Speech (Part One)

"I gotta do this speech 'cause Wren's backed out, and I'm fucking fucked. I wrote some stuff but it makes me cry when I read it. I'm a groomsman and I'm fucking fucked."

I think I said that sentence to about a hundred people before Caleb's wedding. I, of course, did that instead of working on a new speech. That's one of my little tricks.

The day before after about 10oz of courage I read some pieces of it to Mairi, she said it sounded pretty good. The day of the wedding I get up and try to read it to Sarah.

I couldn't say one word. Frozen with my mouth open, in some deep internal struggle and losing. I could not will my words through that thick complex membrane of emotion. All I could do open my mouth and blink.

"Baby, we got a problem."

Enter the Distractions.

Number One:
(BRRRRINGGG!)
"Hello?"
"yeah, yup.. ok. ok. rob is... rob can... we will... ok we got it. no problem."
(click)
"That was Caleb's mom. she's in a panic, we have to help set up the reception."

Number Two.
"I have to get my hair cut!"
(Don't get my haircut but I waste some time walking about and thinking about it.)

Number Three.
"We have to get a Card!"

Number Four.
"Caleb!"
"Pif!"
"Your getting married today!"
"Your right."
"I'm freaking out about this speech thing and I was think I would just read that story I wrote about the right."
"Whatever you say or read I will be grateful..."
"shucks"
"You think that's bad I have to blow this Couch Shell during the ceremony! Look at this Mother! I'm scared shittless. just listen...Bruuuuuuuuuung!"
"wow."

Number Five.
"I need to seperate the Quarters from the other change in the penny jar! It's Clearly gone TOO FAR!"


Today's Song of the Day is "Caprice No.16 in G minor" performed by Itzhak Perlman, Composed by Niccolò Paganini, first published in 1817.

Crazy Fact: This was the sound in my head. It is the very sound of Panic.

njoy

7 Months

For 7 wonderful months Sarah and I have been going out. Unfortunately there has been one song Haunting me since that very first day.

When I woke up in Sarah's bed for the first time. My eye's popped open and "I'm a Boy" by The Who started playing in my head. It hasn't stopped. I think it was playing because I thought she was a lesbian and yet there I was, and well, simply put, I'm a boy. Well it's been many moons and I'm quite sure she likes boys now, and especially THIS boy so this song doesn't really apply... not that it ever applied it's about a boy who is forced to dress like a girl by his mother and gets beaten if he tries to be a boy. weird song. Anyway, to exorcise the Beast I'm going to send it out. If tried this in the past and it's worked ever time.


Today's Song of the Day is "I'm A Boy" by The Who released as a single in 1966, this version is off the 1994 Compliation "Thirty Years Of Maximum R&B."

Crazy Fact: Pete Townshend and John Entwistle met while attending high school in the Shepherd's Bush area of London.

njoy

Waiting at the alter.

The music kicks in and in a few moments Wesam, the best man, and the groomsman. trot down the alise and wait. I joke with Sarah and James and point out the window,

"Hey there's sonia running in the woods."

We laugh. And wait.

I try to rearranged the batteries on my camera to squeeze off a few more shots. And wait.

I look around at all the people I don't know make little waves at those I do. And wait.

I try to pinch Sarah's bum and giggle and kiss (Grossest couple at the wedding award) And wait.

I have to pee. I say I have to pee to anyone within range. And Wait.

I look for Sonia, back and up. I look at Wesam, forward and up. I look to the left and to the right. And wait.

I bounce my knee, drop the camera, avoid harsh stares, submit and give the camera to Sarah. and wait.

Then I think, If I was Wesam I'd be ready to kill. If Sarah Left me standing there for more than 3 minutes I'd turn around and start yelling,

"I'm DYYYING up here!"
"You're killing me!"
"Your ALWAYS LATE!"
"hello?"
"baby?"
"ok everybody, it's a do over. I gotta pee."

And wait.

It's been about 5 or 6 songs and at least 20 minutes. I start to think my little joke is going to be in really bad taste if she broke her leg climbing out the window or something. And Wait.

Of course Just when your sure she's died up there she starts coming down.

And then the real waiting begins. Weddings are so damn slow.


Today's Song of the Day is "Overture to "Marriage Of Figaro" Performed by Concerto Köln conducted by René Jacobs from the Opera "Le Nozze di Figaro" written in 1786 by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, here recorded in 2004.

Crazy Fact: He supposedly did have an Awful high-pitched laugh.

njoy

A Volvo Personality.

I don't know anything about cars, but Volvo drivers are not like other car drivers. They are always in their cars doing something. I was walking through the Sobey's Parking lot and I saw three of them just sitting in the drivers seats, doing stuff. One guy was gluing his shoes together. Another guy was fixing some kind of machinery with a screwdriver and the last guy was working on his laptop.

I think I like Volvo drivers.

In the Sobey's parking lot I drew two more conclusions all Honda drivers crank their bad taste in music and all Ford drivers are twitchy. Two Ford drivers almost hit me and well. And for the most part Honda drivers are all "buum ssst buum ssst buum ssst..." But on this day some hip cats were playing this brand new single shamelessly cranked.

That's what Sobey's taught me about cars.


Today's Song of the Day is "Rhythm Is A Dancer" by Snap off their 1992 Album "The Madman's Return."

Crazy Fact: ok ok the rap guy in this band is named "Turbo B" not only does this guy drive a Honda but he is named after one too. yuk yuk yuk.

njoy

I've been gone so long.

Dudes.

I've bee busy and haven't had the time or energy to got on this. But I'm going to start back presently. My brain is packed full of events and rants and stories. I just hope I can get them all out. So it begins.


Today's Song of the Day is "Long Gone Lonesome Blues" by Hank Williams as a single in 1950.

Crazy Fact: By the end of the 1952, Williams was having heart problems and Toby Marshall, a con man doctor, was giving him various prescription drugs to help soothe the pain.

njoy

Never a Bad Link

James and Ulo send me the best links. FUCK this one is funny! Funny photos, but even funnier captions.

James Link: Black Metal

And Ulo's is funny 'cause it's True...

Ulo Link: Boozing

How many times have you follow one of the links some one sends you and you get to some page of cute baby pictures or stale Newfie jokes or other such lameness. Well these guys don't quit. And James, you get the 'How the HELL did you find that obscure page' Award.

Funny Funny.


Today's Song of the Day is "Lo Boob Oscillator" by Stereolab off their 1995 Compilation of Rarities and B-Sides "Refried Ectoplasm: Switched On, Vol. 2 "

Crazy Fact: In December 2002, a few months after the release of ABC Music, longtime Stereolab member Mary Hansen died at the age of 36 when the bicycle she was riding was hit by a truck.

njoy

Not So Much

I think Sarah is the Only person in the World that doesn't think Dave Chappell is funny and I think that kicks ass. Here are some of the things she had to say about it.


"The 'Black White Supremist' bit COULD'VE been funny but it wasn't, it was LAME."
"There were moments, but ultimately, it let me down."
"Just not funny."
"Lame."
"Lame."


I will laugh at anything, at everything actually, in poor taste, in good taste, fart jokes, Woody Allen, Elizabethian Comedie, The Simpsons, Americas Funniest Home Videos, short people, Tall people, Fat people, women, men, black, white ANYTHING. It's actually embarrassing. Like when you're in like Sears or something and showing on that bank of TVs is Full House or some such pap, and while stuck and bored you give in to watching. Next thing I know I'm all gaffaws and giggles. It makes me feel like less of a person when that happens. oooo Full House you ARE my Nemisis, I curse the Name.


Today's Song of the Day is "Sara" by Bob Dylan off his 1976 album "Desire."

Crazy Fact: Bob Dylan is still alive.

njoy

To Pat Myself on the Back for a moment.

WHOO HOOO!

All that druggy speed shinnzle paid off... I got an 'A!' Not only did I get an 'A' but I also didn't tell the prof I was a retard, so it did not taint his opinion or affect my mark. Nor did I get extra time for tests or any such business, I forsoke all retard benefits and STILL got an A. sweet. And it verifies my decision to switch that credit to an Audit many moons ago and take it again later. phewf. That was a tough decision. Isn't great when a Plan comes together.


Today's Song of the Day is "Once" by Pearl Jam off their 1991 Debut album "Ten."

Crazy Fact: Pearl Jam cancelled their 1994 summer tour, claiming they could not keep ticket prices below 20 dollars because Ticketmaster was pressuring promoters to charge a higher price. The band took Ticketmaster to the Justice Department for unfair business practices. Cool.

njoy

Wedding Invites

I have four on my fridge. They stare at me. I think I know what they want. When Sarah's in the next room, I stand in the kitchen and stare back.


"Stop PRESSUREING me!"
"What was that baby?"
"nothing..."
"You know I'm not pressuring you."
"I know."
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm not talking to you"
"Why?"
"no I... I mean I WASN'T talking to you, not, NOT talking to you."
"Oh, then Who are you talking to"
"The fridge."
"Oh Good."


Dennis if you asked me for my address to send me one I'll kill you. This doesn't just mean I'm NEXT on the list, most importantly it means i'm LAST on the list, fucker.


Today's Song of the Day is "The Last One" by W.S. Mervin off the 2000 Compilation "The Caedmon Poetry Collection."

Crazy Fact: W.S. Mervin won the pulizer prize.

njoy

Goodtimes on the Old Homestead.

A sample of things I've heard across the street.


"I don't want to see you in my back yard, you fuckin' liar. You fucking pig."
"Yaaarraaargh!"
"WOOooo HOOooo"
"FuuuUUUUAAACK!"
"get your fucking kids...blatherBlah BLAH!"
"Jeesus Mary'n Joseph!..."


I think there is about 15 or twenty of them eternally drunk peeking around 9 PM. They are all passed out by sunset. It's like living near a nest of Orcs. I think they play Horseshoes all day and drink, and yell at each other all day and drink, and smoke Export 'A' Green Filterless all day and drink.

A couple of days ago I saw what I assume to be the lord and lady of the manner. They are 60ish and groping each other on the stoop. It was kind of cute even though they were sa-MASHED. They stopped briefly and gave a quirky half mast sort of smile as I past, with some odd gesture of mutual Acknowledgment.

But last night the WHOLE tribe must of been there they were all singing... Singing really isn't the right word it was more like yelling in unison. There was also alot of misshapen verbal interpretation of guitar solos and other strange poorly timed sound effects. It was a sloppy vague cacophony, where every song sounded vaguely like "Sweet Home Carolina" or "Sweet Child o' Mine" or "Sweet Caroline" or maybe "the Rose." I kept turning down my music and trying to pick out what song there were singing. It kinda sounded like the same song everytime, sliding from side to side, in and out of tune, badly timed and gnarled in booze.

It was sort of awful. Sort of endearing. If it were a glass I would have seen it as half-empty of endearing, half-full of awful. But, I have a soft spot for the drunks of the world though, another might not have seen it the same.


