Pirates!

What G.D. Century is it? There are Honest to Jesus Pirates sailing the seas off Somalia. If that isn't absurd enough they captured a shipment of 33 Russian T-72 tanks. But just to prove that this is "just not happening" I read this quote:

"A spokesman for the pirates said the shootout report was false."

Since when do PIRATES (think "ARRRG! me Maties!" with me for a moment) have a spokesperson. Do they have a Lawyer on retainer too?

Ok its the 21rst Century and we have Pirates.

nope. doesn't fit. I'm picturing aliens and moonbases and rocket cars and I'm getting Pirates with Spokepeople saying non-pirate things like "no one was hurt" and "We were celebrating Eid"  (If you don't know what Eid is just think Muslim Christmas...)

What the HELL! These guys are not living up to my Scourge of the Sea ideal one bit.

They are breaking my little pirate heart.

Today's Song of the Day is "A Criminal Mind" by Gowan off his 1985 self-title debut album "Strange Animal".

Crazy Fact: Lawrence Gowan is presently the Lead Singer of Styx. And yes, Styx plays "A Criminal Mind" in concert now. No Freakin' Lie.

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The U.S.S.A... almost.

The US is going commie! The governments buying the banks! Oh wait no there just giving them money 700 billion at a time. And getting nothing but bad debt in return. It's the smart move. Riiiight...

That's what I was gonna write... but the bill got defeated again today.

Supposedly we are all supposed to panic and scream the sky is falling. I can't help but rejoice, it's in me and it just has to come out. YAAAAAY! No tax payer likes this idea one fucking bit. I'm not even an American and the idea makes me ill. On a gut level this shit is wrong. I say screw 'em!

I've read 2 awesome things as a result of this 'crisis'. First of all republican are voting it down because "it's an election year and I don't want to lose my job." FUCK! It should be an election year every year and we would ACTUALLY live in a democracy. I forget the other.

Remember these rich bastards are screwing themselves. The stock market is dropping because people are selling.

Am I selling? No.

Are you selling? No.

Why? Cause we have no fucking STOCK! All those greedy rich bastards are selling each others shit like it's on 8 track tape, pulling each other into the toilet (where the rest of us live) and I'm supposed to cry about it. Hey collectively crying Rich guy STOP SELLING! Oh wait your all selfish rich bastards who only look out for only yourself, right right. That's how you got so damn rich in the first place, right right. You'll drive that profit motive mobile right into the fucking sewer.

Why not take the 700 Billion dollars and buy some houses, then people don't default and banks get flush with cash. Seriously, at 200,000 per house that's 3 MILLION 5 HUNDRED THOUSAND HOUSES. FUCK!

We the people, play the lottery. We the people, would fucking LOVE that kinda bill. Make a list of every morgage that has 200,000 or less left on it. Pick out 3.5 million of them and pay them off. BOOM! Done. If there is on average 4 people living in each house thats at least 14 million very happy Americans. Banks have money to lend, People have money freed up to spend. HORAAAY! Happy economy. Call it the 'trickle up effect.'

I guess the US "We the People" Government doesn't see it "line up with their interests". No surprise.

Today's Song of the Day is "This Land is Your Land" by Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings off their 2005 Album "Naturally."

Crazy Fact: Sharon Jones worked as a corrections officer at New York's Rykers Island.

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Fast and Cool Hands

Paul Newman died of lung cancer today at 83.

You don't have to be gay to see that Paul Newman was one hell of a handsome man. Even when he got old he was still a looker. How awesome can a guy be? Hated Hollywood bullshit, never cheated (once said "Why go out for a hamburger when you can stay home and have steak"). Stood up for his beliefs against the Veitnam war. Created multi-million dollar charities. Why can't there be a few more of these guys sprinkled around?

Well Fast Eddie, we are glad you stopped by. You were one of the good one for sure. If you're looking for a movie tonight try out one of these three (I'll pick only three):

"The Verdict" (1982)
Number two courtroom drama of all time to be sure. A broken failure clings to his last chance at redemption through a storm of alcohol and loathing. Slowly paced, understated and solid. Sidney Lumet directs. James Mason is perfect.

"Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" (1958)
Script by Tennesse Williams. Elizabeth taylor is SMOKING HOT is an understatement. Either one of those reasons should be enough.

"Cool Hand Luke." (1967)
Prison film. Probably the best of all his films. Famous quote from this movie: "What we have here is a failure to communicate." If you haven't seen this see it... will not disappoint.

