Happy Halloween

Dress-up.
Eat candy.
Scare some kids.
Drink some booze.

Have fun.

Oh and by the way you can eat the apples there has been ZERO cases of the 'razor-blade in the apple' urban myth. Probably perpetuated by them evil, but tastey, candy manufactures and those double-dealing dentists. Can you really TRUST a Dentist? Do the Hate there job SO much that they would really put themselves out of business? Methinks not. A lollipop in the waiting room and a 'toothbrush' on the way out (whatever THAT is.)


Today's Song of the Day is "Dr. Funkenstein" by Parliament off their 1976 album "The Clones of Dr. Funkenstein."

Crazy Fact: George Clinton stole Bootsy Collins, Maceo Parker and Fred Wesley from James Browns back-up band.

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The Cyclops and the Vampire.

Sometimes I wish a wore a sandwich board to prevent all stupid questions or at least to limit the repetition. Like You lose an eye accidently in the kitchen from playing with knives, then you gotta tell EVERYONE you know or meet the WHOLE stupid chain of events and yes accept there sympathy and yes accept their ridicule. Over and over re-living the events and every single person you talk to feels like they are really funny or the MOST sympathetic or the first ones to talk to you about it, but no it wasn't funny the first time and/or I'm tired of crying about it and eventually you feel like your comforting them. Now how did that happen? I'm the guy with only one eye to cry with and I'm crying for YOU. Look this eye of mine is tired as hell and he's feeling awfully over worked so come on just read the sandwich board then go home curl up with your teddy bear, I have to start my One-eyed life and your standing in my way crying like a baby. WHAT ABOUT ME! the cyclops needs some love! I gotta fill a whole eye socket with love and you, you VAMPIRE! are stealing it from me. So take a good look and go tell your friends, just don't stand agape in horror on MY TIME! jesus you lose an eye and every one turns into fucking chicken little.

Look at me I'm a mess, I'm freaking OUT over here and I didn't even lose an eye I'm just talking about losing an eye metaphorically and it's like Goya stepped inside my head and painted a whole new life for me. Jesus, this procrastination thing can be pretty disturbing stuff.


Today's Song of the Day is "Never Going Back Again" by Fleetwood Mac off there 1977 album "Rumours."

Crazy Fact: I always hated the name of this band, I'm not sure why... anyway In 1971 their guitarist Jeremy Spencer had also been undergoing mental problems due to heavy drug use. During the band's American tour, Spencer disappeared; it was later discovered that he left the band to join the religious cult the Children of God. nice.

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Shome Sha-aay LUUUUUUFF Id issssh lick a riiiiiibber...

You know what. You know when you're drunk and you talk and shit is all messed up and makes no sense to the listener and meanwhile you are on the inside thinking 'Dude! I'm the next fucking Shakespeare.' So when you tell someone this after a bottle of wine they hear 'Ims very the so artsh-tickerish.'

Well it seems the same happens when you type. I replied to an e-mail whilst 'three sheets to the wind.' And then re-read it, the next day. It is very disappointing. It gives one new rules.

don't ever type when drunk.
don't ever record yourself drunk.
never speak to a sober person while drunk.

This gives me an idea Cable 10 presents The First Annual Alcoholics Anonymous Tequila and Karaoke Party. After 10 rounds and a tearful rendition of 'The Rose.' Then watch that tape. What you remember, we be so different from actual performance that the resulting mountain of embarrassment would keep you off booze for a year. Just put the video tape in the liquor cabinet. It would work for me.


(The image of drunkenly and tearfully massacring this song is SO perfect Karaoke I HAD to send it. Had to.)

Today's Song of the Day is "The Rose" by Bette Midler off her 1979 Album 'The Rose."

Crazy Fact: Paul A. Rothchild produced the final Janis Joplin studio album, Pearl, and the late producer was the perfect guy to produce this tribute to Joplin from the 1979 film soundtrack of 'The Rose.'

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As Soon as Your Born your Die-eye-ing.

Birthdays, here's what I know. The first one was NO FUN. very stressful for everyone. everyone was quite relieved when it was over. The baby birthday's are fun. Lots of happy people looking at you and giving you stuff. (but that's just business at usual.)

Then everything changes when you learn the words 'just wait for your birthday.' Then you realize your birthday is your own personal christmas. It goes like that until your 20th birthday. Then things start to change gears. Less presents more booze. add another drop of fear to every batch from here on in.

29 to 31 = exploding in slow motion. This is the breaking point. The rising fear balances fun somewhere around here and starts to over take it, kinda not sure to think about this whole 'age celebration' thing anymore. Can't stop the bus. Can't get one foot out the grave, can't really be surprised and yet there it is 'surprise!' And that's all I knew until my dad dropped this piece of wisdom on me in the car this morning:


'Your birthday starts to get scary when you can't double it.' He stared forward in half-amused detached bewilderment.

'damn...' I stared forward in half-amused detached bewilderment. 'Shit pops, that's the truth.'

'yup.'


Now I feel young again, in an odd kind of way. Anyway, I'm set for at least the next ten years.

Happy Birthday Dad.


Today's Song of the Day is "So What'cha Want" by The Beastie Boys off their 1992 album "Check Your Head."

Crazy Fact: Licensed to Ill was the fastest-selling debut in Columbia Records' history, moving over 750,000 copies in its first six weeks.