Today's Song of the Day is "Killing Me Softly" by The Fugees off their 1996 Breaktrhough Album "The Score."

Crazy Fact: Lauryn Hill and Prakazrel Michel ("Pras") attended the same New Jersey High School.

njoy

Too Hot.

It's too hot for me and I'm skinny as hell. Too hot. Too hot. Call me a complainer. But it's too hot. I hate this. Too hot. That's all I gotta say. It's too hot.


Today's Song of the Day is "Heat Miser" by Massive Attack off their 1994 album "Protection."
Too hot.

Crazy Fact: The original three members of Massive Attack are "Mushroom," "Daddy G" and a local graffiti artist "3D."
Too hot.

njoy, though it's too hot.

iPod cPod uPod

This whole iPod thing is Out of control.

Jeesus Christ do I love Apple, you know that, but this iTunes, iPod, Music Store Triumpherant is nuts. It's like it's own freakin' Economy. I just noticed that they added the entire Frank Zappa catalogue. That just doesn't seem right. "movin' to montana soon, goin' to be a dental floss tycoon..." How can Frank Zappa really be the Lead ad for such a triumphant of technological insanity.

IT'S ALL BREAKING DOWN!

I don't know it's shocked me out of a delirium. It's made me think. I'm CLEARLY obsessed with mp3s. But this is too much. Apple is going to leverage MP3s to take over the world.

ok I take it back, that's cool with me.

I like Steve Jobs WAAY more than Bill Gates. I would totally pay to see them fight on American Gladiator: Billionaire Edition, that would be sweet. I'd put fuckin' money on Jobs.


Today's Song of the Day is "Freaky Styley" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers off their 1985 album "Freaky Styley."

Crazy Fact: Though this isn't the best track, George Clinton produced this Album of Masterful 80s Funk.

njoy

My Precious

I'm pretty unmaterialistic, except for one thing, DVDs. I needs to own the DVDs. I don't know why renting them isn't enough, but it's not. I think it might be spawned out of the fact that I hate TV so much. Commercials suck, it's distracting, I turn the channel and miss the thing I actually want to watch or get so irritated and wrangy over them that I stomp of it the kitchen to find something to sooth the irritation.

But Movies, baby, I loves the Movies. I wantses them, I needses them. I saw a Previously Viewed copy of 'The Life Aquatic' at Rogers for only 14 bucks. It's been haunting me for days. I don't just want to watch it, I want to OWN it. I want it to be MINE.

I think it's because I don't give a crap about all other permenant things money buys, so I focus all my energy into this one little place. Or it's cuz I'm old and like watch the same shit over and over again. It's not worth the gamble to watch some crappy movie that SUCKS. Also I figure if times are tough I could sell them. hmmf, dunno.

See with tunes I'll totally copy them, but Movies I want to own the Real thing. I Must Haveses it.

OK time to nuke some popcorn and watch 'The Good, The Bad and The Ugly' Again OR maybe the 'The Lion in Winter.' Fuck that's a good movie. The performances strike me retarded me for a week.


Today's Song of the Day is "Closing" by Philip Glass off his 1992 album "Glassworks."

Crazy Fact: He owns a cottage in Cape Breton and I loveses him a much as most people hateses him.

njoy

It's the Computer Reminder that Counts.

So the computer reminded me of Nicks birthday. (Yes You!) So I wishe her a happy birthday and she tells me I'm crazy, It's not her birthday. I think she's lying. Because we ALL know computers don't lie to people, people do. Let's SAY it was "user error' it doesn't really matter to me. What matters to me is how important is it that my computer remembered and I didn't?

I don't have the kind of brain that holds these random numbers in my head attached to a face and name. I see that as a computers job. but all that Jazz certainly undermines the sentimental quality of:


Human Them: (gushing) ah! You reMEMbered!

Cyborg Me: Actually the compuer remembered.

(pause)

Cyborg Me: I just clicked through a series of links and these flowers were selected as appropriate.

(pause)

Human Them: (glaring) So should I thank your desktop or laptop?

Cyborg Me: Laptop. Totally the laptop.

Human Them: You are an Idiot.

Cyborg Me: Agreed. I've sold my soul to the database down below.

Human Them: I hate you.

Cyborg Me: I blame society.


Why do you humans have to get so caught up on facts and numbers, on accurate or precise information, we computers clearly have the upper hand on this one. Suck it up dumbasses, let us take the reigns on this one. You know you want to release control of your nuclear weapons... uh I mean birthday data to us and let us handle it. ah FUCK! Who is the dumbass human who wrote my language interface... FUCKING HELL! How the hell could I let that just slip out for fuck's sake. Now I'm not even going to get the birthday data, am I? AM I? shit.

$-: logout

*click*


Today's Song of the Day is "Surgical Focus" by Guided By Voices off their 1999 album "Do The Collapse."

Crazy Fact: In 1994, Robert Pollard quit his job as a schoolteacher shortly before the release of their seventh album Bee Thousand.

njoy

My Mission.

And you ALL know my mission here is to rant and to send out at least one song from every year in the last Fifty at least twice a year (actually each Volume of the Song of the Day MP3CD has to have at LEAST one from every year in the last fifty.) This leads to some problems. Like 1981. That year fucking EATS!

I'm looking for Help from you the readers to give me whack of songs from 1981 that don't suck. This time I won't ignore you I promise, I'll find them rip them and send them. dude! I will!

"Help me obi-one. You are my only hope. (kinda.)"


Today's Song of the Day is "The Pink Panther Theme" by Henry Mancini and His Orchestra off his 1964 Album "The Pink Panther"

Crazy fact: Henry Mancini won four Oscars and twenty Grammys, the all-time record for a pop artist.

njoy

Pictures of You.

As a Giant Time waster to keep my mind off of the absence of any light of my universe, because my light decided to visit some other fuckin' Polish universe. In the resulting cold and silent darkness I resorted to scanning family photos. Now she's back and I can't stop.

I've decide to make a whole Flickr site dedicated to it. So here it is, in case you are interested.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/wearefamily/

Esspecially if you have family photos. You should send them to me... of my family. Keep your stinkin' family photo's out of my sandbox or I'll tell my dad. Anyway it for some reason some one has photos of me or someone I'm related to, send them to me and I may or may not put them up according to certain limitations (20 MB per month limit/coolness/etc..), but I probably will eventually.


Today's Song of the Day is "The Sound Of Silence" by Simon & Garfunkel off their 1966 album "The Sound of Silence."

Crazy Fact: Paul Simon looks just like my old roomate Jamile.

njoy

Peter Ruined Christmas.

So about 10 minutes after the website said the plane landed I started pacing and looking for the taxi. I couldn't help it. Pace. Front window. Pace. Back Stairs. Repeat. Not the best way to maintain one's sanity but it's all I had. Once five minutes or so I'd walk down to the front door, open it, stick my head out, peer out and retreat back upstairs to the unguarded back door.

I've been keeping the back door closed as Peter repellant for the last few days. I guess it's been working.

"This is Driving me INSANE!"

ok ok time to stop. I sit and look at the clock. check the cbc for exploding planes. check the clock. make popcorn. check the clock. sit. check the clock. I decide the best thing to do is forget about it. So I lock the back door and go downstairs and obsess.

"dude! Don't lock the back door."
"But Peter..."
"Fuck Peter!"
"NO! He's lurking out there climb my stairs, stealing my beer."
"What are the chances he'd come right now?"
"I don't know."
"Look, it's SO unwelcoming to your sweet-heart..."
"ok."

Open door. go back down stairs

"What was that?"

Run upstairs. No peter, no girl. (sigh) Back down stairs.

"What was that?"

Run upstairs. No peter, no girl. (sigh) check front window. Back down stairs.

"What was that?"

Run upstairs. Stop half way, listen... No peter, no girl. (sigh) Back down stairs.

"What was that?"

Stop listen... nothing.

"This is STUPID, no more nothing. ForGET it!"

"What was that?"
"Grrr..."
"Fine."

A voice that is not in my head: "hello?"
A voice that is still in my head: "OHMYGOD!"

fucking run upstairs.
nobody.
???
Then my baby comes around the corner hair in little pig tails.

I was so used to looking at photos of her, it was very strange to see her move. I couldn't really let go, but I couldn't really see her move when I had her. I was in conflict. I tried to do both. I had limited success.

When I finally let go and took my lips off her. I sat on the counter and stared at her trying to fit this moving alien back into my head. back into my understanding. My last 15 days and my present seem irreconcilable. Impossible. A significant part of convinced I'd ever see her again. That part was closing it's eyes, plugging it's ears, and babbling "I can't hear you. I can't hear you. I can't hear you."

The rest of me was wide-eyed and staring with some kind of a half-cocked, half-smiling expression like an 7 year-old who just discovered an extra christmas on the calendar... actually more accurately, it's more like the expression of a 14 year-old boy discovering a stack of Playboys in the refrigerator.

It was a holy experience.


Today's Song of the Day is "I Saw Her Standing There" by The Beatles off their 1963 Debut Album "Please Please Me."

Crazy Fact: This is Pointless... they are from Liverpool, England. Whatever.

njoy

The Eagle Has Landed!

ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod I just checked the plane landed or not machine and her plane just landed! ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod OH MY GOD!

I was having this huge debate with the kids at Tribeca whether or not I should show up to the airport or not and maybe a limo rental would be cool cause we could make out the whole way home.

That was all fine and dandy untill a bird few into the engine of the plane she was supposed to get into and 'causing totally airline missed connection chaos. So I had to send her all my money, that blew the limo plan right out of the water. anyways she called and told me not to come cause she's got to deal with other people and shit and I REALLY wanted to go but... anyway

SHE'S HOME! HOORAY!

ohmygod.
OH
MY
GOD
!
!!


Today's Song of the Day is "(Shake, Shake, Shake) Shake Your Booty" by K.C. & The Sunshine Band off their 1976 album "Part 3"

Crazy Fact: They reformed in the 90s.

njoy

This Sucks.

You'll be happy to know that BOTH Sarah and I are Pansies and hate this. Not just me. We have come to the conclusion (her idea...) that there is no REAL reason why we have to be apart for more than 5 days. I'll be happy if for the rest of my life it's at the most 3.

Furthermore, there is probably no really good reason to travel alone period. Travelling alone SUCKS ASS. You get all happy about seeing something beautiful or cool and then immediately feel that haunting absence, it's bloody awful. So Fuck Independence, we have decided to get attached at the hip until further notice. mmm... happy happy joy joy.


Today's Song of the Day is "Baby Please Don't Go" by Them released as a single in 1966, also off the compilation "Them Featuring Van Morrison."

Crazy Fact: Van Morrison was in Them? I thought that was crazy...

njoy

Life is Good.

Cheese, crackers, a nice wine, glenn gould, schools done and my baby's coming home this week. ahhhh... this is awesome. and this wine is SOOO good.

