Bell Curve

On the day I had to write the mid-term exam in question I found out the following three facts:

1. Last year the highest mark was 28/40
2. 3 People passed it
3. The average mark was 35% (out of 100%)

I was already scared shit-less. This just made it worse. I wrote everything I could find on to index cards. I studied them like I've never studied before. Because the week before I found out 3 other facts:

1. The class I'm taking is widely regarded as the hardest course in the school. (Must be an exaggeration... right?!)
2. Professor: "I've made the easiest exam I've ever made in my career... but I said that last year... and the year before... but the point is that it's the easiest yet." (I shiver as a swift cloak of fear darkens my future.)
3. Many, many students fail the course... one guy in my class is taking it for the third time.

Now I've written it and I blew it. The most frustrating part is that it wasn't because I didn't know the material, but because I didn't finish. So 25% of my mark will be a zero.

I can't shake it. It's driving me crazy. It's precisely the reason why academia is rotten in the middle. Success in academia proves you are successful in academia not that you understand a given topic. enforced anti-collaberation and performance under strict time-contrants... how close you can reach an unreachable goal are the domian of academia. I am bad at tests and passing work on time. These two things will keep my marks down. The conselation prize is that there are no tests in the "real world" and I've met very very few deadlines that couldn't be pushed back a few days. and furthermore, individual effort is much less valuable than group productivity. SO my failings will be inconsequential "out-there" but man is it hard on me in here.

At this point my only hope is that the bell curve swings me above water.


Today's song of the Day is "Gayane Suite No. 1: vii. Adagio for Gayaneh" Conducted by Gennadi Rezhdestvensky, composed by Aram Khatchaturian in 1941.

Crazy Fact: The Plot of this Ballet is the main character Gayane, helps entrap a spy bent on stealing Soviet geological secrets.

njoy