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Blue is the Colour of My Brain (with yellow spots.)

I'm in a melancholy mood.

I'm searching for that song that's just right. One that will reflect it all back, so I can take a good look. maybe have a good cry. One of those moods that effortlessly looks through the usual cynicism. When the build up of sarcastic associations melts away and a mood comes over you that indulges a certain kind of sentimentality, one that craves a familiarity, that reaches for a song as if for a blanket well worn, threadbare, held together by a bittersweet comforting past.

Sometimes you need songs like that.


Today's Song of the Day is "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd off there 1975 album "Wish You Were Here."

Crazy Fact: This entire album was dedicated to their former leader Syd Barrett. (almost sent Careless Whisper.)

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It Can Only Get Better From Here.

You can't dismiss pop music. Pop music has such an emormous influence on our culture. It may suck, but when it doesn't... it's a plume of colour shooting out over a dreary, grey wastland. People notice it and come running for miles, from all over the earth hopeing to get another view.

Look at Nirvana. boom. Then everyone buys the second album the day it comes out, so they can be present, this time, from the beginning. Look at the Beatles, you just heard all that crappy 50s music, then out of know where (by know where I mean england) all this amazing music erupts, like kids running through fountains people flock for a taste. Screaming in a state of nature, like the bacchae, in a mind blowing extascy. It's Perry Como and Andrew Sisters fault. If they didn't SUCK so hard then the Beatles, the Stones, the Who, (and the Kinks) would never had stood out so clearer against that shitty shitty background they painted.

Without the SHITTY periods you could never have the good. When it's good, it means people have won, the marketing isn't working anymore. All is in balance. Unfortunately, the marketeers recalibrate there sell-o-meter and get to work dimantling anything artistic or interesting about the good and crank out new some happless attention seeking tool in the 'beatles' or 'nirvana' package. Like fractals, it's hard to predict where one is going to start and the last in going to end, but boy is it ever magic when things change.


Today's Song of the Day is "Cristo Redentor" by Donald Byrd off his 1963 ablum "A New Perspective" (recorded January 12, 1963 at Van Gelder Studio)

Crazy Fact: Check out his FULL name: Donaldson Toussaint L'Ouverture Byrd II. wow.

Killer Performance, Killer Applause.

What a heartbreaker of an album.

For his whole life, Vladimir Horowitz had a persistent irrational fear of failure. This caused him untold grief. One of the consequences was is lead him to consistently and erratically cancel concerts at the last minute. He was very sensitive and emotional his whole life.

As a young boy he had to flee his native russia in the 1920s. He spent most of his life in exile from his beloved home land. In 1986, under the treat of 'repatriation' he returned to Russia, amidst deep cold war tension, for a series of unforgettably emotional charged performances. If you can imagine the pressure and fear heaped on this already fragile artist, he pours it ALL into this performance.

The gratitude in the applause at the end of this song is killer. This great russian Pianist has returned to russia and plays Russian compositions, especially this one. like they have never heard before. His appearance behind the iron curtain is a signal of a new era, of the opening of the door to the west. It's crazy. it makes me want to cry. Crank it for full effect.

(oh by the way I'm UTTERLY sick of the Fifties now, so that's all over... for now.)


Today's Song of the Day is "Etude in D Sharp Minor, Op. 8, No. 12: Patetico" composed by Alexander Scriabin in 1894, performed here by Vladimir Horowitz off his 1986 Album 'Horowitz in Moscow.'

Crazy Fact: In 1903, Scriabin abandoned his wife and their four children and embarked on a European journey with a young admirer, Tatyana Schloezer. jer-ry! jer-ry! jer-ry!

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The Cyber-Jitters and the Great E-mail Lament

You type an e-mail of questionable quality, possibly too revealing in nature or perhaps a questionable link. I'll paint a picture for you. It's late, your in your room, your listening to your music, you got that peaceful uber-easy feeling and in the PS you say something like 'p.s.. Why didn't we ever get together?' or 'p.s.. MAN! I just can't stop masturbating' Then you impulsively, defiantly hit send.

You get that quick sweat just after you hit send, when you can feel your hair line. Yeah, you know it. That's the beginning of what turns out to be a long sleepless night of near constant 'check mails' and nail-biting re-reads. You will stay in that hyper-aware stasis until that person responds.

If they don't respond in 18 hours you have to send those wooden 'so how are you. I hope you are well. I hope the kids are well. I hope work is well. well well well. I hope I hear from you soon.' emails. God forbid they don't respond to that. Then is the full on "Are you mad at me did I say something? What's wrong? I haven't heard from you in a while." Though you know EXACTLY what you did. Still nothing. Then you lose it "I'm sorry about the crude thing I said I didn't mean to freak you out and I really was joking about your kids name and she's not that ugly, really, she quite a beautiful child. sincerely, the apologetic asswipe.' Then later that day you get a group e-mail from him/her: 'I'm having a great time in Fiji here's some pics of me and the kids! I'll be back on Thursday.'

Now you feel like your going to puke. Your neurosis so clearly documented, so forwardable. Oh heavy day.

(everyone who knows me please write me a quick e-mail saying something reassuring.)

We all must suffer as Fifties Week continues (we will make it together.)


