD: "...don't let them see you cry..."


BTW Happy post-wedding bliss Dennis and Antje. I'm a self-involved turd for not saying congratulations till now. Dennis, does this mean you are officially a German?


Today's Song of the Day is "99 Red Balloons" by Nena off her 1984 album "99 Luftballons." (I couldn't find the German one.)

Crazy Fact: In 2005, her album 'Willst Du Mit Mir Gehn', went platinum. She is still... it's 20 years later! crazy!

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My Girlfriend is Cooler than Me.

Some people buy tickets to see the rolling stones, cool people get well paid to see the rolling stones and work the VIP lounge, other people stay home and break open Vitamin B capsules to see what's inside and clean the drain of their very cool girlfriends hair...sigh...

I suppose I'm just distracting myself from my own uncool-ness while my very cool girlfriend excitedly puts on make up and pumps 'stones on the stereo, dancing, happy, cool.

Life ain't fair.

At first I talked all this shit like who fucking cares... it's just the a bunch of old fuckers... That's all bull. Crank any of their many classic tunes and you'll feel the pull. it will be a great show.

I hope it rains... No I don't. Gawd... I wish I hoped that it rained.

Sigh, goes the loser...


Today's Song of the Day is "Dead flowers" by The Rolling Stones off their 1971 album "Sticky fingers."

Crazy Fact: ...sigh...

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Power corrupts

If these guys were still in charge of this Continent I don't think this would have happened.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=oaHyuWgir8U

There's a problem here. Why the hell did this cop have to pepper spray a 17 year old girl. When no only was she innocent, but not violent or running for it. AND you know where to find her, because you are confronting her at her Job.

"Cleared of all wrong-doing." This is my new favourite form of bull-shit.


Today's Song of the Day is "Play With Fire" by The Rolling Stones off thier 1965 album "Out Of Our Heads."

Crazy Fact: They are causeing a crazy circus in Downtown Halifax tomarrow, with over 70,000 in attendance. Is this Halifax?

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Banned Documentary

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=359924937663867563

It's quite disturbing.


Today's Song of the Day is "No Quarter" by Led Zeppelin off their 1973 album "Houses of the Holy".

Crazy Fact: This documentary's still got me a little fucked up. I don't have one.

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All of these guys are just like the others

It only happens like this in movies. Our Hero goes into his Computer Science Class and the biggest geek in the room isn't our hero, it's not the guy who sat beside him, but the proffessor. All the following comments were said in the the first class:

"To explain the concept of the Dyad... Who here has played Dungeons and Dragons?" (silence, everyone of us afraid to admit the truth)

"Does anyone remember the old Infocom games, specifically Hitchikers guide to the Galaxy, which douglas Adam wrote himself?"

"That remind me of a Joke." (which is neither funny nor dirty)

"Has anyone here seen the last episode of 'Buffy'."

"On the plane to texas, I was really lucky find they had the last episode of the original Star Trek."

He wears a huge tie, suspenders and a huge backpack, expertly straped down. wow. picture it.

He made a monty python and the Holy Grail Joke which nobody got and then explained it to the class (The Holy Hand Grenade).

He bemoaned that when he was in undergrad his classmates were better versed in Star Trek, D&D and the like... In fact we all knew what he was talking about, we just didn't want to admit it.

We all quietly sat, looking about the room for someone to break, someone to follow, then settling in thinking the same thing "Shhh it's a secret. As long as I don't blow my cover. I'm the computer science student who's cool, that's me, I'm that guy. I can do it."


Today's Song of the Day is "Lucy with Diamonds" by William Shatner off his 1968 album "The Transformed Man."

Crazy Fact: Has a business degree from McGill University.

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Not all Americans are sheep.

Here's a piece commentary quoted from MSNBC:

And anyone who claims that I and others like me are "soft,"or have "forgotten" the lessons of what happened here is at best a grasping, opportunistic, dilettante and at worst, an idiot whether he is a commentator, or a Vice President, or a President.

It's all very good. but pro-american, but that's to be expected. baby steps.


Today's Song of the Day is "Prelude for piano No.6 in G minor, Op. 23/5" performed by Vladimir Horowitz off his album "Horowitz Encores" composed by Sergei Rachmaninov in 1901.

Crazy Fact: The dismal reception of Rachmaninov's Symphony No. 1, led to an extended period of depression and self-doubt, which he overcame with the aid of hypnosis.