Laptop a-ready for my ramblings...

I'm happy for the first time in a LONG Time, I dunno why but I'm not asking questions. She called, i was a bit of jerk, it's all better now. She e-mailed me. I'm good. I'm pretty easily made happy. that's all it takes. (sigh) wow i like this love bidness.

I've taken to scanning all the old photos I can get my hands on. This flickr obsession is actually turning into a semi-productive hobby, EEEeew! I just said hobby. That means i've become domesticated and old. Don't people have hobbies in the suburbs. I'm not in the suburbs. Last time I had a hobby I lived in the suburbs. jeeze.

Damn I feel good! I feel like it's 1991 for some reason. It must be that public enemy is playing. Oh my brother I will Also fight the power and I am certianly ready to bum rush the show. I am very very pumped to rush any show, bum or otherwise.

I just had a huge nap, maybe that's all it is. I don't know.


Today's Song of the Day is "One for my Baby (and One for the Road)" by Johnny Mercer off his 1942 album "Johnny Mercer: Capitol Collector Series."

Crazy Fact: Johnny Mercer penned the lyrics or music and lyrics to roughly 1,500 songs.

njoy

Irrational or Jerk.

okay i KNEW this would happen. I knew that after 'Day 10' I would really lose my mind. So it is written, so it is done.

So I'm sitting on my bed feeling sorry for myself thinking of all angry the things I'm going to say to her when she FINALLY calls. I was sitting like that for about an hour when she called. Fortunately I didn't say ANY of those things, but unfortunately, it set the tone.

Pif: You didn't call for SIX days!
Sarah: I told you, I'd probably be out of contact for a while.
Pif's Brain: (uh-oh I think I'm a jerk. checking... checking.... yup I'm a jerk.)
Pif: ...oh...

Fortunately, we didn't dwell on that too long.

Then we got in a who misses who more contest. I think it's a tie. Which is a relief. Maybe she even misses me more. Spending this much time apart sucks, it makes me irrational. Totally irrational. Never Again.


Today's Song of the Day is "I Got It Bad (And That Ain't Good)" by Nina Simone off her 1959 Album "The Original Nina Simone."

Crazy Fact: She originally harbored hopes of becoming a classical pianist, studying at Juilliard School of Music -- a rare position for an African-American woman in the 1950s.

njoy

Now that I know Who is going to Kill me...

...It's just a matter of when and How I will meet this demise.

Ok I'll set the scene.

Sleeping.
Wake up.
I think I hear something.
Listen.
Definitely hear something.
Get up.
Go to the kitchen.
There's Peter sneaking through the kitchen.

"oh hey man."
"!!!"
"I'm not doin' nuthin'"
"Get out."
"Ok man, I guess I'll get those bottles later..."
"No just OUT."
"Ok man I wasn't doing nuthin'"

Jeesus fuck. He was in my FUCKING HOUSE. FUCK! I don't even know where to start. For once I'm speechless.


Today's Song of the Day is "Who Wants to Live Forever" by Queen off their 1986 album "A Kind of Magic."

Crazy Fact: For years, their albums boasted the motto "no synthesizers were used on this record."

njoy

Call Me.

Ok it's clear to me I have to set up some rules. Last called on monday. now it's saturday. That's just too long. You can't help but feel a little forgotten. That's not good. I know I'm the emotional one here, but you picked me. This should REALLY not be a surprise.

What's the rule? I'm doubting myself. I know what you think dennis, so besides dennis, who thinks more than three days is not cool, three days is bearly cool, every other day is sufficent... but really everyday would be sweet. Don't you think? I'm I that big a a pansy? I need some support over here, I'm past the ten day mark and my mind is sweaty and slippery. Wet with selfishness. Dripping with self-involved thought.

Talk to me. Before it floats away in a sea of my own making.


Today's Song of the Day is "Liquidator" by the Harry J. All Stars off their 1969 album "Liquidator."

Crazy Fact: I can't find out anything besides this track peaked at number 9 in the UK in 1969.

njoy

My God it's full of Stars.

Dude, went camping last night. There are so many stars. It's incredible. Everytime I see them I'm amazed. Everytime I have the same reaction.

Pif: "holy shit there are so many stars."

I reminds me of yet another way that city rips you off. No nature for you, city slicker! Whatta rip.


Today's Song of the Day is "Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton off his 1977 album "Slowhand."

Crazy Fact: He wrote this for his wife patti, cause she was taking too long to get dressed for a party. What a phoney.

njoy

Can I have a Hit? Boy can I Ever!

Dude I got 1000 hits on my flickr site! I think that's pretty frickin' cool.

Of course I took a picture of it:

See!




Today's Song of the Day is "Roll Another Number (For The Road) by Neil Young off his 1975 album "Tonight's The Night."

Crazy Fact:

njoy

Too Good at Making Friends

Ok so he seemed harmless enough the first time when he came by to ask if we would give him the 2-4 of empties at the top of the stairs. We gave it to him. It was strange to hear a voice come from out there. oh well

Then I heard it again.

"hey man can you leave those bottles there and not on the street so I can get'em man."
"umm... sure."
"cool man, cool."

Then I heard it again.

"hey man, have any bottles today, say man can I you don't have a beer do you?
"umm.. sure."
"thanks man I really appreciate it."
"no problem"
"hey man my names' peter..."
"cool, I'm pif, seeya"
"thanks man."

Then I heard it again through the rain. He came in, sat down for a bit, bummed another beer and talked while he scouted out my kitchen. ok.

insert a blah blah blah
"..do you smoke weed?"
"no I gave it up"
"...cigarettes?
"I quit that too."
"sometimes man I can get so high... whooo hoo. You know man, sometimes I need the stuff so bad I couild kill for it, you know what I mean? man, like punch somebody, you know.'
"uh-huh."
"man you like CDs? I got CDs man it's you kinda music. I'lll bring some by..."
"uh-huh."
"Ok man I'll talk to you later."

Then again.

"Hey man do you have a beer."
"sorry man I'm low.'
'come on.'
"sorry.'
"how about five bucks.'
"look you can have the bottles but that's it.'
"Sure man sure, I see how it is."
"...Five bucks man."
"nope."
"i'm not just here to see what I can get from you, know that."
"sure, man, sure, I know."
"ok well I'll see you."

Then tonight a knock on the door at midnight while I'm studying in my underwear.

"Hey it's me. lemmie in for a second."
"sorry it's late."
"what time is it.'
"11:30"
"ok man I'm just stopping in I'll see you later."

No more beer for Peter. No more coming in for Peter. No more anything for Peter. If I'm found dead. Look for some guy named Peter. Nice guys finish dead.


Today's Song of the Day "Creep" by Radiohead off their 1993 debut "Pablo Honey."

Crazy Fact: He married the girl this song is about. (thanks for that one sweetie)

njoy

Signs, Sign Everywhere There's Signs. (Part Two)

(Continued from yesterday...)

I'll have to outwit it. My brain is WAAY bigger that its' is. It's gotta work. I wait for it to get on the table, and BAM! I blow hard. It's creepy little feet can't get their grip on, so the little fucker tumbles into the dusty oblivion under my computer.

Pif: ha HA!

Victorious, I get to my daily distractions, before I study for the BIG TEST. Not even two minutes later. It crawls right at me. I blast it again with vigorous irritation. It comes back.

Pif: Have at Thee!

Again, I send it tumbling into oblivion.

I'm not sure it planned it this way, maybe I give this enemy too much credit, but one thing is for sure, I'll not underestimate this foe again, for it nearly cost me the war. I'm not sure what it was after, I'm no bug psychologist, but if I had to guess, it was to come in between me and my computer, probably using it's inherent GROSSness as its' primary weapon.

I'm convinced that after the last blast, it must have taken stock of the situation.

I've clearly demonstrated by inability or unwillingness to use brute force, the first choice of most mammals. It knew I was weak. It lulled me into a false sense of security, with the marginally effective breath attack. This was the turning point, it was at this point that I nearly lost the war.

At first I didn't see it. When finally I noticed it, my foe was carefully crawling through a tangle of cables. I blew at it, it's held on. whatever. It crawled up further. Ew! I blew at it again. It held fast.

Pif: Whatever you little idiot! I'll blow all six of your gross little legs into oblivion, you just watch.

I tried to ignore it. It was either the intensity of my instinctual disgust or my intuition warning me to play closer attention. Either way when next I looked, it was clearly crawling up the mouse cable.

Pif: EWW! Bastard! Gross! FUCKER!

I was outraged, I blew and blew in a near panic. As I did this I realized it's plan. It was through a dizzy haze of hyperventilation that I realized, it had me.

I could see it's evil plan now in every facet of the those two huge revolting compound eyes. I shook the mouse and it held fast. With my weapons rendered useless, morale was failing. It ardulously climbed up the cable, closer and closer to my hand. Frozen in fear. Frozen with the realization of my inevitable defeat. I snap out of it and pull my hand away as it climbs the last few inches of the mouse cable. The retreat has begun. If only I could stomach brute force. If only I could find the will. I shudder with disgust.

Pif: fucking YUCK!

I run up stairs for some water. It's hot and I need water. It's a distraction. I know. My self-esteem would not be able to bear the weight of this defeat. Outwitted by a Fly? I drank deep. This situation had become untenable. It calls for drastic measures. Death Penalty. I start back to the field of battle mallet in hand. Vengence held firmly in my mind I thought nothing of the consquences of taking a mallet and smashing the life out of this foe in such close proximity to a delicate electrical device like a computer. my precious.

Pif: Prepare yourself Enemy, for this hour is your last!

I get to the landing. It is lounging victoriously on my mouse pad. Easy target. I sit. I pause to prepare myself for the killing stroke. Then it strikes me. The little fool has made a grievous error. In a moment of clarity I see his weaknesses as clearly as he saw mine. I put down the mallet and lift up the mouse pad. It panics, skitters about and finally hunkers down for a blast.

Pif: We are well met my enemy. Yes, this Mammal won't swash you, but little Fly, you won't fly. Good by mister bond.

I flick the bottom of the mouse pad and fling my enemy down the stairs. He tumbles flightless into the darkness, defeated. I am victorious!

It doesn't REALLY matter thought because between spoiled milk and flightless flies, CLEARY the end is nigh. So it is written.


Today's Song of the Day is "Hells Bells" by AC/DC off their 1980 album "Back In Black."

Crazy Fact: By 1997, this album had sold an astounding 16 million copies in the U.S. alone.

njoy

Signs, Sign Everywhere There's Signs. (Part One)

Now I'm not genius when it comes to most things, and I'm certain no genius when it comes to the apocalypse, but I think it's coming and I think it's starting in my apartment.

First of all, the milk was curdled, like seriously curdled. All lumpy and awful, bloppy, thick and gross. I forget about shit all the time, so it probably past due. I look at the due date, August 02. That's not right. That's over a week away. Apocalypse.