Today's Song of the Day is "Bye, Bye Love" by The Everly Brothers off there 1957 debut "The Everly Brothers"

Crazy Fact: There second album is called 'Songs Our Daddy Taught Us' HA HA HA HA! Man! the fifties SUCKED!

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The Celebrity Freakshow

Jerry Lee Lewis was the first ever Rock 'n' Roll Freakshow. Pills, Booze, setting his piano on fire and most memorabley marrying his 13 year-old cousin. This guy is a living Crazy Fact, I don't know where to start. After the first 5 years of Rock 'n' Roll, it was all done. It's all Post-Modern paste after that. The only thing new after 1960 was the kids started writing there own songs. pffft big deal. What do I care?

A: Have you heard the new Radiohead-
B: OMIGOD! Did you SEE him on SNL, WHAT a druggy!

A: Did you see Monster?
B: NO but I saw her, the actress, on Oprah, She looks great!


Today's Song of the Day is "Great Ball of Fire" by Jerry Lee Lewis released in 1958.

Crazy Fact: His fathers name is Elmo. His cousin in Jimmy Swaggert. Wow.

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Elvis Who's Your Daddy?

Like most people born when Elvis wasn't cool AT ALL. I like Elvis and I think Elvis SUX. But as I was a big fan of Happy Days THIS was always the coolest oldies song ever. Ol' Bill gets ripped off in the history books. Released two years before Elvis went into the recording studio, Buddy Holly who? the beatles were still playing with blocks. Chuck berry didn't even record an album with chess yet. And in 1955, streaking across the sky was Bill Haley and His Comets at number one for 8 weeks. King of rock and/or roll indeed. Oedipus I calls him.

I'm going to make a mixed CD of guys who've been colossally ripped off. You know The Beta Band and Joe Meek are right along side.


Today's Song of the Day is "Rock Around The Clock" by Bill Haley and His Comets" first released in 1954 then released as the soundtrack to The Blackboard Jungle.

Crazy Fact: Bill Haley was blind in one eye from birth in 1925, and, as a consequence, suffered from terrible shyness as a boy.

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Welcome to the Terrordome

Baseball has the front page while the US war machine makes terrorists in Iraq. They will avenge themselves like Conan, 'You killed my father... you killed my family, my people!' Then George Bush will crucify them on a tree for all to see like the modern-day Thusa Doom he is (though with worse fashion-sense). 'Contemplate this on the tree of pain.' What will they contemplate on the tree of Pain? "the riddle of steel.' Thulsa-Bush did you even listen to yourself? "Steels not strong boy, Flesh is stronger. The sword is nothing in comparison to the hand that weilds it."

When some Conan comes out of the desert and flies a plane into a baseball stadium. We all know, George-doom is to blame.

Fuck you george, I'm tired of you. I really hope you get fired.


Today's Song of the Day is "Who's On First" by Abbott & Costello recorded in 1952 off this 2001 album "Great Radio Comedies."

Crazy Fact: Who's On First, became so famous that Bud and Lou cut a special gold record of it for inclusion into the Baseball Hall Of Fame.

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The Commandant Presents The King

As part of our Mandate at Song of the Day, the Royal We are commited to be representative of all styles and years of music, giving equal attention especailly 1950 to the present. In the interest of reaching these goals, We have divided music broadly into TWO catagories. These catagories are MUSIC THAT SUCKS and MUSIC THAT DOESN'T SUCK.

Through tireless hours of analysis of the S.O.T.D archives (mostly brought on by an overwhelming instinct to Procrastinate Calculus assignments) we have discovered something, so shocking that we have decided we must forgo the usual red tape and tell the listening public immediately. Though it may be hastey of us, we tell you in the interest of SCIENCE.

It seems between the years 1950 and 1959 there is a much Higher ratio of MUSIC THAT SUCKS then in any other 10 year period. This fact is reflected in archive itself. Commandant Pif's impeciable taste (yesterday's post not withstanding) has aptly demonstrated this fact, by selecting only the best fifites music to be included on this list and as any fool can see, there's very little of it there. But to be generous to the crappiest of decades, and in the interesting in giving equal representation to all musica eras, We have decided to fortify the SOTD Archive with some Ol' Time Rock and/or Roll.

We invite you, the listening public, to offer up your meger musical knowledge of this topic at the feet of all-knowing, uber-cool, Commadant Pif, for his consideration as he is utterly lost. As a wise man once said: [He is] Like one without a paddle on a creek composed entirely of shit.


Today's Song of the Day is "My Baby Left Me" by Elvis Presley off "The King's" Second album "Elvis"

Crazy Fact: The King is Dead. He is very dead. He died on the throne. OK and this is just plane disturbing the lyrics to 'Heartbreak Hotel' were written by a steel guitar player from Nashville named Tommy Durden. He was inspired by a newspaper story about a man who killed himself and left behind a note saying only, "I walk a lonely street." He was 'so lonely he could die.' for REAL. I'm checking into Hotel Disturbo.

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Short Blonde Guys OWNED the Eighties.

I'm sleepy so back off. I'm amidst midterms that's why the posts have increased in viscosity. But they'll bubble up eventually, I have a lot to say and no space to say it so there pressure is building. You just wait.