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Oh yeah 9/11...

five year anniversary... interesting... Anyway back to things that happened in THIS country. I was at the grocery store buying milk and the guy at the checkout was pretty old and yet still a spry lookin' guy. I looked at his tag "John: a valued employee since 1956."
I counting on my fingers and then thought "HOLY SHIT! That's fifty years." That mean's he has got to be at least 65 unless that was back in day before child labour laws. So he must be retiring, like, now. A Whole 50 years at one job. fuck man, that's serious. what a narrow view of the world, but what a unique detailed slice of the universe he must have in his head.

Crazy. Almost as crazy as this super-fucking-freakey picture.


Today's Song of the Day is "I Walk The Line" by Johnny Cash off his 1956 album "Johnny Cash With His Hot and Blue Guitar."

Crazy Fact: Hey watch the movie.

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Vomit Comet

Wow. I went on the Cat on the way back from Bar Harbour and it wasn't fun. It goes pretty fast, but man it's make people ill.

I start feeling pretty bad after we hit full speed. The rocking at that point was severe enough that you couldn't walk without at least one hand on the rail at all times. I trying looking outside. that made it worse. I tried walking around. It was distracting but I kept seeing people looking green and forlorn or tying close used barf bags, which was not encouraging. I finally couldn't take it and went to the can and sat in a stall. I refused to throw-up, though my body felt it was imparitive, I knew it wouldn't help.

I sat there for 2 hours and 5 minutes. I heard this terrible movie 'RV' over the speaker system. It wasn't helping. I thought it would be funny to say "robin william's new movie was so bad I puked through it", but again, not worth it. While I sat there trying to find my happy place, I heard people puking all around me. You'd think it would send me over the edge, but actually each time I heard that heaving and spattering A half smile would grow across my face. Puking is always funny, but more than that I felt a sense of victory. An evil sense of victory, a kind of "nay nay puker! I you suck. I didn't puke, but you did! nay nay." It kept me going.

I held on, I made it and at this point I have to thank the pukers for making that possible.


Today's Song of the Day is "Cherub Rock" by The Smashing Pumpkins off their 1993 album "Siamese Dream"

Crazy Fact: Bassist D'Arcy Wretzky and guitarist James Iha had a messy break-up just before this album was recorded.

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Let The Book Geek Awaken!

Beware... You may lose many hours of you life if you follow this link. Signing up is far too easy. I though I'd give it a try I put in one book, looked at it, then ran to my book shelf grabbed a chunk of books and entered them. I'm trying to control myself. It's hard. Here is my Collection so far.

Finding the exact cover of my copy is the true source of my obsession.

AND I've added a LibraryThing Widget to this page scroll down and You'll see it.


Today's Song of the Day is "Bookends Theme" by Simon & Garfunkel off their 1966 album "Bookends."

Crazy Fact: No time for crazy Facts I gotta log some more books.

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Strange Places at Home.

I went to Cape Sable Island over the Labour Day weekend. It's the southernest part of Nova Scotia. It was so populated. I had no idea so many people lived there, but everybody had expertly painted signs with the names on them "Patty and Buzzy Smith" and "Joanne and George McNab". I just thought what if I put a sign in front of my apartment "Pif and Sarah" here in the scarey ol' north end... a little out of place. I'd say over 50% of the homes had signs like this.

But the coolest thing was they had a beach called "The Hawk" not a super-hero a beach. fucking cool. And on this beach, only visible at low tide was "The Drowned Forest" I have expected to see Frodo and Sam creeping around the seaweed with gollum in tow. No hobbits to be seen however.


Today's Song of the Day is "In A Big Country" by Big Country off their 1983 album "The Crossing."

Crazy Fact: On December 16, 2001 Stuart Adamson was found dead in a hotel room in Hawaii. He had been missing for several weeks from his Nashville, Tennessee home.

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America Drives an SUV

I just got back from Bar Harbour, Maine. Every server in every restaurant, every hotel porter, all the front desk people were from away, far away, like Russia, Poland, Argentina, Hungary it was bizarre and with thick accents, not born in the usa just working. It was so weird. I can only think that they are on a student exchange program or something. THis wasn't like NYC or something this was freeaking MAINE!

Doesn't anyone know what the fuck?!


Today's Song of the Day is "Immigrant Song" by Led Zeppelin off their 1970 album "Led Zeppelin III"

Crazy Fact: The 1990 box set Led Zeppelin became the biggest-selling multi-disc box set of all time.