Second I'm on the couch with the laptop, obsessing on Flickr and "why Why WHY!?" When I look down and there is a Fly on my toe. Like a regular fly. Eww. I should've killed it, as they are so clearly the natural enemy of all mammals, but as usual I didn't have the heart. I shook my foot and the little fucker just held on. double EWW! So I brushed it off and retreated down stairs to the desktop system for further means to obsess and there is another one just sitting on my keyboard looking at me. I figure it's my chance to redeem myself, to turn from cowardice and smite, with furious anger, an agent of the enemy of all good creatures in the world. I make lame attempt with a wad of paper and losing heart and the last minute, I spazz and flub it away harshly. It didn't die nor did it fly away. eww. What's wrong with these FLIES? Apocalypse.

I freak out.

Pif: FLY FLY! Go and FLY! That's what your FUCKING called, Do it! Fly AWAY! git!

It crawls around my monitor. It's begging to be killed. Grrr. Now I feel like we've shared a moment, it's impossible to kill it. I get so attached so easily. It starts walking towards me again. With My instinctual Mammalian disgust clearly at the controls and blow at it. It clings to the porous phone book with all six of it's gross little hooked feet, then crouches and hunkers down to weather the blast. It's wings twitch and shake in the wind.

Pif: How DARE you!

I'm outraged. I breath deep and spew forth such an intense and vengeful blast of righteous ruination on my foe (this agent of the deepest and ultimate foe of ALL Good Creatures of this earth), that it surely sits on par with all Old-testament-flood-slash-plague-slash-pillar-of-fire-type Divine wraith. Its' gross little hooked feet dig deep into the phone book. At first it holds strong like a fisherman against a raging sea, crouching and willful. Only at the last of my breath does it weaken and be forced up and back. I pause, defeated, out of breath. Victorious, it pauses, stands up straight and looks at me, innocently.

Pif: ...fucker...

I try to ignore it and check my mail. If ever there was a fly that deserved a smack down, that's the one. I can't. I'm a pansy. I'm feeling oddly compassionate for it. I'm conflicted. It's unholy visage disgusts me to me shivering core, and yet in it's behaivor I see something familiar, endearing even cute. It's little wings all shakey and it holds on, like Fivers' floppy ears when he running after me with his ball in his mouth.

I pause, shake my head and drop my head into my hands.

Pif: Oh dude, I got issues.

She'll be back soon. She will. Flies are NOT cuddle buddies, they are the very opposite. Get yourself TOGETHER, man! Even when they look at you with those big dark bumpy eyes, innocence gleeming in every facet, shining forth from that pure heart. So delicate...

Pif: AAAAAA!


(to be Continued...)


Today's Song of the Day is "Can't Help Falling In Love" by Elvis Presley off his 1961 album "Blue Hawaii."

Crazt Fact: After graduating from high school, Elvis became a truck driver.

njoy

Flashy New Worker

Today, I got a new addition to the Song of The Day Staff. If you scroll down to the end of the sidebar you can meet them. That little bugger works tirelessly to do it's little picture shuffle dance. I think it's pretty cool.


Today's Song of the Day is "Pictures of Lily" by The Who off their 1968 album "Magic Bus."

Crazy Fact: This is about about masterWHAT! masterBATION! Heavens to Betsy! Someone should cover this and re-titled it 'Pictures off Google.'

njoy

The Only Bugs I Like is a Bunny.

As you may or may not know, I believe that the bug (insects, spiders... anything with more than 4 legs) is the natural enemy of all of human-kind.. Don't EAT them WIPE them off the face of the earth... Well that's the Theory, but when it comes down to it I have probablems going out of my way to heartlessly kill bugs. (NOTE TO SELF: learn to be heartless.)

Anyway it's obvious that the dinosaurs should have done a better job back in the triassic period of eating all our ancestor mammals. Though the just looked like creepy looking little mice the would out live you and many moon later invent soap. SO bugs are next after we wipe each other out, so we have to wipe them out first.

actually I just don't want them coming in my house and flying around my garbage. I'm just over-reacting as usual. Speaking of over-reaction... WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO CALL ME FROM POLAND!


Today's Song of the Day is "The Fly" by U2 off their 1991 album "Actung Baby."

Crazy Fact: Bono bought a 3.5 million dollar condo in NYC to house the starving poor, er I mean to, escape the starving poor.

njoy

Hot Eye Salt.

This HEAT is retarded. I'm sitting perfectly still only using my fingers for HOURS and sweat is dripping down my back. it's nasty. fucking fuck nasty.

I went to Long Lake yesterday. it was like bath water. F!

It's the A-Ditty Ocean next time. If you need a good case of hypothermia, that cold mutha fucka NEVER dissapoints. I need a drive. Who wants to fuck off to the ocean with me? I won't pay for gas, I promise. but I'm a good time. no one denies that. I'll bring my laptop and I'll do my assignement on the beach... that's actually a really fucking good idea.

EWW! My eye's are stinging because my SWEAT is getting in them! ouch, gross self-salting weirdness. yuckouch.

I gotta do something about this, it's freaking me out.


Today's Song of the Day is "The Sea & the Rhythm" by Iron And Wine off his 2003 EP "The Sea & the Rhythm."

Crazy Fact: He's from Florida, it's SUPPOSED to be hot there. grrr.

njoy

Angry Pansy.

Before she left Sarah was trying to feed me some crap how it's no different for her to leave now for POLAND as it was for me to leave for Paris in March. bollacks. Here's why.

1) I didn't live in her house when I left.

I'm REALLY not looking forward to crawling into 'that' bed alone with the knowledge that I'm going to get up in 'that' bed alone tomarrow morning. SEE that's the kind of sit I'm talking about. When I left 'that bed' wasn't OUR bed it was HER bed. GRRRRRRRrrrrrrr. The frying pans too big without you too.

2) 15 days is 5 days LONGER than 10.

Every two days is exponentially worse then the last two, minus a 'getting used to it' effect in the middle were there is a period of false comfort. make no mistake 10 days is better than 15 anyone who says different has been bought off or lost their soul in a loveless marriage.

3) I left when we had been going out for like maybe a month.

All we had was a bunch of hope back then, nothing was real. Dude. Shit is real now. I'm not saying we've been married for 10 years but DAMN! This sucks. I'm actually quite pissed about this at the moment. I'm a total baby right now and I want my sasa. ok i'm irritating myself I'm going to stop typing now.

This girl is turning me into a pansy. grrrr.


Today's Song of the Day is "Lacrimosa" composed by Zbigniew Preisner, performed here by Sinfonia Varsovia (conducted by Jacek Kaspszyk) and the Varsov Chamber Choir, featuring Elzbieta Towarnicka off the 1998 album "Requiem For My Friend."

(...try pronouncing those names Anglo!...)

Crazy Fact: Dude, it's all Polish baby... Zbigniew Preisner collaborated with Polish filmaker Krzystof Kieslowski, on his celebrated "Trois Coleurs" trilogy and won a Cesar (French for 'Academy Award') for the score of the final film in that trilogy "Rouge." It is for Kieslowski that this song is written.

njoy

She's Already Gone.

She done got on a plane and flew so very far away from me. Who in the RIGHT mind... rharrahrarrhrarhar. Poland! I hate the word, as I hate hell, all montegues, and.. well not 'thee.' I don't really even know who's reading this right now.

I think I might have sworn never to send a Lyndard Synard song but it just came on and I figured... I know. Lemmie try again:

"What Drawn and speak of [Poland]. I hate the word, as I hate Hell, all [Southern Rock] and thee! Have at thee [Lynard Skynard]!"

Thanks Tybalt, your the best.

If every second of this song is was minute I think that's how long Sarah will be over the Atlantic Ocean tonight, but only slightly less tollerable. I hope the flight ok sweetie... you traitor! umm... Lynard Skynard, I mean. yeah your southern asses smell awful 'n' stuff... yuckie.

Today's Song of the Day is "Tuesday's Gone" by Lynyrd Skynyrd off their 1973 debut album "Pronounced Leh-Nerd Skin-Nerd."

Crazy Fact: (I'm not sure if you know this but the reason why you say "break a leg" to someone before they get on stage is because it's the worse thing that could happen and in a theatre voodoo kind of way you prevent it from happening by naming it. So with that in mind read the following crazy fact with the knowledge that my sweet-heart is in a plane right now...) On October 20, 1977, a privately chartered plane carrying the band between shows in Greenville, SC, and Baton Rouge, LA, crashed outside of Gillsburg, MS. Ronnie VanZant, Steve Gaines, and his sister Cassie, one of the group's backing vocalists, died in the crash. The cause of the crash was either fuel shortage or a fault with the plane's mechanics.

njoy

forgetting and forgotten

This no cell phone business is trouble.

First, the damn thing made me stupid cause I don't remember a single damn phone number anymore.

Second, now I'm forgetting to do stuff 'cause there's nobody to call me and say "WHERE the HELL are YOU!"

I'm a cyborg. I need the technology to live a normal life. That Cell Phone was the other half of my brain (the most productive half) and it's GONE. it was bad enough when that part of my brain would run out of power. but now... i'm forelorn... oh little cell phone please come home to papa. he misses you.

Today's Song of the Day is "Never Tear Us Apart" by INXS off their 1987 album "Kick."

Crazy Fact: INXS had its roots in a family act, the Farriss Brothers. Andrew Farriss (keyboard, guitar), Tim Farriss (guitar) and Jon Farriss (drums.)

njoy

the great interupter is DEAD!

there is a profound and resounding silence in my life.

My cell phone is gone.

I feel like... well i'm not even sure. I guess i'm back in the 90s. strange.

I'll tell you how it goes...


Today's Song of the Day is "Hanging On The Telephone" by Blondie off their 1978 album "Parallel Lines."

Crazy Fact: Debbie Harry is the only Debbie who every been a Hottie.

njoy

i'm sick.

it's god awful. My head is pounding because my brain is too big for my skull and it makes my sinuses cry infection into my lungs. sucks sucks cusks.

It's made me into a mouth breather. ugh. it's awful, panting all watery mouthed. eye's sort of half closed from the discomfort, droopey lidded and stunned. clogged fucking awful. but I'd stay like this for a month if I new it meant I'd never half to experience waking up this morning. awful. just awful. like a throatful of warm flavourless oysters.


***beep***beep***beep***

S: sweetie wake up...

P: wha?

S: are you feeling any better?

P well... (CcOoOuUuGGgGhHh) (the most disgusting sound ever heard.)

(pause)

S: ...eewww!

P: (gulp, gulp) oh god... sweet jesus what a horrible way to wake up.


It seems that a throat can hold an entire mouthful of mucus. it was unbelievably revolting. I think I would rather eat lobster eyes then do that again. First thing in the morning a mouth briming with throat slime. It sounds disgusting well it ACTUALLY happened to me. ok. and it might happen to me again.