I think from the lack of sleep and increased pressure I'm reverting, devolving. I've been listening to Bryan Adams, Summer of 69 at every opportunity. It's very confusing. I really liked 1984 when I was a kid. I'm thinking it might be my happy place and bryan adams is part of that soundtrack like it or not. I think a part of me still wants to dress like Bryan Adams. The jeans white T-shirt white 'tennis shoes' and black leather jacket (or jean jacket) I like to say it was Jimmy Deans influence or Marlon Brando, to make myself cooler than I actually am. No, it's the Second-hand Bryan Adams Look that I'm aspiring to. When it's all you got:
Say it LOUD!
Say it PROUD!

I wish I was a cross between Michael J Fox and Bryan Adams, GODAMMIT! You HEAR me ASSHOLE! You LISTENIN'! Yeah YOU! You FUCKing HEARD me! BRYAN FUCKING ADAMS the KING of ROCK! and MICHAEL-

...piffy needs sleep. It time he stops talking. Goodnight everyone.


Today's Song of the Day is "Summer 69" by Bryan Adams off his 1984 "Reckless."

Crazy Fact: "(Everything I Do) I Do It for You" total worldwide sales came to eight million copies, more than any single since "We Are the World." That's fucked up. sick.

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From Almost Right to Totally Seventies in One Move.

If I could only recomend only ONE rock 'n' roll movie I think it would have to be Almost Famous. So many points to praise it. Coming of age story. Road picture. The story of music... It think's the best rock movie put to film. Purple Rain is great there's lots a greats but untill some body shouts me down. M'peeps Almost Famous is King.

Today's Song of the Day is "The Wind" by Cat Stevens off his 1971 album "Teaser and the Firecat."

Crazy Fact: Wow, the seventies can do anything! There should be a web site for your Seventies Name like they have for your prison name, your hobbit name or mobster name. Because the seventies got 'Cat Stevens' out of 'Steven Demetre Georgiou.' Crazy

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Bring your Hammer to the Rock Church.

OK on another geology field trip. They're fun but too early to get up on a Sunday. I'm thinking about calling it Sunday School, Having never gone to Sunday School I don't know anything about it, but I'm quite sure they didn't teach the worship of Rocks. Either way sunday and school = NO FAIR. anyways

We are Hanging out in the Bay of Fundy. The tide is advancing on us like a really wet cold muddy grass fire. OK nothing like a grass fire more like... like a drunk guy at a bar who just came in from the rain, sees you from across the room, and thinks he recognizes you. He really really wants to give you a big hug, but you don't know him, he sways back a forth, he retreats he goes for you again. you gingerly hop away, he sways again. He parlays, He's kind of easy to stay away from but he only has ONE thought in his drunken mind so if you are not ever vigilant against his lame persistence you will get soaked and very very uncomfortable.

Anyway I'm peering over "lizard tracks" in the Siltstone. I'm not convinced. But it's kind of a cool anyway.

"Your going to have to sketch these in your lab report, I can't I'm not artistic, that's why I'm in science."

I might as well have gone temporarily blind as my brain gurgled with crisis.

What am I doing here? I AM artistic, I'm doomed. I'm doing the wrong thing. I have to get out of here. It's not too late, is it? I have to switch my... I should just go for my masters, I got a BA. I got my honours they'll take me...right? I'm no scientist, Who am I trying to kid. shit. fuck. shit fuck. I'm gonna FAIL! I'm FUCKING doomed. I'm going to starve as a self-involved hyper-sensitive ball of anxiety. (probably brought on by Malnutrition)

fuck.

Well fifteen minutes, 12 seconds and two soakers later (damn Bay of Fundy 'hugged' me) my fear loosened and allowed blood to re-enter the optimistic (and yet equally irrational, though slightly more productive) parts of my brain. So I convinced myself that this will be my advantage, this will be my standard, the vanguard of my success. We will see where the pieces fall, but it was a motivating internal dialogue nonetheless. Especially that 'vanguard' word. Just call me Henry.

I should have rejected her ridiculous dichotomy in the first place. I should have let Leonardo bazooka it. Next time Leo, next time. Keep it loaded, you'll have your chance. We will have our revenge. Wet feet or no wet feet.


Today's Song of the Day is "She Blinded Me With Science" by Thomas Dolby off his 1982 album "Golden Age of Wireless."

Crazy Fact: In 1986, Dolby Labs filed suit against him prohibited the musician from using the name "Dolby" in conjunction with any other name than "Thomas."

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Prog-rock Ate My Innocence.

On the ladder of rock 'n' roll we will all argue which band is on top. We can all generally agree about 5 bands which should be in the top ten but one thing is for sure we all know which band is on the bottom.

In that mucky sticky soup of all that is unlistenably bad there is one band with their head just barely buoyant enough to stay afloat in those stormy vomitous seas of stinky, stale, rotten cheese from which the ladder of rock emerges. Clinging to the bottom rung for recognition and relevance, is one justifiably much-maligned band. That band is Yes.

If one more person asks me what prog-rock is I'm going to scream. Zappa and Pink Floyd aside, Can't we just forget?! Emerson, Lake and Palmer, King Crimson, Jethro Tull (listen to it again), Marillion, (early) Genesis, Rush. I want to cringe. Rush, oh man only the most Canadian of true rock geeks like Rush. I can't STAND rush. I like A LOT of stuff, a lot of stupid stuff but having grown up in the late seventies and eighties I can't shake the aversion to Prog-rock and especially RUSH. I don't care about the poly-rhythms (or whatEVER else) as long as that awful whining is pouring out of Giddy Lee's mouth, count me out.