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The Bull

The human ear has an amazing detection system for bullshit. Unfortunately, the evil people know this. They disable our built-in systems with our greatest weakness, fear. In this case it's Fear of looking stupid or being wrong. When someone says "disintermediate extensible infrastructures" or "benchmark proactive ROI" we nod and and try not to show fear as we 'calmly' walk away. Just the same as if they were to say "emmient terrorist threat."

Here is another of my favorite forms of bullshit, the Post-Modern Essay. This computer program makes nearly perfectly randomly non-sensical essays. I personally find it vindicating. Pomo bites all.

Since this(automated creative sensible 'text/thought' generation) is kinda what I'm going to do when I grow up I thought I might share.


Today's Song of the Day is "True Colors" by Cindi Lauper off her 1986 album "True Colors"

Crazy Fact: Cindi Lauper filed for bankruptcy in 1980.

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Disturb me right out the door.

NSA Wiretapping Whistleblowers Found Dead in Italy and Greece

What the hell?! I think, maybe the joke is over and it's time to move into the mountain with a truckload of shotguns and fear. This is pretty scarey to me, especially the lack of press on the subject.

This shit makes Hugo Chávez’s paranoia seem grounded. He has good fuckin' reason to be scared. He'll be the next iraq.

I think I'm about to be welcomed into the paranoid world of the survivalists. Ulo... is that you?


Today's Song of the Day is "Tomorrow, Wendy" by Concrete Blonde off their 1990 album "Bloodletting."

Crazy Fact: In 1987 Dream 6 signed to I.R.S. and changed its name to Concrete Blonde at the suggestion of labelmate Michael Stipe.

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Laughing at is funnier

Maybe it's anything with a humiliation that's funny, I don't know, but what I do know is
I wish people would get it in there head that good taste and humour have nothing to do with each other. They aren't opposites they aren't even on the same plane of existence. For example people getting hurt (especially tripping) and hurting themselves is funny. So funny in fact that the japanese have a funny as hell show Most Extreme Elimination Challange based entirely on, and exploring every nuace of this facinating subject and it fucking kills me.

But this video is my point (click this and laugh you're hole off)

Some people think it's funny as long as they don't get hurt.
Some people think it's funny as long as someone doesn't get seriously hurt.
Some people think it's funny as long as someone doesn't die.

Whatever pick your flavour, but the Darwin awards are funny for a reason.


Today's Song of the Day is "Le Pain Perdu" by Cibo Matto off thier 1996 album "Viva! La Woman."

Crazy Fact: This whole album, Viva! La Woman, is about food.

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Slow Ninja Theatre

This is an Interesting bit of theatre and pretty funny too. 225 people went to Home Depot and shopped in slow motion. There's lots of video on you tube.

Back in the day this is the stuff I liked to do. It's not stale like the rest, this is the kind of theatre that won't be over taken by a better way to tell stories (ie movies, TV, and in some cases video games.) These forms have made theatre into a history lesson for the mainstream population. But the employees of Home Depot had an intense reaction was, this reached them in a way a movie can't, same for the performers. Here, they are all participants, audience and performer, theatre done to them not for them, that's the stuff baby, that's what I like.


Today's Song of the Day is "Somebody's Watching Me" by Rockwell off his 1984 album "Somebody's Watching Me."

Crazy Fact: Rockwell aka Kennedy Gordy is the son of Motown founder Berry Gordy, and friends with Michael Jackson, wow that a tough life, how could you ever fail in the music industry with family and friends like that? Well after this single he found a way.

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Comic Commentary

Do have any idea how many times I had the phrase "War is hell kid. Dyin' is easy, it's livin' that's hard." I wonder what kind of effect the war comic Ethos has had on my ethical development. The more i read of these comics the more i see how anti-war they really are. Comics taught me that unless you have super-powers or are a viking or a cool name you are going to get killed and it's gonna suck. Maybe that's why I'm a Pif now? Hmmm...

On a side note I can't believe the New York Times made an analogy between the morning after pill and Lollipops:

"Both sides are wrong, studies suggest. Couples in the United States have so much unprotected sex — half of all pregnancies are unplanned — that even if the pills were passed out like lollipops, they would be unlikely to cause a major change in abortion and disease rates."

Today's Song of the Day is "The Carnival of the Animals: 13. The Swan" Composed by Camille Saint-Saëns.

Crazy Fact: Saint-Saëns had two children, they died within six weeks of each other, one from a four-story fall. very very shitty.

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