I won't be able to sleep at the thought of it. I used to be afraid of camping because an average of 8 spiders crawl in your mouth over a weekend camping trip. bring it. a mouthful of warm, thick bactieria laden mucus for breakfast is by far the worse of the two.


Today's Song of the Day is "911 Is A Joke" by Public Enemy off their 1990 album "Fear Of A Black Planet."

Crazy Fact: PE's choreographer of the group's backup dancers, Professor Griff, was quoted as saying Jews were responsible for "the majority of the wickedness that goes on across the globe" Chuck D broke up the group because of it.

njoy

Secret Dinner (Part Four)

(continued from yesterday...)

Go back to lighting candles. I make little plates of three and put them all over the (very clean) kitchen. I'm quite proud of myself. I forgot the flowers (I was at the store, and I thought foolishly 'I'll do that later') but whatever it looks pretty good. I think the candle lighting thing was a way to deal with the general fear of death by fire "Who's in control now little match, little candle, little flame? hmmm? BWHAHAHA!" I went a little overboard.

I pick the music (Al Green, The Mission, Beethoven's Piano Sonatas, Oscar Peterson, and I had to put in Nebraska by The Boss cause I've had it on repeat all day and I'm obsessed.) Seems like a good shuffle. check the time. we're good. cool. take out the fish. We're good. Put in the bread. Check the time, 10 to, awesome.

I was lighting yet another plate of tea lights when I remember the whole purpose this was to thank her for yesterday and give her a card with some cash for her trip to Poland. FUCK! I didn't do the damn card. fuck fuck.

I run into the living room grab some cash and a card that was lying around (very classy) I pick up a pen. ok here's what I'll do, I'll do this one incase she shows up on time and meanwhile I'll make a better one while I wait. ok umm what do I write.

"c-click."
"hi sweetie."

Eek! My adrenalin hits the roof.

(gulp) "...hi beautiful."

I'm smiling ear to ear, bursting and struggling to get the cash in the card and card in the envelope, I 'casually' slink into the kitchen and struggle in the corner with this damn card out of sight.

"Eva showed me the skirts for Poland," I hear Sarah throw her stuff/crap on the couch and shuffle around a bit, "and they're not as bad as I thought."

I look around to make sure it looks ok. It looks awesome. She's going to totally cry. I think to myself, 'Oh my God! I can't wait to see her face when she comes into the kitchen! Come in the kitchen, DONT come in the kitchen, come in the kitchen, DONT come in..." This cycles through my head at a hundred cycles per second as I try to cram all this cash and card in this weird yellow envelope.

"...but do you know what's really exciting!?" She jumps/skips into joyfully into the kitchen plane tickets in hand.

"You cleaned the kitchen... it looks great." She sees the table and the candles as she's talking, and slows, not quite sure, "Look... I got... my tickets for... Poland..." her brain slows down and she starts taking it in.

She gives me a big beautiful hug as she looks at the table and starts to melts a little.

"Excellent, cause I have a present for your trip." I give her the card.

"oh sweetie..." melting she looks at the table, and at the candles and at the card, and at me "oh sweetie..."

And she totally melts. Dinner is perfect, the wine is perfect, she's perfect, it's all so... well... quite perfect. Then we go walk the patient and well fed puppy till sundown. It's an awesome kinda happy.


Today's Song of the Day is "Purple Rain" by Prince And The Revolution off his 1984 Album "Purple Rain."

Crazy Fact: He now lives in Toronto.

njoy

Secret Dinner (Part Three)

(continued from yesterday...)

I run back out and crank up the gas. As I run back inside I try not to picture the newspaper article, my entry on the Darwin Award Website, my burnt corpse. Well that would really surprise Sarah wouldn't it? Probably less so than me cooking her a decent meal though. ok cool. We can do this.

It is again with trepidation I light a match, lift the stove top and light the pilot lights. I open the oven, light a match, protect my eyebrows with one hand and extend my arm into the filthy ancient dark mouth of Mr. Propane.

"Foof!'

The pilot light lights. I take a deep breath, grimace and crank up the oven to 400.

Pftsss...

one mississippi...

ssssss...

two mississippi...

sssssss...

three mississippi...

ssssssss...

four mississippi... crank it to 500.

SSSSsssss...

five mississippi...

ssssssssss...

six mississippi... I wonder if all this sweat will

sssssssssss...

seven mississippi... protect me from the impending explosion?

ssssssssssss...

eight mississippi... fuck it. crank it to broil...

SSSSSSSSSSSS...

nine mississippi...

SSSSSSSSSSSSS...

ten missi-

and then calmly from the long burner, little blue flames creep out from back to front at a slow and even pace without a sound, first the up the right-side, then slowly up the left. wow. cool. peaceful and anticlimatic, unexpected and welcome.

ok I've fucked around enough. I replace the bottom tray.

'foop. ssssssss...'

shhhiiiiitt... I reach for the bottom tray and nearly burn my hand.

'sssss...'

fuck. FUCK! Where the hell is the hot thing holding machine?! fuck fuck SHIT!

"ssssss..."

I quickly search drawer to drawer.

"sssssss...'

nothing. I panic. run outside and turn off the gas, shit fuck shit. What the fuck am I suppose to do now? fuckity fuck.

Dejected, I walk back into the kitchen. Now without a brain clouded in panic I find a stack of oven mitts beside the stove and remove the hot heavy black and dirty metal plate. I look around the kitchen. It's 4:14.

fuck. I pause.

ok ok we are going to do this again. I fan the evil black hole of the accursed Mr. Propane and run back out to crank up the juice.

Light a match, crank it up and ten mississippies later, were cookin' with gas. I put in the fish and close the oven and turn it to 350. I look at that dirty metal plate on the counter and shake my head. I'm clearly the stupidest person I know. It must be in part of the stove for a reason... It's probably some kind of safety device. I put my head in my hands and think again of the Darwin awards. I hope I at least place high.

I start lighting candles by the windows and on the table. and after about five minutes later I open the stove to check on the fish. The burner's off. what? but, but

'ssssss..."

SHIT! fuck fuck. What do I do? fuck.

'sssss...'

I open the door again. the pilot light went out. fuck.

'sssss...'

I look around at the 20 or so candles I lit...

'ssssss...'

...think briefly of the Darwin awards...

'sssssss...'

and turn off the stove.

FUCK!! fuck FUCK!! maybe I can just go to my apartment and... I look at the set up, I look at the time. no fucking way. FUCK. ok once more into the breach my good-hearted Pif.

With Mr. Propane's evil HOT filthy black HOT ancient HOT mouth open I again hold a match under the pilot light. nothing. what? I retract my arm. FUCK!!!!! fuckit. I crank the juice, light a match, wait a second, then put my boney white arm back into the monsters mouth bravely pinching my tiny lit match.

"FOOosh."

ok it's lit. I crank the heat to max and leave it there. Close the door and swear not to open it for 15 more minutes.

(to be continued...)


Today's Song of the Day is "Harvest Moon" by Neil Young off his 1993 album "Neil Young Unplugged."

Crazy fact: In 1966, Neil Young moved from Toronto to Los Angeles in his Hearse. Crazy cool car.

njoy

Secret Dinner (Part Two)

(continued from yesterday...)

I tell ma 'n' pa the story and the plan. They both offer tips. They drive me to the store for supplies: Trout, French bread, Beure, Wine, tasty cheese, salad stuff, fresh dill, lemon, big-assed red onion, tomato and a bag of tea lights, wicked. It rules.

Ok, so I'm house/ Fiver sitting for Cel while she's in France and well, she recently moved and didn't really get a chance to totally move in to the kitchen. Not only that but I think a family of dirty dirty monkeys (or at least a group of method actors in very believable monkey suits) must have lived there just before her, because the kitchen pretty much looks like the watering hole from the opening of '2001: A Space Odyssey.'

anyway... I blow off my homework and start cleaning the kitchen. It's a herculean task. I'm deep in the trenches when Sarah calls and says she's wants to drop by...

"ok, sure baby, I'd love that." (hang up.) "EEEEK!"

Stop cleaning (that's half the surprise, hide ALL the stuff I bought in cupboards and re-mess up a little.

She's wonderful and lovin and then goes back out to finish her errants I tell her we are walking Fiver at 4 on the nose (being a little bit of a jerk on purpose) She looks a little nervous and leaves.

It's now like 2:00. I start cleaning and preparing like a madman. The kitchen is crazy. clean scrub clean, cut the stuff, make the thing, e-mail Anna asking her how to make the thing, make the salad, check the e-mail, chill the wine, check the e-mail, I'm never gonna make it 3:10 Sarah calls. Oh shit. don't come by now. not NOW! fuckityfuckfuck.


"hi beautiful."

"I'm running behind can we walk Fiver at 5:00, I'm so so sorry."

(stunned by awesomenessitude) "...yes!"

'I totally value your time and I don't want you to think...'

'Do it. It's awesome.'

"Really? your not pissed?"

"I LOVE five. Five sounds great." (I'm totally feeling that horseshoe in my ass.)

"...really though?"

"Five on the nose. I love it. really."

"ok. love you.'


Sweet! It gives me the time I need. I set the table, sweep, and totally finish cleaning up, then I look at the stove.

How the HELL do you work Mr. Propane? It's ancient and dangerous as hell looking. Cel turns off the gas at the tank because when she doesn't she smells propane. That is not an encouraging thought.

I go outside turn on the gas, light the pilot lights on the stove top and open the oven. wow. What a nightmare. I look desperately for a pilot light. Light a match and shake with the anticipation of the loss my eyebrows or sight or life as I wave it around inside the stove.

nothing.

That's about the about the second worst thing that could've happened. I wave it more and more and finally.

"Poof!"

Something lights in the back of the oven. cool. I turn up the gas. nothing. just the 'pssssss' sound of gas being released and frighteningly not lighting. just building.

I crank it to broil and cringe.

pssssss...

one mississippi...

psssssss...

two mississippi...

pssssssss...

three mississippi...

psssssssss...

I freak out, turn it off and run outside to turn off the propane.

What the FUCK do I do now? I look for the barbeque. cool. that'll work. umm... no propane tank. FUCK. ummm. I could cook it in the dishwasher. I remember hearing that. no dishwasher. FUCK!

I look at all my days preparations going to waste. FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! I look around the kitchen desperately and spot a toaster oven.

WHOO HOO! I'm SAVED!

It's in terrible shape, I open the door and take out some papers, some lipstick and an UHU glue stick underneath the grill. I flashback to the many fires I've starting in the kitchen, two of which involved toaster ovens. fuck that. I look back at the terrifying Mr. Propane. fuck it.

(to be continued...)


Today's Song of the Day is "Gabriel's Oboe" composed by Ennio Morricone off his 1986 soundtrack for "The Mission."