That being said one of the Popiest of the Prog-rock bands blew my mind at age 7 with this song. At the age of seven I thought the Kansas had closed the book on all that is deep and meaningful. It was as if they extolled the most inner workings of the universe, How could people act as if nothing happened? How could they carry on with there lives in ignorance. Didn't they hear!? turn on your radio fools and listen... I mean REALLY listen god-damn it. '...all we are is dust in the wind. that's FUCKING ALL! and with that wicked acoustic guitar behind it all. It was a spiritual hammer eradicating all my weary and ill-conceived values.

At the tender age of seven I lie on the tear-soaked shag wall-to-wall carpeting on the 23rd floor of an apartment building amidst a urban waste, blankly staring at the stucco ceiling, in deep existential crisis, the radio playing and re-playing my loss, the years of my yet unlived life slip away before my eyes... everything is dust in the wind. What can one do? Where can I find meaning now? How can I take one more step towards that inevitable void? Who will SAVE me... I wonder if Happy Days is on.


Today's Song of the Day is "Dust in the Wind" by Kansas off their 1977 album "Point of Know Return." (Check out the cover to this one, it's CLASSIC)

Crazy Fact: Well I guess I know how the composer of the song dealt with this existential crisis, in the early 1980's Kerry Livgren became a born-again Christian.

The Middle of Nowhere Has Left the Building.

What the Hell? The BBC nightly world news has mentioned Halifax 3 nights in a row. What the Hell?

Tues: Sunday Shopping.
Wed: Submariner that died.
Thu: Cargo Plane Crash.

I know this is getting repetitive but, What the Hell? It freaked me out when they mentioned Halifax for the G7 summit on the world news years ago. And then for Hurricane Juan, what does it all mean!?! ah, nothing as usual. I'm just getting all worked up over something of little importance. I still think it's scrazy. loco. I'm making the intellectual decision to STAY worked up over it.

What's so wrong about irrationality of this kind anyway? You go ahead and bore yourself to tears with a life that makes perfect sense, where all is equal. Where all reactions are balanced, thought-out, even-tempered. Bollacks. (if that's how you spell it, I'm not sure I've ever used that word before, it just popped out) Sure, sure. You rail off convincing rhetoric, and actually you can even be right, but at the very crux, at the most important point, the crescendo of your argument, the final meeting place of all your well-constructed and perfected presented ideas, I'm going to pull down my pants, 'gallop away' smacking my ass, hooting and laughing uncontrollably. You can't beat that. What have you got to say now? Irrationality you will ever be my companion, my entertainer and my partner in crime. Marry me you little retard. You are and will always be, my favorite. (music swells, Pif and his inner retard kiss. As Pif makes out with himself, his inner retard pants-es him and 'gallops away' smacking his own ass, hooting and laughing uncontrollably. curtain.)

perfection.
(No wonder I'm single.)


Today's Song of the Day is "Stuck In The Middle With You" by Stealers Wheel off their 1973 Album "Stealers Wheel."

Crazy Fact: The classy sleeve for there debut album 'Stealers Wheel,' was painted by Scottish playwright John "Patrick" Byrne.

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Don't Go Away Sad Just Go Away.

Ok here's part two of the Shangri-Las marathon. It's awesome, heart-breaking and brain bustingly sad. Check this one out for sure. Sad is an understatement. There's some kind of a 'Moonlight Sonata' thing going on underneath this it KICKS ASS. I wish I was a morose teenage girl in the 60s this makes me long of the days. I'm not sure if this is the recounted of a rape victim or just a heart-broken teenagers. You decide. I'm not sure how I feel about it either way but I know what I know and that's that if I was a heartbroken teenager I'd find a sad comfort in this kind of over production.


Today's Song of the Day is "Past, Present And Future" by The Shangri Las released as a single in 1965.

Crazy Fact: Mary Anne Ganser died of encephalitis in 1971. Which is a virial infection. I think she sold her soul to the devil. Just like Johnny Blaze.

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Back When Goth Was Just Suicidal Teenagers.

I'm totally losing it for this band. I think the sold there souls to the devil to make it big producing proto-goth rock. There producers name was shadow morton for christ-sake. I'm sending them out tomarrow too.

How the HELL can people blame 'kids today' or 'music today' for anything. Johnny Cash was singing about snorting cocaine and shooting down his woman because 'she had another daddy' before Eminem was even born. Teenagers have been forever infatuated with death, just listen to this song and there's more, the gloomy like 'Dressed in Black' strikes a cord as well.

So if you meet some old-timer who was into the Shangri-Las when they were a teenager you know if they were a teenager now they would be pierced, tatooed and clad in black.

Today's Song of the Day is "Leader Of The Pack " by The Shangri-Las released as a single in 1964. I got it off the 1994 collection "Myrmidons of Melodrama ."

Crazy Fact: It has long been suggested that the pianist on the track is a young Billy Joel.

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The Horror, The Horro... Actually on Second Thought.

Ah, the student loan has finally come home to ol' papa pif. I'm wagering it on my future happiness. And my future happiness on it. Lets roll them bones on a Unversity Education. Do I still have to pay it back if I lose. double-loser.


Today's Song of the Day is "Money for Nothing" by Dire Straits off their 1985 album "Brothers in Arms."

