Monday, December 22, 2008

Villian thy name is Meatloaf.

When I was a kid my cousin Chris had Meatloaf's "Bat Out of Hell". I looked at the cover and was sure it was the sounds of hell itself. I was sure I could never withstand whatever this diabolical "Meatloaf" clearly the spawn of hell, hath wraught upon the world. As sure as Saturday morning cartoons there would be no way my innocent ears to bear hearing these sounds of ruination, this music of the damned, it would change me for the worse, fovever. One look at that cover was all the proof I needed.

I was so right and so wrong.

Many many years later I heard those horrible, curs├ęd sounds, I was shocked. That COVER! THAT cover... is for THAT music.... no... it can't be. IT CAN'T BE!

I was right it was the worst music I'd ever heard, and I was right it was ruination, it was the ruination of the human race. I expected Cannibal Corpse and got the Four Seasons. It was impossible. I was scared of the g.d four fucking seasons, my whole life. but "bitch tits" had "Two outta three ain't bad" and "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" on here... not "Creeping Death"... not "Leper Messaih"... not even "Crazy Train"... but some of the worst music ever EVER written:

"The horror... The horror." It's fucking fucking fucking horrible. That fact that people listen to this at all breaks my heart. It causes my natural respect for the human race to dip below a requiste level to believe we are worth saving at all. Bath us in flame oh antichrist, start again, do over. So I was right it is from hell, I was right to be afraid of it. I betcha the devil is utterly un-cool. That's his last laugh. He is a whiney powerless fucking geek.

The fact that what I believed to be the "hardest" rock album cover of all time was really just two pieces of whitest crustless whitebread, the bookends of utter spiritual and emotional poverty, the empty, tastelessness husks, the outward component of an aesthetic equivalent of a ketchup sandwich. I  haven't judged a book by it's cover since. Oh 'tis a lesson I will neary forget. T'was the bitterest of teachers.

Turn, Hellhound, Turn, BACK to the fires which spawn'd thee!

Today's Song of the Day is "Down To The River To Pray" performed by Alison Krauss from the soundtrack from 2000 film "O Brother, Where Art Thou?"

Crazy Fact: In 1983, when she was 12 years old, she won the Illinois State Fiddle Championship and the Society for the Preservation of Bluegrass in America named her the Most Promising Fiddler in the Midwest.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Yeah, hey I love that tune. 2 out of 3 aint bad, baby. Classic.