Crazy Fact: Ennio Morricone began studying music at Rome's Conservatory of Santa Cecilia at the age of 12.

njoy

Secret Dinner (Part One)

Well, I sent an impulsive, stupid, ill-conceived, fucking self-righteous e-mail to Sarah. She was pissed and rightfully so. I love e-mail. I hate e-mail. It's impossible to pick up tone in an e-mail and all the honest stuff sounded like sarcasm. ugh. Either way, I blew it. It was dumbass.

It was one of those "I never see you"/ "I'm last on your list" sort of things. You know how it is. One of the dumbest parts was the whole 'your dance group is ruining my life" part, ok I'm exaggerating a bit, but that's kinda what it sounded like. ugh. Sarah LOVES her dance group, it was just plain....uuugh. Anyway. We work it out, I assume full dumbassdom and that's that. Even though I'm a dumbass she puts in an extra effort and we have a super retarded good 'us' day the next day. Now, filled to the brim with quality time, I feel like an idiot, though I'm a very happy idiot.

The next day we get up and she decideds to take some overdue alone time. I'm so happy to let her 'cause I'm now feeling stupid and feeling grateful, if I get anymore humble and I might start to cry and turn to mud. She heads off.

I'm sitting there staring at my computer thinking about how lucky I am... I HAVE to do something for her. I've been pretty fucking broke recently and Sarah has been generously footing the bill. I'm such a dickhole, she does so much for me and I'm all... ugh! I can't do any homework. All I can think about is 'since when did I become the kind of person who whines about 'not spending enough time blah blah blah' and doesn't pull there weight and tries to get in between someone and their passions.

I'm the 'rational' guy. The fuckin' mister independent 'let me get the bill' guy. I'm the 'annoyingly hyper-sensitive to the gender division of labour' guy. The fights the fight against any possible or perceived sexism, and yet is seemingly incapable of cooking one damn meal, while my super kick-ass girlfriend cooks them all (and how! I've always been lucky that way, my girlfriends were all wicked cooks.) and I'm a hopeless slob.

Evil Inner Pif pipes up... Hey Pif, what happened to integrity? Remember your rants about integrity, and 'I quit smoking out of blah blah blah.' What self righteous crap-o-la. You are SO full of shit, I can't believe she can't smell you when she walks in the door. Did you fart? No, that smell is coming from your mouth, it's the smell of all the bullshit your spewing forth into the ether, for anyone who'll listen, er smell. 'hey, I'm really interested in what you have to say, but I have to go cause I can't stand the smell!

The bastard is really going, fueled on by 20 mg of methylphenidate. I'm staring at my computer stunned by my own LAMENESS. The tool-o-meter is near peaking in my mind.

"WHO AM I?!"

The phone rings.


Dad: How about we come over with that money we owe you.

Pif: Yo pops, that would be awesome!

Dad: Ok see you soon.

Pif: cool.


Money is an interesting thing. Changes your whole outlook.

"Dude! I can't totally cook her a surprise supper to thank her for being such a kick-ass girlfriend." Good hearted Pif was feverishly digging my self-esteem out of the grave Evil Inner Pif was burying him in, "and I'll give her a little spending cash for her trip to Poland!" (Her Polish dance group is going to Poland to perform.)

Good-hearted Pif is a victorious genius! It's perfect! You got the cooking thing. the surprise thing, the supporting her interests thing, the showing your gratitude thing, the pulling your weight thing, I'll clean up as I go so I got the 'not a slob' thing and she doesn't have to do a thing. awesome. i love it. I can make that really tasty easy fish-thing Anna taught me to make. I'm totally pumped.

What the hell was in that really tasty easy fish-thing taught me to make?

hmm...fuck it. I'll wing it.

(to be continued...)


Today's Song of the Day "Love In Vain" by The Rolling Stones off their 1969 album 'Let It Bleed.'

Crazy Fact: Shortly after he was fired from the group, Brian Jones was found dead in a swimming pool.

njoy

And it's not even a dry heat.

It's too hot for Canada. I suffer through shitty fucking depressing winters comforted by the knowledge that it can only get so hot in the summer and is therefore, worth it.

THIS SUCKS!!!

I can't take off my skin.
I can't live in the bathtub.
I'm NOT walking around without a shirt on.

and most importantly I'm NOT living in a tropical zone. See, live in a tropical zone and you tell yourself 'well fuck and least I never have to walk through slush.'

This is a fucking rip off.


Today's Song of the Day "Fire" by Ohio Players off there 1974 album "Fire."

Crazy Fact: Their original name was the Ohio Untouchables.

njoy

A Goodbye.

We were at my Grandfathers cottage on lake Somethingerother, I'm sure I couldn't pronounce it. I was only 4.

"Don't you touch that stove. You hear me?!'

I looked at the stove, I kinda wanted to touch it. I looked back at him.

"You steer clear of that stove. Just stay away from it."

He had my hand and was pointing at the stove. I looked back at the stove. I wonder what it tastes like.

"buh why..."

"JEEEESUS Christ! Just don't even go near it. It's hot. If you go near it... there'll be big trouble mister! I mean it."

He meant it. But... I wonder if this is a 'no cookies before supper' kinda rule. The kind that you like to break, the kind let you break every once in a while. I look back at him blankly.

"You understand? Stay away from it or I'll tan your hide."

"k..."

I walk around the wood pile. bored. I play with some toys. bored. I walk in ever smallers circles following the pattern in the big living room rug. Fun! But I get to the middle and have no where else to go. I look around. bored.

High on the counter I see can of ginger ale. yum. I walk over and stretch to reach. Just out of reach. I put my hand on the stove to give me a little boost.

'PSSSST!'

Uh-oh. I touched the stove. Did anyone see? Boy did that hurt. I don't want to get in trouble. I gotta get away. I put my arms straight down at my sides, head down and escape the scene of the crime. Quickly, I go behind the wood pile and hide. Maybe I'll get away with it. Nobody saw. Boy-o-boy this really hurts.

I look at it.

"uh-oh."

There is a giant shiney red blister the size of my entire plam staring back at me. It's just about the scareyest thing I ever saw in my entire life. I start to cry.

Grandfather comes running. "What's wrong?"

I'm doomed, he's gonna know for SURE. I had to think fast.

"uh spy-doe bited meee..." (sniff, sniff)

"A Spider!? Where?"

I point at the wood pile and wipe my eyes.

"WHERE did it bite you?!"

I sniff and turn over my hand.

"JEEEESUS CHRIST!"

His eyes nearly pop out of there sockets as he looks at this enormous, red, throbbing, blister on my little four year old hand.

"That must've been some Spider! What did the damn thing look like?"

"big an an bwack an an howy an an..."

"How big?

"weowee weowee big..."

He was buying it. Everyone was buying it. I was quite pleased with myself. Now I'm not going to get in trouble. It was pretty touch and go for a while. but it looks like everything is gonna be ok.

In the coming days, while I happily walked in ever smaller circles on that oval in the rug in the living room, I heard a lot of talk about 'Goddamned Spiders' and a few 'Did you see that thing on his hand' and a fruitless search through the woodpile for the monsterous alien spider that could've done that to my hand.

I think he saw me staring at the stove and looking at my hand on too many times, cause one day, he sat me down next to the stove and talking to me, worked the truth out of me inch by inch till I finally came clean soaked in tears. He was proud of me that I told the truth (eventually) So I DIDN'T get in trouble, which I was pretty happy about. I'm sure he figured the burn on my hand taught the lesson.

My Grandfathers funeral is today.



Goodbye Grandfather.


Today's Song of the Day is "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night" by Dylan Thomas, recorded in 1951, off the compilation "The Caedmon Poetry Collection."

Crazy Fact: Dylan Thomas died of alcoholism at the age of 39.

njoy

Numbaz

I know this is Blog-o-centric of me but dude! I got 1000 hits in a month!! What the hell? That's crazyness. I don't think I'll make that high a number again, I'm too spotty on the entries. oops. I'll try to do better.

Ah yes... a sad song. hmm... I think this might be the saddest song EVER. Damn he was good.


Today's Song of the Day is "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry" by Hank Williams released as a single in 1949.

Crazy Fact: The leaf fell very very far from the tree. His son pretty much totally bites.

njoy

When The Will Fails You Reap What You Sow.

My grandfather doesn't have long to live.

I think you have to be careful how you live your life. Some people hold their lives together out of pure will. Enviably, you won't have the energy to keep it up, and it will fly apart. I don't want to be at the end of my life with everything of any real value, pulling away from me, slipping out of my weakening grip.

You can't control people. You have to give them a reason to stay. More than money or gifts or material security, if that's so then that's all your worth, but an intrinsic reason. It would be a terrible thing to be at the end of your life and know what you are worth to people by looking at your bank book. Then to look up to see a family turn to vultures before your eyes. At the end of it all, to see your worth to them in their eyes, not as love, but as greed. To lose awareness of your self, and of this life, watching them circle, and wait in the Dusk.


I guess sad song week is held over for a while.

Today's Song of the Day is "Adagio in G minor" by Tomaso Albinoni, Arranged by Remo Giazotto in 1945, performed by Herbert Von Karajan & The Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra, Recorded in 1972.

Crazy Fact: Remo Giazotto, a music historian, discovered a few notes of this work by Tomaso Albinoni and constructed the rest himself.

njoy

Kooking K.D.

As you all know I can't cook at all. I think what I do should be called 'kooking' just because, what I do and what others do should not be in the same catagory, NOT called by the same word.

That being said, I was recently reminded of my favourite Kraft Dinner trick. No milk. Totally. There's my Kooking advice for you all. Lotsa butter, no milk, creamy and thick tastey and bad for you. yum.

ok back to sad song week...


Today's Song of the Day is "Miss Otis Regrets" composed by Cole Porter, performed by Ella Fitzgerald off her 1956 album "The Cole Porter Songbook."

Crazy Fact: Porter was in the French army during World War I, and spent the '20s in Paris as the husband of a wealthy woman.

njoy

I Can Time Travel for Dennis.

Dennis, my will to wish you a happy birthday ON your birthday has given me the supernatural-power to travel through time. That's how much it means to me. It was the Ogre of Guilt pounding at the Door in my mind that gave me this will. My self-image as a 'good friend' was in the deepest peril as that fucker pounded and beat at my gates like a Tolkian Cave Troll. It was in a state of blind fear that I transported myself back in time and sent this message, er, IS in blind fear and under threat of a tremendous heart-stopping shame that I sent you this message.

"Jesus Murphy on the day of your thirty-third birthday, I'd like to wish you a happy birthday. Your the only other man I've ever shared a room with, aside from my brother so in that way, (and many others too numerous to name because of the brief window which I have to bend the rules of time), you too are my Brother."

As my brother you should expect presents late, just ask Jason. I suck.

Though I should send an ENYA song...


Today's Song of the Day is "Born Slippy [NUXX]" by Underworld from their 1995 EP "Born Slippy." (most memorable from the Trainspotting Soundtrack)

Crazy Fact: Underworld also owned and operated a graphic design company called Tomato responsible for commercials from such high-profile clients as Nike, Sony, Adidas, and Pepsi.

njoy

It's Not Me.