Crazy fact: Following a tour opening for Talking Heads, the band began recording their debut for Vertigo Records with producer Muff Winwood in early 1978. Muff! Muff Winwood is a terrible name and Stevie Winwoods brother.

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Zeno Doesn't Know How to Play with Others.

I think this society of ours supports and rewards the extravert, I know my good friend A.P. would agree (happy birthday, beautiful) but this leads to a little bit of a conundrum in my eyes. People-people are interested in communicating, maintaining friendships and going out with those friends, sitting at home alone makes them restless and cranky, they are at peace with a life in flux. Introverted people are more relaxed at home, have a deeper interest self-reflection and alone time, without it, they get cranky. Now it requires a degree of reflection to think about other people and what your doing to them and how you make them feel, how they feel.

I think I might be blowing it.

The very dead, Plato thought that the best life was one spent in contemplation, those greeks are crazy different. They must really know how they feel, how what they do affects other people, just brimming with self-knowledge, deep worldly observations about there sofa, their bowl of fruit and they would know exactly what to do if they ever left there house, but whenever they leave the house they are too cranky to talk. And then you have the extravert gossiping and telling everybody they know everything in their mostly thoughtless head in a haze of self-interest, totally unaware of there effect on the world. If it's not surrounded by bright colours, explosions or a big crowd, they would never notice.

How the hell do we survive?

I know. You know what Zeno? Dichotomies are BULLSHIT. You suck and I just talked myself into a hole again. I had something to say but I dropped it in this very dark hole and I'm afraid of spiders, so forget it.


Today's Song of the Day is "Surrey with the Fringe on Top " Composed by Richard Rogers & Oscar Hammerstein II Performed here by Blossom Dearie off her 1958 Album "Once Upon a Summertime."

Crazy Fact: Actually born with the name Blossom Dearie in the New York Catskills.

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Luke Jaywalker.

I was waiting at a corner talking to a Mike, there were two people waiting at the corner to cross the street. An unhealthy looking guy in his forties and another guy who looked to be in his seventies. The light turned green and both of them started across the street. Since it's Quinpool Road the light switches from a walk light to flashing hand almost instantly. A cop car trying to make a left turn starts to turn and then seeing the pedistrans slows, a cop put her head out of the window. 'What are you blind?! It's a red light! What are you doing! Get off the road!' This old man looks up gets confused, backs away and goes back to his corner. The other guy looks at the flashing hand a points to it and start to complain.
'but..."
'GET OFF THE ROAD!'
He mutters to himself and returns to the corner, she speeds away.

Yelling at old men who are slow to get across the street. Is this securing the streets of the city? The snotty attitude and the quickness to anger... it pissed me off. Not to mention it wasn't red or why the hell was she making a left turn against a red red. and furthmore if in that socially retarded brain of hers she meant to say it was a flashing hand, then she should go back and read the laws on right of way.

I think I might actually lodge a complaint. Oh my god, I AM old. "That police officer was SOO RUDE! Goodness Gracious me.'


Today's Song of the Day is "TV Cops" by The Goats off their 1992 album 'Tricks Of The Shade.'

Crazy Fact: The are from Philly... like the Roots. yeah, I got nothin.

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White Bread Brain.

As I stirred gravy, Sonia cooked Thankgiving Dinner for twelve and I realized that cooking is just like Calculus. I watch her infused carrots with ginger and orange zest. I watch, ask questions and drink wine. She demonstrates how to simply and skillfully cook a Turkey. I watch, talk, drink wine and fill the diswasher, perfectly understanding every motion, every ingedient. Same for stuffing, casaroles, home-made pasta, sauces of all kinds, you name it.

I go home and days later get hungry and say to myself 'HEY I can cook now Sonia showed me.' I go into the kitchen open the fridge, stand and stare. Motionless, thoughtless, paralyzed and a little worried. It's like when I go to do my Calculus homework. I Open the text book copy down a problem sit and stare. Motionless, thoughtless, paralyzed and a little worried. I understood everything in class, when some else is doing it it makes SOO much sense, just like cooking.

Cooking like Calculus is a cruel mistress.


Today's Song of the Day is "Hungry Like The Wolf" by Duran Duran off their 1982 Album "Rio."

Crazy Fact: Duran Duran tooking their name from a character in Roger Vadim's psychedelic sci-fi film Barbarella, BECAUSE the group began playing gigs in the Birmingham club CALLED Barbarella.

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Michael J. Fox MEANS Something To ME.

They have been having that Damn poster sale at Dal forever. Imaginus, I think it's called. When I first went to dal I was amazed. I felt like I could actually own piece of something that was important to me. The world was new the possibilities were opening up in front of me. I could own important pieces of beauty. wow. Van Gogh tortured and fascinating, Turner moody and full of LIGHT. So many COOL posters of movies I love, music that speaks to me, cultural icons that really meant something to me. All Clearly symbols that clearly represented how I feel, who I wanted to become and reminding of who I should follow. It was Half-way to a Tattoo. Some image that I must keep, an important reminder, a totem.

