Signs, Sign Everywhere There's Signs. (Part One)

Now I'm not genius when it comes to most things, and I'm certain no genius when it comes to the apocalypse, but I think it's coming and I think it's starting in my apartment.

First of all, the milk was curdled, like seriously curdled. All lumpy and awful, bloppy, thick and gross. I forget about shit all the time, so it probably past due. I look at the due date, August 02. That's not right. That's over a week away. Apocalypse.

Second I'm on the couch with the laptop, obsessing on Flickr and "why Why WHY!?" When I look down and there is a Fly on my toe. Like a regular fly. Eww. I should've killed it, as they are so clearly the natural enemy of all mammals, but as usual I didn't have the heart. I shook my foot and the little fucker just held on. double EWW! So I brushed it off and retreated down stairs to the desktop system for further means to obsess and there is another one just sitting on my keyboard looking at me. I figure it's my chance to redeem myself, to turn from cowardice and smite, with furious anger, an agent of the enemy of all good creatures in the world. I make lame attempt with a wad of paper and losing heart and the last minute, I spazz and flub it away harshly. It didn't die nor did it fly away. eww. What's wrong with these FLIES? Apocalypse.

I freak out.

Pif: FLY FLY! Go and FLY! That's what your FUCKING called, Do it! Fly AWAY! git!

It crawls around my monitor. It's begging to be killed. Grrr. Now I feel like we've shared a moment, it's impossible to kill it. I get so attached so easily. It starts walking towards me again. With My instinctual Mammalian disgust clearly at the controls and blow at it. It clings to the porous phone book with all six of it's gross little hooked feet, then crouches and hunkers down to weather the blast. It's wings twitch and shake in the wind.

Pif: How DARE you!

I'm outraged. I breath deep and spew forth such an intense and vengeful blast of righteous ruination on my foe (this agent of the deepest and ultimate foe of ALL Good Creatures of this earth), that it surely sits on par with all Old-testament-flood-slash-plague-slash-pillar-of-fire-type Divine wraith. Its' gross little hooked feet dig deep into the phone book. At first it holds strong like a fisherman against a raging sea, crouching and willful. Only at the last of my breath does it weaken and be forced up and back. I pause, defeated, out of breath. Victorious, it pauses, stands up straight and looks at me, innocently.

Pif: ...fucker...

I try to ignore it and check my mail. If ever there was a fly that deserved a smack down, that's the one. I can't. I'm a pansy. I'm feeling oddly compassionate for it. I'm conflicted. It's unholy visage disgusts me to me shivering core, and yet in it's behaivor I see something familiar, endearing even cute. It's little wings all shakey and it holds on, like Fivers' floppy ears when he running after me with his ball in his mouth.

I pause, shake my head and drop my head into my hands.

Pif: Oh dude, I got issues.

She'll be back soon. She will. Flies are NOT cuddle buddies, they are the very opposite. Get yourself TOGETHER, man! Even when they look at you with those big dark bumpy eyes, innocence gleeming in every facet, shining forth from that pure heart. So delicate...

Pif: AAAAAA!


(to be Continued...)


Today's Song of the Day is "Can't Help Falling In Love" by Elvis Presley off his 1961 album "Blue Hawaii."

Crazt Fact: After graduating from high school, Elvis became a truck driver.

njoy