Today's Song of the Day is "Moving Pictures Silent Films" by the Great Lake Swimmers off their 2003 album "Great Lake Swimmers."

Crazy Fact: Regarding his spot on Richard Nixon's enemies list, Paul Newman said it is "the highest single honor I've ever received." Awesome.

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When old sucks

I bought Weird Science. I'm scared to watch it. My brother and I *loved* it when we were barely teenagers. But so many question now that I'm old and it's old. Is Kelly Lebrock still hot? probably. Is she a good actor? doubtful. Does the script eat ass? That is SOOoo likely I think I'm scared to watch it.

I put on the credits and turned it off. It is -- So -- Very -- 80s. I remember being a kid, looking at the seventies, thinking that it was absolutely redickyoulass that people in the seventies didn't know there clothes were horrible looking, then realizing that someday mine would look just as stupid. I remember trying to zone in on that which would be dated and having no clue... just no clue what was going to look "so 80s".

Well no that it's a million years later I figured it out. It's everything. HOLY SHIT the HAIR! I've never seen hair so big... that is so not true I've seen the movie dozens of times.

I thought it was SOOO funny when the 80s was now and I was a virgin. man. that was a long long time ago.

Oddly when I listen to music from 1985 it makes this move much more bearable. ...Jesus I'm fucking Big Chill aged. How Horrible.

Today's Song of the Day is "Life in a Northern Town" by The Dream Academy off their 1985 debut album "The Dream Academy."

Crazy Fact: This album was produced by David Gilmore (of Pink Floyd) and is in fact a elegy for Nick Drake. (Most importantly this song came out the same year as Weird Science.)

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Falling Down Funny

The funniest thing off all funny things is people falling down. Don't think so watch this and this. I'm not sure why. I think it's because it's so unexpected. You can't see it coming. They didn't even see it coming. I think many tight-assed people mistake laughing at something for agreement. I think laughing has got a couple of different sources. 

There is definitely the laughing at/ humiliation to maintain pecking order kind. I think shock gets a lot of laughs. I've also laughed in a giggling sort of way when I'm learning something really fucking cool. Then there is the "That would be so embarrassing, if that were me I might just die" Office humour. And of course the highest form of humour all things Poo. I know Henri Bergson has a theory as does Freud, but lets face it they are both old dead douchebags and about as funny.

But, the fact that a close second to humans falling down is cats falling down, blows most of my theorizing out of the water. I think the reigning champ of funny has got to be Shock. But Actually cats doing all kind of stupid shit is kind of uber-funny. These almost make we want a cat again.

Today's Song of the Day is "Ev'rybody Want To Be A Cat" by Phil Harris & Scatman Crothers" off the 1970 soundtrack "The Aristocats"

Crazy Fact: Scatman Crothers was good friends with Jack Nicholson appearing in four movies together including his personal favourite "The Shining" as Dick Hallorann.

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Comic Book Pirates

I'm all kinds of geek and I don't mean the post 'geek chic' new geek categories like 'sports geek', that's bullshit. Sports geeks were called jocks and they both beat me up and got girl friends. no. not them. I'm the computer club, chess club, stamp collection, D&D and comic books sorta individual. Yes, I had and still have a stamp collection.

But sadly my comic book skillz have been in sharp decline over the years. Until one day about two weeks ago I was possessed with the idea of reading my old Sgt. Rock comics which are lost in my family somewhere. I turned to the internet. 

Hello bit-torrent. 

I've never really been a huge user... that... has... changed. I am digitally rebuilding my entire 70s-80s comic collection like a man possessed, Ghost Rider, Sgt. Rock, Weird War, ROM, Groo, Micronaughts... It's awesome. Try it!

Along the way I've discovered a few things about myself. First of all, that little girl-friendless pif geek had some pretty good taste in comics. Second, I'm not a fan of Superhero comics. I always thought I was, but nope I love horror comics. Little Creepy stories. Like the Teddy Bear Killer above. Third, I love the Philippino artists style, specifically Nestor Redondo  Weird. Fourth, totally prefer Black & White. I think colour, for the most part, takes more away then it adds. 

I don't feel bad stealing them cuz they're all out of print. But on the whole I have very little guilt when it comes to piracy, like all good people of this earth.

Today's Song of the Day is "Shoplifters Of The World Unite" by The Smiths off their 1987 compilation "Louder than Bombs."