Now I'm back 15 years later and only one word comes to mind. Juvenile. The question did I change or did it. Probably me. Oh look Bob Marley smoking a GIANT Joint, oh no there he is smoking and even BIGGER gagger. wow. I don't belong here. Pulp Fiction, Scarface, Fight Club, Linkin' Park, Christina Aguilara. where is the exit! Giant peace symbols, Escher posters, John Lennon with Tupac (what? do they really belong on the same poster?) How the HELL do I get out of here! I'm trapped in this maze surrounded by children pointing and screaming 'Cool.' and 'It's so true.' and 'look at the size of that GAGGER!" 'Oh I L O V E it.' I'm starting to freak-out. There's kids with a poster of Martin Luther King with John Lennon with the slogan 'we will remember' in one hand and a poster of Smith and Wesson hand guns in the other... another kid with a picture of the General Lee under one arm and Britney Spears kissing Madonna in the other buying a poster of Tupac.

I feel like going postal. I force my way through the crowd, desperate to escape the maze and come face to face with a U2 Joshua Tree poster. I stop dead in my tracks and stare.

I want it.

I am such a hippocrate. But I'm such a sucker for that album. such a sucker. After all the wraith and judgment I've been dealing to this rabid poster craving crowd I.. I don't even know what to say. I'm humbled. I decide it best to leave. Posters are SO LAME I remind myself. I weave my way through the crowd with my head down as not to see anymore images to disturb the clear waters of my judgment. At the door, I'm stopped dead in my tracks. Blind-sided by a Ghostbusters poster. ouch. It even glows in the Dark. double ouch. It's brilliant.

I want it.

RUN Boy RUN! The EGO is gonna self-destruct! RUN to the HILLS. I think I left a path of flaming tire tracks behind me.


Today's Song of the Day is "With Or Without You" by U2 off some album I never heard of from 1987.

Crazy fact: some people actually like these guys, whatever. pffft.

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Star Wars is God.

I like. I like a lot. I remember seeing it in the theatre even though I was only five. What a great age for that to happen. That was my first experience of Sci-fi and it was a revelation. But since, George Lucas has proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that he has NO SOUL. He should have been hit by a bus after Empire or more precisely, just before he invented the EWOK. Grrr. But that I could forgive. Worse still is the remastered retitled original series. Since he 'touched-up' the original series, the series special effects now look dated twice. Once from the 70s stuff, and now the new stuff looks 'so last year.' How disappointing.

Not to mention that Guido fires first.

NO
NO
NO!

Han is a BADASS. Not a 'good guy', Luke is the good guy. Han is the mercenary and unknown to EVEN HIM his has a heart of gold. A man changed of his old drinkin' days, by the love of a good woman, just like Johnny Cash. He's supposed to be a FUCKING CRIMINAL. No honour among thieves in all that. It Bites. It actually offends me.

I want to write my senator about it. ISN'T SOMEONE going to stop that BASTARD Lucas from SHITTING All over his universe. (Let's not talk about jar-jar we need not go there.) I really REALLY feel like he should be arrested or stopped. Legal Action should be taken, it's TOO important to me. STOP THE SOULESS LUCAS FROM SHITTING ON MY CHILDHOOD.

'Won't somebody think of the CHILDREN!'


Today's Song of the Day is 'Come As You Are' by Nirvana off their 1991 Album 'Nevermind.'

Crazy Fact: Nevermind bumped Michael Jackson's comeback album Dangerous off the top of the album charts in 1992.

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The Universe Has Pointy Pants.

A girl sitting a few tables over in the Grad House talks to another, gesturing with her left hand over some notes.

'Oh My GOD!'
'yeah, I know.'
'Did you suspect?
'no, well, a little.'
'oh my god it's a beutiful ring... Oh, I'm going to cry.'

Maybe sensitivities change, maybe it's the age I am, maybe the universe is conscious (though it's more likely projection, a projection of your consciousness upon the universe, we're merely seeing it's reflection in daliy events, actions and reactions) anyway, however it's manifest, the Finger of the Universe is Pointing Squarely at Marriage. I look at this finger and defiently shrug "What?!" Gimmee a who. THEN I'll think about you, mister pointy-pants. Until then I'm giving you a finger of my own.


Today's Song of the Day is "For No One" by The Beatles off their 1966 album "Revolver."

Crazy Fact: Rumour has it the original drummer, Pete Best, was kicked out of the group, because he refused to wear his hair in bangs. That fashion statement cost him, alright. Hey Petey! Still looking for the time machine on that one, maybe there's an undo button somewhere. Keep looking buddy boy. ouch.

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Though this HAS to be a joke. It's not.

What the HELL is this planet smoking?

I'm speechless.

I was thinking about shaving but I think I've changed my mind. I should go whole hog.


Today's Song of the Day is "Birds and Ships" by Billy Bragg and Wilco (and Natalie Merchant) off the 1998 Album "Mermaid Avenue."

Crazy Fact: In 1995, Woody Guthrie's daughter Nora contacted British urban folk troubadour Billy Bragg about writing music for a selection of completed Guthrie lyrics written between 1939 and 1967 that had no music other than a vague stylistic notation. add a dash of Wilco and you get this album. nutso (This song had been stuck in my head for over a week. Must Exorsise the DEMON.)

Your Birthday. (MY BIRTHDAY!)