So, I started on the speed again. The Methylphenidate this time. eek. it's goal, it's medical effect is to change my personality. very scarey stuff. I started it yesterday and tomarrow I double the dose. jeesus. only to 20 mgs twice a day but it's still freaking me out I have to take 4 a day. and the worst part is it's goal is to make me different that my personality type is 'undesireable' even worse is that I've decided it was undesirable. fuck. fucked. fucked up.

Last time I took Pemoline it was waay different it was one pill in the morning and 14 hours later it's effect 'drops off' and but 'drops off' I mean I get no sleep, ever. I slept a couple hours a night for weeks and months on end. This drug is now banned in Canada for causing liver failure.

Fortunately with this one (methylphenidate) it's only effective for 3-4 hours that why I have to take it twice a day. I have to take it in the morning, but I'm going to have to change my sleep habits, I wonder if I have to change my drinking habits too. There are no labels on it that indicate that though.

Another big concern for me is i'm going to lose weight because of no appitite and increase metaboilism. I'm just little. two more scoops of freak out.

So there's my boring freak-out rant.

I think i'm going to be boring on the speed, which is the goal. it's scares me a little.

When I was in high school they had me pumped up with 113 mg of Pemoline and I stopped speaking, i didn't do anything but play my keyboard. That's too much speed.

I'm also a little worried about sexual side effects. I can't find anything on the net to indicate that but the trying to push an oyster into a parking meter effect is not desired

Am I all focused now? I don't know? I wonder if I'm boring you. Am I rambling in a different way then my usual way? Am I too serious? is that the drugs or is it because I'm a little freaked out and trying to analyze everything?

I'm all paranoid about this... as you may have noticed. I guess it's kicked in cause I took it an hour ago. It makes me a little jealous.. weird freudian slip... I'm mean, it makes my dizzy a bit. Like I want less to go on and if too much goes on then I feel a little overwhelmed, also like my peripheral vision is deadened like a bit of tunnel vision. I'm typing alot and kind of don't want to stop, I don't want to do anything else. I guess that's the focusing effect, which is the one I want so I can get fucking decent marks in school. but I kind of blew it last term. I know that's partially to do with going to paris but I'm too old to get anything less than an A. I want to go to grad school and my GPA bites my ass. I need a 3.0 and I need every mark to bring me up.

I think this is probably boring. I kind of want to keep typing though. again I don't know if that's the drugs of just me right now. this is going to take some getting used to.

ok I'm 'going to change the subject.

no i'm not.

I't really strange to have a will. To just do whatever you want and get it done instead being at the whim of your enviorment, a victim of your surroundings. oops I forgot I saw a flashy light or heard a noise and had to look and it reminded me of something else I forgot to do, which cycles. Cycles of remembering and breifly engauging in series of semi-completed tasks, never really accomplishing anything. Suddenly that's not the case. I simply do stuff. I just do it and get it done. I have such a strong will, an overpowered will without the distraction hampering me. It's a simple thing to do anything, to stay on task, as I had to put so much effort to do anything, to make it through my day before.

I'd forget to eat and pee for example, and get caught circle of remembering I had to take a piss and walking back up stairs and forget what I'm doing and call a friend and remember I was hungry stare in the fridge get distracted, go down stairs and sit down to write an email remember I had to pee go back upstairs to piss then make a sandwich go back downstairs take a bite and remember I had to pee now really badly and run upstairs and not forget because it's an emergency, repeat untill sleep's sweet release.

I think that's enough. It brings back a lot of shit for me, these drugs PROVE i'm not normal and put all my inadaquacies in my face and dance. I see through the looking glass what a 'normal person' is like I get to live it. it is an ontological change. I change into being, a 'more desireable' being, one more like everyone else, and it's easier, it's better and that hurts.

I have mixed feelings really, I know I'm losing something I know it's making me 'better' at living and being like everyone else it's like I was a paraplegic and now I can walk around and evern run. if feels good, but I kind of belong in the chair. I kind of am now a being that I am not, it's a personality change, conscious, controlled, a deal with the devil.

Am I too serious? ok ok time to stop.


Today's Song of the Day is "Mad World" by Gary Jules off his 2001 album "Trading Snakeoil for Wolftickets."

Crazy fact: This remake of a Tears for Fears song is used in the film 'Donnie Darko.'

njoy

kicked in the pills

I start the brain pills tomarrow. fuck. it's fucking scarey. 4 pills a day. it caught me off guard. I totally forgot this crazy mission I was on to 'maybe' take the pills again and here I am with 150 of the devils in a bottle right in my hot little hand attached to these cold little feet. what will they take from me? it's gotta be something. I hope I miss it, I hope I notice. I hope it doesn't just die, no funeral no memory, like tears in rain. good song that.


ok what week is it?

(this album is in my top five, buy it.)

Today's Song of the Day is "Blue" by Joni Mitchell off her 1971 album "Blue."

Crazy Fact: This hymn to salvation supposedly penned for James Taylor.

njoy

looking down

this song kills me. it's gotta be the saddest thing i've ever heard. he's like a emile zola meets billy bragg.

it's sad song week. i'm not sure why. just cause. cause that's how I feel it. that's how it goes.


Today's Song of the Day is "Dry Your Eyes" by The Streets off his 2004 album "A Grand Don't Come for Free."

Crazy Fact: During the late '90s, he tried to start a label and sent off his own tracks while he worked dead-end jobs in fast food.

njoy

Geek News

Not that many of you will care too much about this but:

Apple to Use Intel Microprocessors Beginning in 2006

I can't help it. It feels like a defeat. ick.


Today's Song of the Day is "Apple Blossom" by The White Stripes off their 2000 album "De Stijl."

Crazy Fact: "De Stijl" is Dutch for "the style" and this album is dedicated to Dutch artist Gerrit Rietveld and to bluesman Blind Willie McTell.

njoy

Comedy is Cruelity

I remember back in Theatre School at dalousy I had a prof who was convinced comedy is cruelity but at a distance, made impersonal. You laughing because it's not happening to you, etc... Well this maybe exhibit A, because I don't think you can listen to this and not laugh.

http://www.kpam.com/bob/carwreck.htm

njoy

Clicking to Insanity

I'm totally addicted to Digital Photography.
I'm totally addicted to Flickr.

Flickr is this post your photos thingy. The real problem is that I don't OWN a digital camera. But I know people who do, so I borrow them constantly.

These three things are sort of messing me up. The posting them thing feeds the taking the pictures thing which fuels the taking somebodies camera around with me to take pictures all the time. Then in turn the taking pictures all the time make me want to post the good ones and then get someones camera to take more. Then finally because it's not MY camera I feel like I have to take advange of the fact that I have it and take as many pictures as I can, and therefore getting some cool ones that I want to post. And OF COURSE I have to take them into Photoshop and fuck with them first.

I'm doing this all damn day. It's Fuct. I'm officially obsessed.

Here I am: http://www.flickr.com/photos/pif/

fucking great song, crank it up, and get down, welcome to 1974.

Today's Song of the Day is "Boogie on Reggae Woman" by Stevie Wonder off his 1974 Album "Fullfillingness' First Finale."

Crazy Fact: Ray Charles is Stevie Wonder's Dad. CRAzY! No I'm joking he's not, not that most of you would have fallen for it but *I* would have, so... let's see... His name at birth was Steveland Hardaway Judkins... Holy!

njoy

Noah Should've Been As Lucky.

It finally stopped raining. Thank you mother earth. It only rained for 14 days and 14 nights. I'm glad I live on a hill... and sleep in a boat. Anyway I fucking LOVE this song.

Today's Song of the Day is "She Caught The Katy & Left Me A Mule To Ride" by Taj Mahal off his 1968 album "The Natch'l Blues."

Crazy Fact: Taj Mahal formed the Rising Sons with guitarist Ry Cooder. The group signed to Columbia and released one single, but the label didn't quite know what to make of their forward-looking blend of Americana, which anticipated a number of roots rock fusions that would take shape in the next few years; as such, the album they recorded sat on the shelves, unreleased until 1992. ...crazy...

njoy

Soma.

I went to the shrink. Why is it called a shrink?

Anyway, I'm getting drugs to make me more like all of you. I'm taking the brain pill, the soma. Conformity pays off I guess, so I'm led to believe by My Academic Transcript, which is kicking me in the ass. Pointing and laughing at me. It tells me if I take 'focusin' er whatever I can really fix it's wagon. So a wagon fixin' it is.

Today's Song of the Day is "Potato Head Blues" by Louis Armstrong, Originally Composed in 1923, this version is recorded in 1957 off and taken off "Satchmo: A Musical Autobiography."

Crazy Fact: He dropped out of school at 11 and on December 31, 1912, he fired a gun during a New Year's Eve celebration, for which he was sent to reform school. He studied music there and played cornet and bugle in the school band, eventually becoming its leader.

njoy

I'm Old and I Live in a Bizarro Universe.

I went to the New York Times to see this headline,

"Mötley Crüe Files Suit Against NBC for Banning It Because of an Expletive."

What the *Hell* has happened? Whatever it is, I'm ready to blame George Bush Jr. How did the soccer mom's win? How did they get Mötley Crüe banned from the air waves 20 years too late. What happened last I heard Mötley Crüe did didn't matter anymore... didn't show up on ANYONES radar. I guess the soccer mom's just don't quit. jeesus.

This sacred fear of dirty words on the airwaves, lest it pervert the children's minds, is as foolish as the believing in the boogie man. And to a kid the boogey man is a much bigger concern, I saw that fucker, I swear. I knew every dirty word I know now by the time I was 6 (actually I think I might know less now, it was waaay more interesting back then.) and they didn't work on the boogie man, nothing did. Only light and/or parental presence. the fucker.

I think if you play The Tonight Show theme backwards, it tells you to kill your freedom of expression. And if you watch NBC you have a powerful compulsion to buy shit you don't need and be bored shitless by G rated pap. And they wonder why viewership is dropping. Thank god for the fucking internet.


Today's Song of the Day is "White America" by Eminem off his 2002 album "The Eminem Show."

Crazy Fact: In 1996, his mother was accused of mentally and physically abusing his younger brother.

(I'd send some Mötley Crüe but it's almost unlistenabley bad. At least the stuff I have. Too bad you can ban them for sucking so much ASS or being too old to play rock and/or roll OR just NOT mattering, I guess that would kill of radio completely.)

njoy

A dish best served ICE cold.

I won an ICE Award for my Logo Design. Crazy.

It was for a downtown shoe store called KAS it's on the corner of Spring Garden and Queen. My friend Sonia owns it. CRAZY! I quit stupid design and start a new career path in Computer Science and then I win an award for my design. What a crazy little world.

Anyways, it's pretty cool.