Crazy Fact: Drummer Mike Joyce and bassist Andy Rourke sued Morrissey and Johnny Marr in 1991, claiming they received only ten percent of the group's earnings while the songwriters received 40 percent. Rourke eventually settled out of court, but Joyce won his case in late 1996.

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Poo

My Top 5 Names for Taking a Dump:

5. Bowel Movement ---tied with--- Defecate. 

There both just so clinical, it cracks me up.

4. Drop the Kids off at the Pool. 

It's old but it still gets me. It's starts with 'Drop' which resonates with me cuz of the fear of uriney back splash (gross) AND the old public toilet noise PLOP! Which so shockingly breaks the silence in those echo chambers of embarrassment. The kids metaphor is great, my little creations (the little smelly monsters that they are). And finally the fact that it's something I gotta worry about before I do and then not worry about after it's done (cuz there in gods hands now) is awesome.

3. Pinch off a Loaf

My old favourite. You got that steamy hot loaf of freshly cooked bread feel to it which rocks and the messy unsatisfying pinch thing - HAHAHA - It still makes me laugh! (sigh)

2. Move Brown

It's just so gross and awesome. You got reference to the terrible 'shit brown' colour which is unique among these five. the Move goes back to bowel movement which gives me twice the impact. And it's new. horray!

1. Make a Splash

The number one spot goes to this beauty cuz it makes you feel like it's something you should announce to the world. An accomplishment. Something to be proud of which is in stark defiance of the age-old social rules of shitting.

Today's Song of the Day is "I Shall Be Released" by Bob Dylan originally from the 1967 bootleg recordings known as "The Basement Tapes" but later released in 1971 on Bob Dylan Greatest Hits, Vol. 2.

Crazy Fact: Dylan spent the summer of 1960 in Denver, where he met bluesman the inspiration behind his signature harmonica rack and guitar.

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Oh child of the 70s you were a lucky brat...

When I think back fondly back to Seaseme Street I remember Pointer Sisters & Herbie Hancock and a loaf a of bread or and the ladybug's picnic and I think shit, I was a lucky seventies kid. Now I haven't watched SS in like 25 years, but I've heard sad stories about that happy little.

They killed off the cookie monster. 

No lie. ok kind of lie.

The cookie monster doesn't eat cookies anymore cuz they don't want to make kids fat.

Kids have liked cookies for as long as there have been cookies. It's not the fucking puppets fault. They made him that way. Give the poor bastard back his cookies, if not for his sake then for the sake of my childhood, you fuckers!

I DONT EVEN WANT TO KNOW what they've done to Oscar the Grouch, if he doesn't live in a garbage can anymore... I'll... fucking LOSE it.

This bites.

Today's Song of the Day is "Sweet Home Chicago" by Taj Mahal & the Pointer Sisters off the 1972 Album Recycling the Blues & Other Related Stuff.

Crazy Fact: In 2005, "Pinball Number Count" was re-edited for Coldcut's Ninja Tune label and remixed by Venetian Snares of the Planet Mu record label.

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It's been a long time.

I'm going to pretend like I never stopped if that ok with y'all.

The scariest thing I've come across for a long time on the internet is this. Did you follow the link? Do it. Confused? If you zoomed out you might notice that a lot of information about Georgia, the country, is missing. Two weeks ago it was totally blank. I assume the some government body requests to be removed and that is that.

Why scary? Well, Google *is* the internet. If you can't Google it, you can't find it. So does it exist? What else is Google leaving blank. What kind of censorship is that? I'm not sure it has a name. 'Lost in Cyberspace' is what my dated Information Retrieval textbook calls it. Which is a special brand of 1999 kind of fucking lame.

I just stare at the blank empty Georgia with roads going into it's borders from all sides just disappearing. Poof! It makes my heart sink. How crazy would you feel if you went to the library and every atlas had blanked out Georgia, Iraq, Jordan... just like that. I would feel like I was in a "paranoid future b-movie".

Like Logan's Run, minus the sweet seventies garb, I can just see myself sweaty, shifty-eyed, from library to library, looking for an end to the madness. Then barely clutching on to a weakening sanity, I break and scream "Don't you SEE!" "CAN'T you SEE!"

I just wanted to know where South freakin' Ossetia was and now, instead, thanks to Google I've been driven mad. Thanks Google. Jerk.

Today's Song of the Day is "Great Gig in the Sky" by Pink Floyd off their 1972 album Dark Side of the Moon.

Crazy Fact: Richard Wright of Pink Floyd died from cancer today at the age of 65. He wrote this song.

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