Suzanne, I think it sucks that everybody missed your birthday. (MY BIRTHDAY IS ON DECEMBER 5TH!) I feel like shit about it. (MY BIRTHDAY IS TWO MONTHS FROM NOW.) I'll do something to make it up to you, I promise. (I'll BE 32!!) I find it helps if sometimes you use subtle hints to help jog people's memories. (ME ME ME ME ME!) Like maybe you ask somebody when their birthday is and let it become a topic of conversation. (EVERYBODY! BUY ME PRESENTS AND BOOZE) Or ask for advice, like, talk about how unprepared you are for another trip around the sun. (REMEMBER: December FIFTH!) They'll take the hint. (I WAS BORN ON DECEMBER 5TH, 1972!) People are pretty self invovled, but if you give them a little reminder they'll show you their true colours. (DON'T FORGET MY BIRTHDAY!)


Today's Song of the Day is "Suzanne" by Leonard Cohen off his 1968 Album "Songs of Leonard Cohen."

Crazy Fact: He's OLD. no that's not crazy... He's Canadian, yeah that's tired... I'm tired. ok ok... His father died when Cohen was only nine years old. That bites.

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My Brain is Hot and Itchy.

Everybody is so OLD in the 'real world' on this crazy alternate universe I spend all my time around people who are so young, that it has become the norm and the people 'my age' are now seeming freakishly old to me. The metamorphisis has begun. dude. Over years of weathering I happily became some very relaxed and loosely bonded sedimentary rock. Now those condidtions have changed DRASTICALLY. I'm buried in youngins, landslides of homework and under this extreme pressure I'm changing. I'm changing into metamorphic rock. I haven't learned about that yet. I don't know what that is. My Spidey Sense is tingling. I fear change.


Today's Song of the Day is "Rock On" by David Essex off his 1974 Album "Rock On."

Crazy Fact: In the 1990s Essex spend two and a half years in Africa for the Voluntary Service Overseas organization.

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College Boy.

I learned about Black Matter in Calculus Class and then go to the Shoe to meet Mike for a drink. We yack about 'the ring.' When you morgage your life away for 7 months to buy a rare mineral attached to a little metal loop you talk about it a lot. I tell him the the diamond he has not yet purchased is already turning to graphite, because the conditions under which it was created are so drastically different then the conditions under which it now sits. He didn't like that,

"Shut up college boy."

Then, I told him all about Black Matter and it's relationship to the expansion and eventual collapse of the universe.

"Shut up college boy."

He's right. I am a college boy. It's happening. It's all happening.


Today's Song of the Day is "Ring Of Fire" by Johnny Cash off his 1963 album "Ring of Fire/The Best of Johnny Cash."

Crazy Fact: This song was written by his wife, June Carter-Cash, cool.

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The Equation of the Universe.

Thank you Dawn M., for having a birthday, leaving the house and being in my presence, so you could be the ONLY person who thinks it's cool that I learned something about Einstein's General Relativity, more importantly, what I've named, the equation of the universe. (If you plug in the density and distance of the pieces of the universe it will draw you a curve indicating the expansion and collapse of the universe over time.) The coolest component of this equation is K. K is an unknown (probably a constant) which is equal to the amount of Black Matter in the universe. When Ozzy (my math prof who sounds just like Ozzy Osborne) said that, well he might as well have said 'Beam me up Scotty' and transported himself to the Starship Enterprise.

This is loco hyper-crazy science fiction. Klingons might as well've burst into the room and disintegrated my bookbag. "BLACK MATTER" the words echoed in my head large empty head and I felt like intellectually I just got hit in the head with a frying pan. Where am I? It was as if, my robot companion turned to me and said that earlier that day he was talking to Wendy, the galactic space amoeba. I just learned some Cosmology and General Relativity. And I understood it. It's just a differential equation. WOW. That's is the coolest thing I have ever learned. WOW. A sentence indicating it's coolness must be punctuated on both sides with the word "WOW."

Anyway, no one else cared. So I'm telling everybody I know in the bar, but no one finds it even a little interesting (except Dawn.) So many beerses later I pay the bill and turn to help physically drag Dawn to the next bar. (work pffft. lousy reason to stop drinking) and some dude stops me:

'Hey. Hey, it's been a while but...' he opens his pack of cigarettes. What the hell? I'm rushed and start thinking of things to say before he does whatever he is doing. "No I never met you', 'No I quit.' Is he getting a joint out? 'I quit that too.' What is he doing? It seemed like he was moving in slow motion. Finally, he displays the inside of the cigarette package to me in which he has written Calculus equations:

Pif: "CALCULUS?! Your showing me CALCULUS!?"

I'm sort of angered and relieved and confused and intrigued and terrified all at the same time. I just filled my blood stream with just enough booze to forget about 'The most Feared subject in the UNIVERSity' (as it was called earlier that day) and here is this 'some dude' pushing his red-pen back of a cigarette pack calculus equations in my face.

Pif: "Dude. I must talk really loud.'

"PIIIIIF help!" the girls are struggling to pull Dawn out of the bar (more importantly to the next bar) and need another body. I am that other-body. So I'm forced to pull myself away from 'some dude, secret big-ear'd guru of the cigarette-pack calculus before I can share any of these idea's or feelings with him.

It's kinda too bad.


Today's Song of the Day is "Cosmic Girl" by Jamiroquai off their 1996 album 'Travelling Without Moving.'

Crazy Fact: In 1999 Jamiroquai turned down a million-dollar offer to play at a concert on New Year's Eve.

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