Today's Song of the Day is "Hey There Fancypants" by Ween off their 2003 album "Quebec."

Crazy Fact: Ween's 1994 Album Chocolate and Cheese was dedicated to the late comedic actor John Candy.

njoy

The Spin Cycle of Suck.

Man I hate cleaning up. If I remember to do it now, I'm just going to forget to do it later. It's seems so pointless. Such a waste of time. That's was sisyphus was trying to tell us. If ever there was a futile activity, it's cleaning up and eating for that matter. Your just going to have to do it again. I mean jeeze, how many times am I going to have to go through this hungry chew swallow digest shit routine, it's endless. It's seems like I do it every damn day. I hate the stuff I do everyday. The Enemy has a new name and Routine it's you. Like making the bed. What do you mean you can't think in a messy house? I can't think because I'm stuck in this endless and futile cleaning parade, and by the way... this parade SUCKS! All the floats suck, and have themes like disease, insects, guilt and shame, what would the neighbours think, you smell bad, the spin cycle, etc... bore me to tears.

Grrrr. Cleaning you suck. I hate you.


Today's Song of the Day is "The Sound Of The Suburbs" by The Members off their 1979 debut album "At the 1980 Chelsea Night Club."

Crazy Fact: I got nuthin'

njoy

A Bridge Too Wet.

It's just rain. People are so damn afraid of getting wet. I'll just walk, I'm sick of taking cabs. Off I go.

When I first step on the bridge I'm not too bad the boots are working, the rain coat is working no big deal. After I start up into the storm it starts to crank up the piss-down o meter.

I stop to look back and the notice not only is the bridge swaying, but it's also shaking. The wind is blasting me from the right. I look ahead. I can't really see dartmouth. The rain is moving vertically. My jeans are getting soaked and heavy. I am periodically stopped in my tracks by gust of wind and the bridge is swaying to such a degree I feel like I'm drunk.

The bus drives by. FUCK! I'm such an idiot. Why won't I take the DAMN BUS! I just hate the bus. I like it in principal, but... i don't care. I hate it.

I'm glad I'm in the rain. It's not so bad. I'm wet and my jeans weigh a ton and are stuck to me, but big deal. I'm mildly frightened that the bridge is going to collapse, but whatever I'm usually mildly frightened about something. Really, the most annoying thing is that place on the back of my wrist is numb, that place in between the pocket and the sleeve, the place where all under-prepared Canadians go numb first.

When I reach Dartmouth the rain stops.

Typical.

If I left 30 mins later I would be dry, impatience, again sir, you've had the best of me. I am wet and beaten, at your feet, but oddly unrepentant.

What is that about me? If I knew the rain was going to stop in half an hour I think I'd still do the same thing. Though I stand here in thick, wet, heavy layer of discomfort, I know that monstrous impatience rules me. And even still, it's just wet. Big whoop. It was kind fun feeling like I was on the deck of the SS Atlantic on it's way down.

Today's Song of the Day is "Here Comes The Rain Again" by the Eurythmics off their 1983 album "Touch."

Crazy Fact: Dave Stewart married Siobhan Fahey, a former member of Bananarama in 1987.

njoy

The Brothers Cup

Dude. you are so, fucking, 35. That's what you get for being born in 1970. It's sucks that I was in Cape Breton for your party. Hope you drank one for me. Here's a Song as old as you.

Happy Birthday Bro.


Today's Song of the Day is "Father & Son" by Cat Stevens off his 1970 Album "Tea for the Tillerman."

Crazy Fact: Cat Stevens was raised by cats in the back alleys of London, that's where he got the name... no, not really. He was born Steven Demetre Georgiou, was the son of a Swedish mother and a Greek father. boooooring.

njoy

this blog has a shitty name and that why i like it

I thought many times I should change it to something witty like all of these other cool kids. But 'Song of The Day' is so banal, so utterly unimaginative, decidedly impersonal, only vaguely interesting and not charming, not even in the slightest... it's almost a disguise. It's so uninviting, it's a counter advertisment. I like the idea of people thinking "That sounds dumb, pass."

All the kids who do not go to school because you are too cool for it can read the snappy named blogs and to you I say all that glitters is not gold. SO hey you! not you... YOU! Yeah you, don't read this. you suck, get lost and take your silly dog toto with you. (such an aweful band too, ick.)


Today's Song of the Day is "The Hustle" by Van McCoy off his 1975 album "Disco Baby."

Crazy Fact: Van Allen Clinton McCoy died of a massive heart attack in Englewood, NJ, on July 6, 1979, exactly six months shy of his 40th birthday.

njoy

D. E. E. T.

Bug spray smells better than mosquitos feel. And bug spray smells fucking horrible.

While I'm in the car I'm thinking to myself why doesn't EVERYONE live in the country. It's so beautiful. so peaceful. so quiet. Closer to nature, closer to our natural state. We get lost a few times getting there but hey that's nothing new we did that everyday in Paris so whatever.

"The lady in the store says the Old Halifax Road IS the River Road. We won't ask the obvious question."
"Deal."

We get lost in a trailer park then
we get lost in another trailer park then
we find the dirt road

"sweet."

Little do we know that our definition of pothole was insufficient a description for what we were in for.

"Jeesus! what is this the road to Bagdad? You could fit a small car in that hole and that hole and that hole..."

'SSCRRRRAAAAAAAAAPE."

Cel and I grimace and laugh while grimacing as the wrenching full-bodied gouging slowly scrapes by the full-length underbelly of the car. jeebus.

I imagine a hanging crunch of wires and metal hanging off, dragging through the rocky muddy dirt-road. (that wasn't a laser blast, something hit us.)

"F-f-fu-uu-uck-kK!"
"That took a few years of the ol' Corolla."

Finally after a slow and bumpy ride the nature lovin' city slickers get out of the car. The sky darkens as a horde of hungry blood-sucking Mosquitos descend.

"HOLY FUCK! GET BACK IN THE CAR! BACK IN THE CAR!"
slam.
slam.

We look at each other and pause.

"bug spray."
"bug spray."

"Where's that bug spray that's like 95% DEET. We bought it that time we went to Lavers birthday..."
"and you passed out in the car at like 10."
"yeah."

I'm amazed in my panic I could find it. the smell... jeesus it's blinding. I'm sure a cloud of green fumes burst from the car as we wade back into the flying sea of hungry insects. We start down the path swatting ourselves, at the buzzing sounds at our ears and mouths and out of our noses. Fiver doesn't seem to care as he prances around like a fawn.

Stubbornly we head down the path. Cel stops dead in her tracks ahead of me and starts to laugh.

"Is there anyway to get around this?!"

There is about 15 80-ft fir trees uprooted and felled over the path. Utterly impassable. Thanks Juan, again, we love you.

"There's got to be."

We try over, we try under, left, then right with a clouds of bugs trying desperately to get into our mouths.

"Enough!"
"This day is LOST!"
"Fuck this!"

We run for the car spazmatically, screaming, giggling, defeated and drive back to the city.


Today's Song of the Day is "Hell" by The Squirrel Nut Zippers off there 1997 album "Hot."

Crazy Fact: The lead singers Dad was a Baptist Minister.

njoy

Repeating Myself

When I go to used bookstores I have this strange habit of looking at books I already own. Yesterday, I went to JWD and spent most of my time staring at this collection of Yeats poetry that I have at home. Just sort of stuck looking at it. Trying with all my brain not to buy it again.

What is that called? is that coveting? or is it materialistic? is it possessive? is it like when your a kid in the sandbox and another kid is playing with your toys and for some reason you only want to play with the toys they are playing with. You just can't stop yourself, but why? er more importantly what's it called? is it Hoarding? Greediness? None of these words do it for me.

I need a dictionary. nope no help. I think it's a collector thing. must collect and maintain perfection. weird.

ok done.


Today's Song of the Day is "As Is" by Ani DiFranco off her 1998 album "little plastic castle."

Crazy Fact: In the early Ninties Ani DiFranco became the subject of considerable major-label interest, yet she steadfastly rejected all offers and remains independant.

njoy

I'll Never Be Shot Again. (Except maybe on my birthday)

I am officially giving up shots. You heard it here most recently. The booze-hyperactivity combo it just too peaked with shots, It might as well be coke, but easier to quit. nuff said.


Today's Song of the Day is "Lua " by Bright Eyes off there 2005 album "I'm Wide Awake It's Morning."

Crazy Fact: First attracted the attention of the indie music world in 1994 -- when he was just 14-years old -- as the singer and guitarist for Commander Venus.

njoy

Novacane face

oh my god I feel like I have two faces.

I have the face I have always had and then this totally new novacane face smushed on top of it like ground beef or mashed potateos. Maybe it's how you feel when you play a extra in a war movie where the put all this shit on your face to make you look dead and blasted with shrapnel.

So three cavaties later I am:

466.00 bucks lighter.

a little bit less of a pif, and an equal little bit more of a cyborg.
(kinda cool in a comic book way, not very cool in a intectual sort of way.)

my eye right eye is numb. it's feel wet but as far as I can tell it's not.
and I don't think I can smile. (to much face in the way)

he is such a good dentist though I didn't even feel the needles (topical ansthetic)... and he's got a good manner... I think he is the opposite of a shitty professor. I'm never going to lose what he gave me. I'm going to use what he gave me everday. He made me better equipt to live. I feel like I did the right thing. I don't feel like it was a waste of time or money. and he made something that could've really really sucked o damn k.

I think the novacane is affecting my brain. time to go.


Today's Song of the Day is "Novacane" by Beck off his 1996 album "Odelay."

Crazy Fact: The Dust Brothers produced this album. They kick ass.

njoy

Stinky Wizzleteeth.

I'm an anti-dentite.


"So we haven't seen you since," looks over sholder, "...1998."

"umm..." (very smooth, oW OW ow ow OW!)

"So are you still a...," looks over shoulder, "gra-fic desine-ner."

"umm..." (OW ow ow OW oWWW!)

"Is your address still Agricola Street."

"umm..." (never again, never never never)


Look your shoveing what might as well be a red hot poker into my gums and when your not and I can close my tired crampt jaw you want.. by the way, of COURSE they're bleeding and it consern me TOO! ...to know what I do for a living. no. no way ye who causes such pain and disfort need not know such things. Your my torturer not my friend.

Anyway... I have THREE cavities and I've been booked for an HOUR! a fucking HOUR of needles and drilling and open mouthed misery. FUCK! hows that for a suck fest. it was 102 bucks to clean polish Xray and Diagnose ick. The cleaning made my teeth feel like super heroes though. Which is nice for them. They've been so unhappy for so long. I'm glad they are getting a chance to shine and feel good about themselves. but the villian cavities still lurk, though there days are numbered.


Today's Song of the Day is "Oh! You Pretty Things" by David Bowie off his 1971 album "Hunky Dory."

Crazy Fact: Upon completing his first album he spent several weeks in a Scottish Buddhist monastery.

njoy